The Accident
by Charlotte88
Summary: Nikki gets run off the road on her way back from a crime scene. But who did it? And how will Nikki cope afterwards?
1. All The Crazy Comes Out To Play

**Chapter 1:** All The Crazy Comes Out To Play

Nikki climbed out of her nice warm car and immediately felt the bitter cold October wind on her face. She pulled her scarf around her a bit more as she reached over and grabbed her silver forensic case from the passenger seat, then straightened up and observed her surroundings.

She was parked at the edge of a field, and in the middle a large white crime scene tent was being erected over a scarecrow. For a moment Nikki thought that this was rather odd, and shouldn't they be putting that over the body. But then she realised that the scarecrow _was _the body. As she got closer she could see police rushing about, plus a very shaken woman sat on a wooden box nearby.

"Dr Alexander?"

Nikki looked to her left, where a middle-aged, smartly-dressed man was rushing towards her. She nodded and the man smiled.

"Hi, DCI Paul Harmer," he told her. Nikki shook his hand.

"Hello, nice to meet you," she said politely.

"Likewise, although I'd rather it was better circumstances," he grimaced. Nikki liked this man. He had a kindly face underneath his mop of brown hair, which was rather like Harry's in that it didn't seem to ever look brushed.

"All in a Halloween's work," she said lightly. Paul laughed and led her through the flap in the tent.

"Well, I don't know how many of these you've seen before," he commented. "Halloween or no Halloween." Nikki gulped when she saw the body. He was attached to the wooden frame precisely how a scarecrow would be, except Nikki doubted whether any scarecrow ever had the frozen look of fear on it's face as this poor man had. His eyes were wide and horrified, and his mouth was open slightly. He was wearing beige trousers with a scruffy shirt and green gilet, and a tweed flat cap was on his head. If it hadn't been for the purple strangulation marks along his neck, Nikki might have thought that this was just an elaborate Halloween joke.

"Do we have a name?" she asked the DCI.

"Yeah, he's Graham Potts. He's the owner of the farm that this field belongs to. His wife says that they went to bed together at ten last night, but when she woke up this morning, he was gone. She couldn't reach him on his mobile, so she went looking for him. Poor woman."

Their conversation was interrupted by a young-looking uniformed police officer coming over. He passed Nikki a forensic suit and black shoe covers.

"Thanks," she smiled.

"Ah, Nikki, this police constable Andrew Bowen. Andy, this is Dr Nikki Alexander," Paul introduced.

"Hi," Andrew grinned in a cockney accent. "You gotta love Halloween, eh? It's when all the crazy comes out to play."

"Yeah, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I was told there was a body in a field," Nikki agreed. Andrew laughed then turned to Paul.

"Boss, I thought I'd take Mrs Potts back up to the house and ask her a few questions. I'll get Jones to come with me as well."

"No, don't take Jones," Paul frowned. "He's never been good at the whole sympathetic thing. Find PC Archer and take her."

"Mary?"

"Yes, Bowen, Mary. Go on then!"

Andrew scuttled off and Paul sighed at Nikki. "I don't know. They're so eager, these young coppers."

Nikki chuckled, she'd rather taken to Andrew Bowen. "Right, I'll just get changed and then I'll examine the body," she told the DCI.

Ten minutes later and Nikki was back in the tent and looking at the body. They couldn't take it down from the frame until the scene had been properly recorded and photographed, and this was making her job especially hard.

"I'll be able to give you a better evaluation back at the mortuary, but it definitely looks like he's been strangled. I'd say with some sort of rope or chain. His eyes also look red and the skin around them is inflamed, which suggests that maybe he was incapacitated with some sort of irritant." She took a swab. "I'll get it tested."

"How has he been attached to the frame?" Paul asked Nikki. She examined the victim's wrists.

"Plastic ties," she observed. "They're very tightly tied. Look, you can see where they have cut into his skin." Nikki bent down and looked at his ankles. "Hi legs have been tied on with string though. Common, garden string. Again, very tightly, but I think his trousers have prevented it from cutting him."

It was then that Nikki noticed he wasn't wearing any shoes, just thick white socks.

"Where are his shoes? I mean, he's a farmer, surely he'd go out wearing wellington boots or something," Nikki wondered out loud.

"Mrs Potts reckons his wellies are missing. That's how she knew he was outside," the DCI put in. Nikki frowned. "Do you think it might have been the killer?"

"It has been known for a murderer to take something from the body. Kind of like a souvenir," Nikki told him. Just then Andrew Bowen walked back into the tent.

"I'm pretty sure Mrs Potts is innocent, Sir," he told Paul after flashing Nikki a quick grin. "She seems really devastated. But I thought we could take her back to the station anyway. Put her in the relatives room while forensics go through her house. She's not coping very well, at least there we'd be able to keep an eye on her."

"Okay, you and Archer do that. We'll just finish up here and I'll see you back at the station," Paul said.

"Yes Sir," Andrew said. "Bye Doctor," he added for Nikki. She grinned at him and he left the tent.

"Could a woman have been capable of doing this?" Paul then asked Nikki.

"The strangulation, yes. The irritant in the eyes, yes. But the lifting of him and attaching him to this frame would have needed the strength of a man, if not two men."

"I was hoping you'd say that. I like Mrs Potts," Paul grinned.

Nikki peeled off her gloves and turned to a SOCO. "Could we get this body down and back to the lab as soon as possible, please?" she asked.

"Right away, Dr Alexander."

Nikki followed Paul out of the tent. "Are you coming to the mortuary?" she asked him.

"Yes. Do you need a lift?"

"No thanks, it's okay. I bought my own car," she smiled.

"Okay. I'll see you there then. I'll beat ya!" he grinned as he walked off to his car. Nikki laughed and shook her head as she hastily pulled off her suit and put her coat back on. She made sure that all her samples and swabs were safely secured in her case, before she clicked it shut. Nikki got into her car, put the heating on full blast and made her way back down the narrow lane that led to the road.

What was usually a moderately busy road, surrounded by trees on either side, was empty due to the fact that the police had cordoned it off at both ends to anyone that wasn't authorised to be there. They were examining the turn off from to the lane, where a single skid mark had been spotted.

However, Nikki wasn't the only one on the road. A motorbike suddenly zoomed up behind her. Nikki didn't know what it was, but the bike was making her uneasy. The driver seemed intent on getting as close as he could to Nikki. She gulped and sped up, hoping to come across someone else, but the road really was empty apart from her and the mystery biker, who was now drawing close to the left side of her car.

Nikki rummaged in her pocket for her phone, but in her nervous state as soon as she'd pulled it out she dropped it on the floor.

"Bugger!" she swore. The motorcyclist now was level with her passenger window. A bend was coming up in the road that meant Nikki would have to turn left, but the biker was just in front preventing her from doing that. Nikki suddenly realised what he was doing. He was trying to run her off the road.

Nikki let out a scared sob, her hands shaking so much she could hardly hold onto the steering wheel. She sped up, but so did he. She slowed down, but so did he. The bend was getting nearer and nearer, and the bike was slowly but surely edging her off the road. Suddenly the driver pulled up his dark visor to reveal his face underneath.

The complete shock and horror at seeing who it was under the helmet was all biker needed to make Nikki lose control of her car. He nudged her left headlight, causing the car to spin out of control. Nikki screamed as she careered off into the trees, she was being shaken and thrown about like a rag doll, until finally a huge, old oak tree was there for her car to smash in to. Smoke was pouring out of the bonnet, and Nikki could feel something hot and sticky trickling down her face.

Her eyes were so heavy. So, so heavy. All she wanted to do was go to sleep. Every part of her ached, but she still saw the biker stop beside her car, watching Nikki slowly slip away from out of his lifted visor.

"You..." Nikki croaked, however, the pain in her stomach became unbearable and she let her eyes close. As she slipped in and out of consciousness, Nikki's last thought was that she'd never see Leo or Harry again. Then everything went black.

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**Just a short opening chapter. What do you think?? It's going to be quite an angsty fic, just to warn you. Please review! **


	2. Warm, Fuzzy Feelings For An Assassin

**Chapter 2:** Warm, Fuzzy Feelings For An Assassin

The first thing Nikki was aware of was the fact that her whole body felt numb. Her arms and legs felt like lead, and she didn't think she could lift them if she tried. Her eyelids too felt really heavy, so she kept them shut. Where was she? It was comfortable, wherever she was. And warm. Loud though. So many noises, all around her. Hustling and bustling and shoes squeaking on linoleum floor and whispered conversations. She could feel a pressure on her right hand, and realised that someone must be holding it. Who was holding her hand?

She cracked her eyes open, but the light was too bright, so she snapped them shut again quickly. However, curiosity as to where she actually was got the better of Nikki, and she carefully opened them again.

Everywhere was white. The lights, the walls, the floor. All except for the blankets covering her, which where a mint green colour. She could see Harry and Leo sat on either side of her, and it was Harry who was holding her hand. They were both muttering to each other, so didn't immediately spot that Nikki had woken up. She was going to have to speak, although she didn't know if her throat would allow it.

"Harry?" she said, her voice barely recognisable due to the hoarseness of it. Harry and Leo both stood up immediately, looking down at her concernedly.

"Nikki? Thank God you're awake," Leo exclaimed. Speaking had felt weird, almost like Nikki was trapped in a bubble. Then she realised she had an oxygen mask over her mouth. She was in hospital, in what looked like a private room. Nikki lifted up her hand to remove the mask, but Harry was still clinging onto it and didn't seem to want to let go, so she used her left hand instead.

"What happened?" she asked the two men, who shot each other a worried look.

"You can't remember?" Harry asked her. Nikki felt tears spring to her eyes. Why couldn't she remember? She shook her head.

"Hey, it's okay..." Harry soothed, giving her a reassuring smile.

"You were in a car accident, Nikki. We think maybe you were run off the road," Leo explained. Nikki still couldn't remember anything, however, before Leo could continue his pager went off. He looked at it and tutted.

"I'm sorry, it's an emergency at the lab. I'd better go," he said apologetically. He gave Nikki's shoulder a squeeze before quickly walking off. Harry sat down on the side of Nikki's bed, still resolutely gripping her hand, as if scared that if he let go then Nikki would disappear.

"What's wrong with me?" Nikki croaked. Harry took a deep breath before answering.

"You've had a nasty bump on the head, they've had a look at your car and there was blood on the window, so we're assuming you hit it on that. You've also got three broken ribs and..." he swallowed hard before continuing, "When your car was thrown about, a pen landed on your lap. When you hit the tree and you were pushed against the steering wheel, the pen went right into your stomach. You had a severe bleed in your intestine and a hole in your diaphragm, but they took you to surgery and sorted that out."

Nikki used her free hand to pat her stomach and she could feel the wad of bandages there. However, she was still groggy from the anaesthetic so luckily couldn't feel any pain.

"And my head?" she asked again, not quite able to take in so much information.

"You hit it on the window. It's the right hand side of your head, you did have some glass embedded in it, but they gave you an MRI and it came back clear. However, you'll have to have a CT scan tomorrow just to make sure there's no delayed haemorrhage," he explained clearly. Nikki nodded, but that made her head hurt, so she stopped. However, with Harry's help she did manage to sit up in bed a bit.

"How did this happen?" she asked shakily.

"I was rather hoping you could tell me," he said with a weak smile. Nikki screwed her eyes shut tight, trying with all her might to remember any little detail.

"It was Halloween," she said and Harry nodded.

"It was yesterday morning, you've been out cold nearly 24 hours."

"I can't remember," she whispered, feeling tears trickle down her cheeks.

"It's okay... All this will come back to you. It's just temporary retrograde amnesia. This has happened before, hasn't it? And you remembered then," he told her, giving her hand a squeeze. Nikki wiped her cheeks and smiled at Harry.

"Have you been sat here all morning?" she asked him.

"All night," he replied sheepishly. "And all of yesterday."

"You were?" Nikki asked, deeply touched.

"Yeah. I could hardly leave you unattended with all these handsome doctors milling about," he grinned. Nikki laughed, but not only did it make her cough, it made her stomach and ribs hurt as well. "Oww," she groaned.

"You have no idea how scared me and Leo were," he told her seriously. "The doctors kept saying it was 'touch and go' and the next 24 hours were 'critical', and you had so many machines attached to you yesterday, not to mention a whopping great tube in your throat."

"That's why it's so sore," she realised, and Harry nodded.

"I was so relieved when you started fighting it in the early hours of this morning. Well, actually I thought you were choking at first, which scared the hell out of me, but you were just trying to breathe on your own. When I realised that I was relieved."

Nikki smiled at him. "I can't believe you were here all night."

"Well, the doctors let you if the patient is in a critical condition," Harry said, but that wasn't what Nikki meant, and she knew that Harry was aware of that as well.

"That's why you're wearing the same clothes as you were yesterday," she said, then realised exactly what she'd said. Harry grinned.

"See! You're already beginning to remember!"

"Talk me through what happened yesterday morning," she said to him.

"Okay... You and me were in the cutting room working on the suicide victim from a few days ago when Leo came in and announced that there was a new case. We argued over who was going to get it, and you won. It was in a field at a farm. The body had been arranged to look like a scarecrow. You were working with DCI Paul Harmer..."

"I remember throwing something at you," she said slowly, frowning as she concentrated. Harry laughed.

"You pinged your rubber glove at me as you left to go the farm."

Nikki shut her eyes and put her hand on her forehead as she tried to think about the previous morning. "I was run off the road?" she asked after a while.

"Well, we think so. Your case was stolen, so the police assumed that someone was trying to stop you examining the evidence," Harry told her.

"I remember Paul Harmer. He was nice, not like most of them," she said. However, her head was beginning to ache with the effort of concentration, and she winced.

"Nikki, get some rest. Stop trying so hard to remember. It will come back to you eventually," Harry said. Nikki slipped back down in the bed slightly to get more comfortable.

"You should go and get some rest too," she mumbled sleepily and Harry chuckled.

"I'm good right here," he said. Nikki smiled as she her eyelids flickered shut. She could feel Harry stroking the back of her hand with his thumb as she let herself drop off.

_She was driving in her car. The road was still and empty. However, a loud roaring noise behind her car caught her attention. There was a motorbike. Red with white stripes. It was getting closer. Too close. She began to panic, pressed her foot to the accelerator, but with little effect. The bike drew level with the passenger window, a hand went up to the visor... Everything blurs, just flashes of colour... Now she was hurtling through the trees, being tossed around brutally, she was screaming... she was screaming and crying... screaming so loudly..._

"Dr Alexander!"

Nikki opened her eyes and realised she was sat up in bed and still screaming. She reached out for Harry but he wasn't there, it was only a concerned looking doctor and nurse. She couldn't stop the noise coming out of her mouth... It had been so vivid. She hit away the arms of the nurse trying to calm her, and the flow of her tears increased. Suddenly, the door was flung open and Harry ran in. He saw what was happening and immediately was at Nikki's side. She stopped screaming and clung to him as she sobbed. Harry's arms were wrapped around her, and she gripped on to his jumper as if her life depended on it.

"I've got it from here, thank you," she heard Harry telling the doctors, who left the room. "Nikki? What is it? What happened?"

Nikki was still sobbing, her breathing was sharp and shallow. She shook her head to tell Harry that she couldn't speak about it yet.

"Okay, when you're ready," he said. "Shhh... Come on, deep breaths. You're safe here."

He picked up her oxygen mask and held it gently over her mouth and nose. Nikki pressed her hand over Harry's on the mask and pressed on it. She took deep gulps of the oxygen, and eventually began to regain control of her breathing. She shut her eyes and flopped her head against Harry, who stroked her hair softly. After a minute she removed her hand from Harry's, who took the mask away. Nikki then sat up straight again, taking a deep, shuddering breath as she did so. Harry pulled a tissue out of his pocket and passed it to her.

"Don't worry, it's clean," he smiled. Nikki accepted it gratefully and dabbed at her cheeks. She then leant back against her pillows. "Are you going to tell me what happened now?"

Nikki had to fight the tears again as she remembered the details of the dream. "I think I remember," she said quietly. "What does the road look like that leads to the farm?"

"Erm... It's quite busy normally. It runs through a large copse of trees, so they line either side of it. There are quite a few bends in it as well," Harry described. Nikki nodded and proceeded to explain to Harry what she'd dreamt.

"He showed you his face?" he asked when she finished. "What did he look like?"

"That bit I can't remember. It just goes blurry as his hand touches his visor."

"So it wasn't an accident then?" Harry said grimly. "When I find out who it is that put you in this hospital bed..."

"You're going to what? Kill him?" Nikki asked incredulously.

"He tried to kill you."

"So you're going to sink to his level?" she asked, worried slightly by what he was implying.

"No," Harry sighed, coming to his senses. "I just... Look at what he's done to you."

"I'm okay. It was just a bad dream, that's all," she smiled.

"But it wasn't a dream! That's my point. It's attempted murder. You can't possibly be okay. You've had extensive surgery, you've got amnesia, not to mention the fact that you came off life support just hours ago. You are not okay."

"Fine, so maybe I'm not okay at the moment," Nikki conceded. "It's been a bit of a shock waking up in hospital, plus suddenly remembering all that. But I will be okay. And to get better I need you to be here by side without me worrying that you're going to do something stupid. You and Leo, of course," Nikki added quickly, to stop awkward questions being asked.

"I'm not going to do anything stupid," Harry tutted. "But you're my best friend, and I hate seeing you get hurt."

"Yeah, well... I don't particularly enjoy it myself," she said. Harry snorted and Nikki smiled at him. "Where is Leo, by the way?"

"He's doing the PM on your scarecrow victim. The police are all over it now, after what happened to you. Oh, which reminds me. You had some visitors earlier, but you were asleep so they said they'd come back later," Harry told her.

"Who was it?"

"DCI Harmer and a PC Andy Bowen."

"Oh, I would have liked to have seen Paul. Who else did you say it was?"

"PC Andrew Bowen I think he said his name was. Nice bloke, few years younger than yourself, cockney accent..."

A sudden image of a uniformed police officer with untidy brown hair swum in Nikki's mind. She smiled. "I remember. Did they say when they would come back?"

Harry shook his head. "Just 'later'. They probably want to ask you a few questions."

"Not that I'll be much use," she scoffed.

"What are you talking about? You remembered the bike clearly, plus eventually I'm sure you'll remember who the driver was."

"I'm not entirely sure I want to," Nikki admitted, and Harry looked shocked.

"Why?"

"I don't know... I just have this bad feeling about the identity of the man."

"Compared to the warm, fuzzy feelings that everyone else gets about their assassins?" Harry asked sceptically.

Nikki laughed. "Forget it, I'm being stupid."

Harry grinned at her and grabbed the newspaper that was lying on the table in the corner. He then leant back in his chair, pulled out a pen, and proceeded to do the puzzles in the back.

"Harry?"

Harry didn't look up from his paper as he said, "Mmm?"

"Thank you," Nikki said quietly, and Harry looked up this time. "For staying here all this time, and for looking after me earlier, and... everything."

Tears began to trickle down her cheeks again, and Harry put the paper down before leaning forward in his chair so that he was closer to her. He picked up the tissue that he'd given her earlier and gently wiped her cheeks.

"That's okay," he said softly. "Thank you for not dying last night. I don't know where I'd be without you. I'd probably spend a lot less time in this damn hospital, but that's beside the point."

Nikki let out a watery chuckle and Harry winked at her. However, they both became very aware of just how close their faces were. Nikki could feel Harry's breath on her cheek, and she was certain that he'd be able to see the tears still clinging to her eyelashes. Suddenly Harry jumped up, clearing his throat. Nikki took a deep breath and scrunched the tissue up in her hand.

"I'm, umm... I'm going to get some lunch," Harry stuttered, jerking his thumb in the direction of the door. "Get some... sandwiches or something. Do you, erm... do you want me to bring you something back? Anything has to be better than the hospital food that they're going to give you in a few minutes."

Nikki grinned at him. "Sandwiches would be great thanks, I'm starving."

"What do you want in them?"

"I don't care, you choose. You know what I do and don't like," she said. Harry smiled at her.

"Okay. I'll be back in a minute," he told her and left the room.

Nikki sat back against the pillows and blew out a long breath. That was close. She unravelled the tissue in her hand and tentatively sniffed it. It smelt just like Harry where it had been in his pocket, and it was strangely comforting. She tucked it under her pillow. Harry wasn't going to be by her side all day, every day, and she had a feeling that tissue might come in handy.

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**Wowee, long chapter. What do you think? I'm going to keep you all (wrongly) guessing who the killer is a little while longer, and I'm telling you, when his (or her) identity is revealed, it's going to get rather tense and exciting. Review!**


	3. Leo's Rather Enlightening Freudian Slip

**Chapter 3:** Leo's Rather Enlightening Freudian Slip

Nikki woke up, but didn't open her eyes. She didn't know how long she'd been asleep, but now she could hear that Leo was here as well. He and Harry were having a heated, whispered conversation, and Nikki was rather curious as to what it was about, so she feigned sleep for a while longer.

"Are you going to tell her?" Leo was saying.

"No! Nikki needs her friends right now, and telling her could seriously compromise our friendship. There's no way I'm doing that," Harry replied. Nikki had heard enough. She was slightly scared of what she might hear next, so stirred and opened her eyes.

Her room was dark, so she assumed it was evening. Harry and Leo were smiling at her from by her bed, and Nikki was really pleased to see Leo.

"Hey Leo," she said, her throat still a bit sore. Then she turned to Harry. "Are you still here?"

"That's nice, isn't it? I keep a constant vigil at your bedside, and that's what I get for it?" Harry grinned.

"No, I meant you must be exhausted. Go home, Harry," she smiled. It wasn't that she wanted him to go, she just didn't want to look too clingy. Harry looked uncertain, so she added, "Leo's here with me, it's not like I'll be alone."

"Okay. I could do with some proper food. I'll come back in the morning, okay?" he said. Nikki nodded. Harry turned to leave, but Nikki grabbed his hand.

"Thank you, Harry," she smiled. He nodded and after flashing her his trademark grin, he left the room. Nikki turned to Leo.

"Have they caught him yet? The guy who did this?"

"No, sorry. But don't worry about that. You just let the police do their jobs, and concentrate on getting better," Leo told her.

"I am. The doctor came round earlier and said I was making a 'very good recovery'. They thought I was going to have to be fed through a tube for a while, but they were so happy with my progress that they wanted to test my intestine and gave me solid food. Admittedly it was soup, and I wasn't allowed the sandwiches Harry bought for me, but it was still solid food."

Leo laughed. "That's great. How's your head?"

"Sore. It's like having a permanent migraine, but I'm dosed up on painkillers, so I can't really feel it," Nikki explained. "How are things at the lab?"

"Chaotic. Did you know there are armed police guarding the door now?"

"No! Why?"

"In case our killer comes to try and destroy more evidence, I think. I don't know, I've been rushed off my feet. Harry told me what you remembered. Have you seen his face yet?" Leo asked her.

"No. I keep trying to picture who was under the visor, but I can't," she said regretfully.

"Oh well, I'm sure it will come to you," he said. Nikki was unsure whether to say what she'd mentioned to Harry earlier. He'd scoffed at her, but she didn't know whether Leo would do that. Eventually she decided to tentatively broach the subject.

"Leo, I'm not sure that I want to know who it is..."

"Why not?" he asked her, just as bemused as Harry was.

"I just have a bad feeling about it."

"What sort of bad feeling?" he asked her. It was further than she'd got with Harry.

"Like... like I might know him," she admitted. Leo's eyes widened.

"You think you might know who tried to kill you?"

"Possibly. All I remember is that as soon as he lifted his visor, I lost control of my car. So something must have shocked me enough for that to happen," she reasoned.

"Or someone," Leo added grimly.

"Exactly."

Leo blew out a long breath and leant back in the chair. "Well I'm telling you now," he said. "The killer had better hope that I don't know him as well."

"Oh don't you start," Nikki sighed. "Harry's already told me what he intends to do when he finds out who's done it." She laughed slightly, but Leo looked worried.

"He did? What did he say?"

"He wasn't being serious, I don't think," Nikki said with a frown. "Just like you a second ago."

"Yes, but we all know what Harry's like with rash decisions," Leo reminded her.

"What? Oh Leo, come on!" she scoffed, unable to believe that she was having this conversation. "You just said 'the killer had better hope that I don't know him as well', but that doesn't mean that you're going to actually go out and kill him! So why should it be any different for Harry?"

"Well I'm not in love with you, am I?" he blurted out. Nikki took a sharp intake of breath.

"What did you just say?" she asked quietly. Leo bit his lip guiltily.

"Nothing. It was... a figure of speech," he said feebly.

"Don't lie to me, Leo. Is Harry... is he in love with me?" she asked nervously. Leo let out a resigned sigh.

"I don't know if it's 'love', but his feelings towards you are more than just friendship, yes."

"Oh my goodness... But he can't be. Perhaps you're wrong," she said desperately.

"He told me, Nikki," Leo stated. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to tell you, it just slipped out."

"Ah, the classic Freudian slip," Nikki said lightly, but she sniffed.

"But is it a bad thing?" Leo asked tentatively.

"What the Freudian slip?"

"No," Leo chuckled. "Harry having feelings for you."

Nikki didn't answer this immediately, but chose instead to gaze down at her hands. "It would be complicated," she muttered. "And weird. Very weird. That would be like me dating you!"

"I don't think so," Leo smiled. "I love you like a father loves his daughter, and you me like a daughter loves her father. It's different with you and Harry. There's always been something there other than friendship, you know that full well."

Nikki snorted. "We kissed once. Once," she stressed. "That doesn't mean we secretly love each other."

"Doesn't it?"

Nikki glared at her boss. "Aren't visiting hours over yet?"

He laughed and stood up, gathering his coat. "I'll see you tomorrow. Take care of yourself," he smiled, bending down to kiss her cheek. Nikki grinned at him as he left her room, leaving her in it alone. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost seven. Her stomach rumbled and she began to wonder when the nurses would bring her some food, even if it was liquidized mulch.

Nikki thought about what Leo had said about Harry. It would explain why he never left her side, and why he became so flustered after their 'moment' earlier in the day. But surely it wasn't love? It was probably just a crush, it would go away over time. Wouldn't it?

Nikki was pulled from her train of thought by a knock on the door.

"Come in," she called out, wondering who it was. DCI Paul Harmer stepped into the room, followed by another plain clothes police officer that Nikki didn't know. He was young, well-built, and had sandy-coloured hair.

"Hi Nikki," Paul greeted. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better," she said. "Take a seat."

Paul dragged both the chairs to the same side of Nikki's bed, and he sat in the one closest to her head.

"Nikki, this is DI Dave Jones. We're here to ask you a few questions, if that's okay?"

Nikki greeted DI Jones and turned back to Paul. "Fire away," she said.

"Right. We know that you're having trouble recollecting the events of yesterday, but is there anything that you _can_ remember?" he asked her carefully.

"I remember driving in my car along the main road back in the direction of the mortuary. It was deserted where you'd cordoned it off. However, a motorbike suddenly revved up behind me."

"A motorbike? Are you sure?" Paul asked her.

"Definitely. Anyway, it started getting really close, and I began to panic. I... I vaguely remember my phone being on the floor, so I must have dropped it before I could call for help. The bike then became level with the passenger wing mirror, and the driver lifted his visor up and showed me his face-"

"He showed you his face?" DI Jones exclaimed. "Can you remember what he looked like?"

"No," Nikki said. "Sorry, that's still blurry. But... I think I knew who it was at the time, because I was so shocked I lost control of my car. The driver then nudged the left headlight, which was all that it took to send me spinning out of control."

"It was someone you recognised?" Paul frowned.

"I think so. I could be wrong, but my instincts are telling me that I'm right," she smiled.

"How often are your instincts accurate?" Jones asked her with a grin.

"About 99% of the time," she laughed.

"Do you have _any _idea at all of who it was?" Paul asked her. Nikki shook her head apologetically.

"I don't, I'm sorry."

"That's okay. You've given us a lot already," he smiled.

"The doctors are hopeful that I'll regain my full memory, so fingers crossed, in a few days I'll be able to tell you," Nikki informed them, although Paul was busy scribbling something down in his notebook. DI Jones grinned at her, however, before asking, "Can you describe the bike, Dr Alexander?"

"Call me Nikki. And of course. It was red, and had white strips on it. The driver's helmet matched. It was quite a big, expensive-looking motorcycle," Nikki told them, frowning in concentration.

"Did you see the numberplate?"

"No. I was more interested in trying not to die, to be honest," she chuckled. The two men smiled sympathetically.

"Okay, I think that's all. We'll leave you to get some sleep," Paul said, standing up. DI Jones copied him.

"Thanks for your help," he grinned. "If you remember anything else, no matter how small, then just let us know."

"I will. Bye," Nikki smiled. The two men left the room, and Nikki suddenly realised how silent it was. Being the evening, the ward outside her room was quiet and still. Nikki sat up a little straighter, her ears and eyes on constant alert. What if the killer decided to come back and finish the job? He must know that she was still alive, and therefore likely to tell the police about his identity. Nikki mentally scolded herself for thinking these thoughts. She was only scaring herself more than she already was. However, left alone in a room with no one to watch over her, she felt a shiver of fear travel up her spine.

* * *

**Another chapter for you! I'm quite efficient at uploading this story at the moment! It's because it's new and exciting. It won't last. :P  
****I'll give you a clue about the murderer: it's someone that you all know. It's not a character that I'm just going to make up when his (or her) identity is revealed, he (or she) has already been introduced in the story. Hee hee, I'd like to hear your guesses if you have any, so let me know in a review! Then I can see how obvious - or not obvious, hopefully - I am making it. **


	4. You Infuriate Me

**Chapter 4: **You Infuriate Me

Nikki jumped when the door opened and the doctor who was treating her – Dr. Reed – crept into the room to perform his early morning check-up on her. He looked surprised to see Nikki sat up in bed, wide awake.

"Dr. Alexander? Are you feeling okay?"

"Fine," she told him, her voice slightly higher pitched than normal.

"It's just that... sleep is very important to help your body recover, but you know that. So would you like to tell me why you are wide awake at five in the morning?" he asked knowingly.

"I just can't sleep," she sighed.

"Are you in pain? I can give you some more morphine."

"No, it's not that." Nikki took a deep breath. "I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" Dr. Reed asked her, sitting down in the chair beside her bed.

"Of the killer coming back to get me while I'm asleep," she confessed. "I just couldn't close my eyes last night without seeing that bike in my head."

Dr. Reed sighed. "It's perfectly normal to suffer from sleeping difficulties after a traumatic experience. I can give you something for it tonight. As for being scared, there's no need. You are aware that there's an armed policeman outside your door?"

Nikki raised her eyebrows. "No one told me that," she said, shocked but immediately relaxing.

"Well there is. He's a big, burly bloke. You'd be mad to cross him," Dr. Reed grinned.

"What, as in psycho-killer mad?" she asked lightly, and the doctor laughed.

"Okay," he said, getting up and unhooking the chart from the end of Nikki's bed. "How's the pain in your head this morning? On a scale from 1 to 10," he asked her professionally.

"About four," Nikki replied.

"Good. And how about your stomach? Did you manage to keep the food down that Nurse Brenda gave you last night?"

"Yes, but only just. That wasn't because of my intestine though, it was because what she called vegetable stew was actually vomit in a bowl," Nikki complained, causing Dr. Reed to laugh again.

"Don't let Brenda hear you say that, or she'll give you the stale bread and off-milk with your breakfast." Nikki giggled and the doctor pulled on his gloves. "Okay, I'm going to take a look at your incision now. Make sure it's healing up okay."

Nikki lifted her hospital gown to reveal a large dressing underneath. Dr. Reed then carefully peeled this back, and for the first time Nikki could see the large cut on her stomach where she'd had her operation. It was almost four inches long, and the stitches made her look like Frankenstein.

"Good, it appears to be healing nicely. There's very little swelling and no sign of infection," Dr. Reed muttered as he poked at the cut.

"Will it leave a permanent scar?" Nikki asked worriedly.

"Yes, but it will be considerably smaller than it is now. I can prescribe some cream once I discharge you that will greatly reduce the visibility of the scar."

"Good," Nikki said.

"Right, I'd love to stop and chat but I have patients to tend to," the doctor said, snapping off his gloves and throwing them into the bin.

"Thank you doctor," Nikki smiled as he left the room. He grinned at her and then he was gone. Nikki flopped back against her pillows, smiling to herself. To know that there was someone outside her door was a huge relief. She finally felt safer, and closed her eyes, intent on getting some sleep.

*

Nikki awoke to a loud clattering noise. In her half-asleep state she almost cried out, but then realised it was only Nurse Brenda with a food trolley.

"Good morning, Dr Alexander," she smiled. "I thought we'd try you with some scrambled egg this morning."

Nikki took a deep breath before shifting so that she was sat up against the back of her bed. The smell of freshly-cooked scrambled eggs was rather appealing, and seeing as she'd only had soup the previous night, she was quite keen to get some proper food inside of her. When the plate was put on her over-bed table, she eagerly took a spoonful. It was nice. A lot nicer than the soup, that's for certain.

"Okay. Now you've got some solid food inside of you, we'll have to watch your intestine carefully over the next 12 hours. If it shows no sign of inflammation or infection, then we can progress to rougher foods," Nurse Brenda informed Nikki. Nikki nodded, too busy shovelling spoonfuls of egg into her mouth to reply. When she was done the nurse put her plate on the trolley and passed her a glass of orange juice. She then refilled Nikki's water jug and left the room.

Nikki sipped on her juice, watching the sun rise through her window. It looked like a beautiful winter's day, it was a shame she was stuck in a hospital bed. However, the juice started to take effect, and after a while the desire for the toilet was overpowering. Luckily there was an en suite to her room as it was a private one, but it still took Nikki a lot of effort to climb out of bed. The wound on her stomach twinged in protest, and Nikki found that her broken ribs, too, were not happy at being forced out of bed. Eventually she managed it though, and she slowly padded across to the bathroom, wheeling her drip with her.

When Nikki came out again, only a minute later, it was to find Harry had entered her room. He was panicking about something, and once he spotted Nikki the immense relief on his face made it clear that he was worrying about her whereabouts.

"There you are!" he cried. "Thank God, I was imagining all sorts!" He walked over to her and embraced her in a hug. Nikki smiled and hugged him back the best she could with a drip attached to one arm, but she said "Owww!" when Harry squeezed her just a bit too hard.

"I'm sorry," he said apologetically, helping Nikki back into bed. "How are you feeling today?"

"Sore, but no longer hungry after a rather enjoyable breakfast of scrambled egg," she smiled.

"Oh, I bought you some stuff," Harry said, pointing to one of Nikki's large flowery holdalls in the corner of the room.

"How did you get into my house?" she asked him, eyebrows raised.

"I know you hide the spare key in the geranium pot," he confessed. Nikki giggled.

"Thank you," she said gratefully, although the idea of Harry rummaging through her drawers made her feel a bit funny, even though it was what a lot best friends would do.

"I got you these on the way here as well," he added, passing her a carrier bag. In it were two or three women's magazines and a notepad and pen.

"The magazines are great, thank you so much," she said. "But why have you got me a notepad and pen?"

"I thought that you could use it to help you remember. You can write things down in it and it might help you piece everything together."

It was such a sweet thing for Harry to do that Nikki felt inexplicable tears spring to her eyes. However, then she thought about what Leo had said and decided that it would be best for her not to get too emotional.

"This is amazing. You're amazing," she told him. "But shouldn't you be at work?"

"Leo's given me the day off," said Harry, shifting in his chair so that he was more comfortable. "I had to beg and plead, but he gave in eventually."

"You don't have to do that for me," Nikki said modestly, although she was glad that she was going to have company.

"I didn't," Harry corrected her. "I did it to get the day off work."

Nikki laughed and Harry grinned at her.

"I had a visit from the police last night," she informed him.

"Have they had any leads yet, do you know?"

"They didn't say. They seemed surprised when I mentioned a motorcycle though. I just wish I could remember the face of the driver..."

"You will. It will come back to you and then the police can catch the bastard that did this to you," Harry said forcefully. There was something in his voice that Nikki had never heard before, and she didn't particularly like it.

"You really hate this guy, don't you?"

"Don't _you_?" Harry asked her incredulously.

"Of course I do," she insisted. "But I don't want you doing anything stupid."

Harry sighed. "Haven't we had this conversation?"

"Yeah. You're right, I'm sorry," Nikki said, forcing a smile.

"So, when are you getting out of here?" he asked her.

"Who knows? Soon hopefully."

"Good. Although, I like getting the time off," Harry grinned. Nikki tutted at him.

"Is that all I am to you? An excuse to have time off work?" she asked him, but she was joking.

"Yep."

"Well then you can leave," she said playfully.

"It's okay, I'm good right here," Harry said, putting his feet on Nikki's bed. She sighed and tried to push them off.

"Get off of my bed!" she exclaimed.

"I bet you've never said that before," he snorted. Nikki stopped hitting his shoes and glared at him.

"I hate you. You infuriate me," she told him. Harry just laughed.

"Now that you _have_ said before."

Nikki let out a frustrated groan and buried herself in one of her magazines, but she couldn't stop the corners of her mouth twitching.

After five minutes, however, Harry began to get bored. He tugged Nikki's magazine out of her hand and laughed when he saw the article she'd been reading.

"_What each kiss means,_" he read aloud. "_Kiss on the forehead: we're cute together_... ha ha, this is great..."

"Harry! Give it back!" Nikki laughed.

"No! I want to know what each kiss means!" he said, holding the magazine out of Nikki's reach. "Okay... _on the cheek: we're friends. _Hmmm..." He looked curiously at Nikki, almost as if trying to remember all the times he'd kissed her. "Right, well I kiss you on the cheek all the time, so that sounds about right."

"Harry..." Nikki moaned. He ignored her, however.

"Next one... _kiss on the hand: I adore you. Kiss on the neck: I want you, now. _Ooh, I do say!"

Nikki laughed, trying and failing once again to grab the magazine back.

"_Kiss on the shoulder: You're perfect. _Aww, that one's sweet, isn't it?" Harry went on. Nikki shook her head and resigned herself to the fact that Harry wasn't going to stop winding her up.

"Right, final one... _Kiss on the lips: I love you._"

They both froze, and Nikki could clearly remember Harry kissing her in the pub all those years ago. On the lips. Harry cleared his throat and avoided Nikki's gaze. She tugged the magazine from his hand and flipped it shut.

"You know, these articles are crap anyway," she said. Harry looked up and nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh yeah, utter rubbish."

"And this is meant for couples, I expect," she continued.

"Exactly. We were just messing around that time at the conference, it's completely different," Harry pointed out.

"See, nothing to worry about," Nikki smiled.

"Oh no, not at all," Harry grinned. However, both their smiles vanished and they looked away from each other. Harry stood up suddenly.

"I'm going to get a coffee," he said. He gave her a quick grin and left the room. Nikki ran a hand over her face and sighed. She was going to have to talk to Harry. Otherwise things were going to get awkward, because although he wasn't aware that Nikki knew how he felt, she was, and images kept popping into Nikki's mind. Images that were doing nothing to help Nikki stop thinking of Harry as more than a friend.

* * *

**Bit of a boring chapter, but I haven't updated for a while. I got the 'what each kiss means' thing from Google, and I'm thinking of doing a one shot based on it. What do you think?  
****The next chapter might get a bit exciting by the way. That's all I'm saying...  
Oh, ****I got my GCSE results this morning! I'm very happy. Three A*'s, four A's and four B's. It's so much better than I expected. Please review!**


	5. It Was You, Wasn't It?

Chapter 5: It Was You, Wasn't It?

Nikki was bored. It was her third day in hospital, and she had exhausted the supply of magazines that Harry had bought her, not to mention the fact that no one had visited her yet that day. Mind you, it was only ten a.m., and she knew Harry and Leo had to work. There was no one else to visit her besides them.

With that depressing thought in her mind, Nikki picked up the notepad Harry had given her and began to doodle things on it. The motorbike, the road, the helmet of the driver... However, trying to remember what exactly had happened was virtually impossible. The details were slipping through her fingers like water in cupped hands. The more she tried to concentrate on something, the more she began to doubt whether she was imagining the images in her head.

A knock on her door pulled Nikki from her train of thought. She flipped the notepad shut and called, "Come in."

The door was pushed open and PC Andy Bowen stuck his head round the door. "Hey, Dr Alexander. I was just in the hospital and thought I'd pop by and see how you were," he said nervously. Nikki grinned at him, pleased to have a visitor.

"Hi, come on in," she said. Andy did so and took a seat beside Nikki's bed.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked her concernedly.

"I'm not too bad," she answered truthfully. "My ribs took a bit of a bashing which makes getting up to go to the loo very painful, but apart from that I'm okay."

Andy laughed. "Have you been able to remember any more yet?"

"No, unfortunately. The doctors are certain that I will eventually, they just don't know when," she smiled. "It could be tomorrow, or it could be next year."

"But you'll definitely be able to remember eventually?"

"Yes, I hope so."

"That's good news," Andy said. "At least then we'll hopefully be able to bring the guy to justice."

"That's what everyone keeps saying, but I'm scared about remembering his face," Nikki confessed.

"Oh yes, the Boss mentioned that you think you might know who it is," he frowned.

"I think I do, yes. It's worrying me, because I don't want it to be someone who I know and like, because then I'll be in a moral dilemma as to what to do."

"Yes, but if it is a friend then that friend tried to kill you! Surely there'd be no debate about whether to hand him in to us."

"I suppose you're right," Nikki sighed. "At the moment I just want to get out of this hospital though!"

Andy laughed. "I bet you do. I see you've got a large supply of women's magazines to keep you busy!"

"I've read them all," Nikki complained. "Harry bought them for me. You know, Dr Cunningham."

"Yes, I met him when I came with Paul to see you, but you were asleep," he explained.

"Oh yes. How's Paul getting on with the case? Do you have any leads yet?" Nikki asked.

"I'm not really supposed to tell you... but stuff the rules," he said and Nikki laughed. "There are 957 motorcycles matching the description you gave us just in the south-east. Because we don't have a numberplate we can't really narrow it down. But don't worry, SOCOs are trawling the crime scene for any forensic evidence. They'll find something. Paul won't really tell me any more. He's been acting a bit weird lately, kind of sidetracked and quiet," Andy frowned.

"He has?" Nikki asked. Andy looked up at her and smiled.

"Oh, I'm sure it's nothing, just a difficult case," he said reassuringly. However, a sudden, horrible thought had sprung to Nikki's mind. Before she could voice it to Andy though, there was a knock at her door and Harry stuck his head round. He smiled at Nikki and said, "Sorry, I'm not interrupting am I?"

"No, not at all," Andy grinned. "I should really be going anyway. I'll see you later, Nikki."

"Come back and visit any time," she smiled as he left the room. Harry then stepped in and passed Nikki a large bunch of flowers.

"Oh, Harry! They're lovely, thank you," she exclaimed.

"Well, I noticed you didn't have any and I thought you should," he grinned. Just then a nurse bustled in.

"You're popular this morning, Dr Alexander," she grinned as she scribbled something on Nikki's chart. "All these handsome young men visiting you."

Nikki laughed. "Yes, I'm very lucky."

"Do you want me to put those flowers in some water for you?" the nurse asked. Nikki passed them to her with a grateful smile. When she'd left Harry sat down in the seat Andy had just vacated.

"Harry, can I tell you something?" Nikki asked hesitantly.

"Of course."

"It's going to sound ridiculous, and I just want you to know that I am aware that it sounds stupid, but... I think it was DCI Paul Harmer that ran me off the road, and that killed that farmer... what was his name?"

"Graham Potts."

"Yes, him. I think it was Paul."

"Nikki..."

"Don't shoot me down, Harry, hear me out," she insisted.

"Fine. Give me a logical and reasonable explanation as to why you think it was Paul Harmer," Harry said.

"We're sure about the fact that it's someone I know, aren't we? And whoever it was came as such a shock that I lost control of my car. Which means that it was someone who I really wasn't expecting it to be. Like a police officer, for example. And then Andy said a minute ago that Paul had been acting really weird lately, distracted and quiet. It's because he knows that I'm alive and any minute now I'm going to tell the police that it was him who tried to kill me!" Nikki was shouting by the end of her speech, and now had to take a deep breath to calm herself down.

"Nikki, it wasn't Paul," Harry said carefully.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because he arrived at the lab just fifteen minutes after leaving the crime scene, in his _car_. He was then just as worried about you as me and Leo were when you didn't turn up. He said he only left a couple of minutes before you did," Harry told her.

"Okay, Mr Know-it-all, why has he been so sidetracked lately then?" Nikki asked, but Harry had an answer for this too.

"His wife miscarried their baby the day after your accident," he said quietly. This immediately dispelled Nikki's suspicions about Paul, and she felt guilty for thinking it was him in the first place.

"Why did no one tell me?" she asked.

"Because we know how much of a caring person you are and how much you liked Paul, and we just wanted you to concentrate on getting yourself better."

"That's why he was so quiet when he came to interview me," Nikki realised. She ran a distressed hand through her hair. "Oh God, I feel really bad now."

"You weren't to know," Harry said with a smile. "You're just trying to piece together this whole mess, as everyone is."

"Why can't I remember? It's like I'm being tormented. I can remember everything _except _his face," Nikki said sadly. Harry placed his hand over hers.

"It will come back to you eventually," he said.

Nikki nodded. "I know, I just wish eventually was soon."

"What did PC Bowen have to say for himself then?" Harry asked, sitting back in his chair.

"Not much, he just wanted to see how I was."

"Hmm... How very kind of him," Harry said with a knowing smile.

"Shut up," Nikki scolded.

"I didn't say anything!"

"No, but you were thinking it."

Harry laughed, but Nikki yawned widely and he frowned at her.

"Have you been sleeping?" he asked her worriedly.

"Of course," Nikki said unconvincingly.

"Liar."

"Fine," Nikki conceded. "I just find it difficult to drop off, that's all."

"Perhaps you should speak to someone about it," Harry suggested.

"I'm speaking to you."

"No," Harry laughed. "I mean a counsellor or someone."

"I don't need a shrink," Nikki said accusingly.

"I never said you did," he replied smoothly. "I just think perhaps it would help if you talked things through with someone."

Nikki didn't say anything. She knew Harry was right, but the idea of talking to stranger about her sleep issues wasn't very appealing.

"Right, I need to go back to work. You get some sleep, and I'll come back after lunch. I think Leo was planning on coming as well," he told her, standing up and putting his jacket on.

"Okay. Thank you for the flowers," Nikki smiled. Harry gave her shoulder a squeeze for leaving the room. Nikki sank back into her pillows, her fatigue finally catching up with her, and she drifted into an uneasy sleep.

_She was driving in her car. The road was still and empty. However, a loud roaring noise behind her car caught her attention. There was a motorbike. Red with white stripes. It was getting closer. Too close. She began to panic, pressed her foot to the accelerator, but with little effect. The bike drew level with the passenger window, a hand went up to the visor ... It was him. She couldn't believe it was him. She thought he was nice ... Now she was hurtling through the trees, being tossed around brutally, she was screaming ... she was screaming and crying ... screaming so loudly..._

Nikki woke up as abruptly as if someone had screamed in her ear. She was shaking and sweating and the image of her attackers face was burned into her brain. It was suddenly no longer just a blur, she could remember who it was. There was a knock at her door and Nikki almost cried out when the man in question stepped into her room. She scrambled right up onto her pillows, trying to put as much distance between herself and the murderer as possible.

"It was you, wasn't it?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"Yes," PC Andy Bowen replied calmly. "I see Dr Cunningham's gone at last. I was waiting for him to go."

"Why did you do it?" Nikki asked, determined to keep Andy talking until someone hopefully came into her room. However, the clock on the wall told her that lunch wasn't for another half an hour.

"Do what? Kill that great lump of a farmer or run you off the road?" he asked.

Nikki swallowed hard. "Why did you kill Graham Potts?"

"I don't know really..." Andy said thoughtfully. His apparent ease was unnerving Nikki. She couldn't see any weapons on him, but he was a policeman so that didn't mean he didn't have any. "He'd called us out earlier in the week because his barn had been vandalised and I just didn't... _like _him."

"You killed a man just because you didn't like him?" Nikki asked incredulously.

"Yes, essentially. And the fact that it was fun. I enjoy the power of having someone else's life in my hands. It makes me feel important," he replied casually. Nikki carefully looked around her. There was an alarm on the wall by her head, but there was no way she could hit it without Andy knowing.

"But why try and kill me?" she said.

"Well, I didn't know how much forensic evidence you had. I mean, I was very careful, wore gloves and the rest of it, but there's always a chance isn't there? I only wanted to steal your case really, not kill you. I like you, you're nice. But I couldn't get your case without stopping your car. I really didn't want to kill you."

"But you've come back to finish me off now?" she asked, struggling to stop herself from bursting into tears.

"Yes, but it's my own fault. When I was trying to run you off the road I couldn't see your case in your car anywhere, so I lifted my visor to see better. If I hadn't shown you my face, then I wouldn't be here now. But you said earlier that you were definitely going to remember, and I knew I was running out of time," he told her.

"You don't have to do this. I won't tell anyone," Nikki pleaded.

"Oh Dr Alexander, I know for a fact that's not true. You are a brilliant pathologist, you work very closely with the police. Of course you're going to tell someone."

"Please, please don't kill me. They'll catch you eventually, and then you'll have to pay for two murders instead of one," she begged.

"Yes, but did you not listen to me earlier? I _like_ to kill. So I get given two life sentences instead of one, it'll be worth it," Andy leered. He picked up the spare pillow that was on the chair beside Nikki. He was going to smother her with it. Nikki started crying, the fear that she felt then was worse than she'd been in the car, because this time she had no means of defending herself.

"Someone help me!" she screamed, as loud as she could, but Andy slapped a hand over her mouth.

"Shut up!" he spat. He raised the pillow, ready to bring it down over her face. Nikki kicked out but as Andy was level with her head, she couldn't reach him. The pillow was stopping her hitting him with her fists as well. She was completely defenceless.

However, with the best timing ever, the doors opened again. Nikki didn't immediately see who it was, and she didn't care. She let out a relieved sob when Andy recoiled from her, and clutched at her chest. Her breathing was coming in short, sharp gulps, and her head was spinning. Then she saw it was Harry and Leo at the door, staring at the scene in front of them. Andy dropped the pillow and barged past Harry, fleeing from the room. With a determined look on his face, Harry raced after him. Nikki sobbed and screamed at him to stop.

"Leo, it's him. It's Andy that tried to kill me," she sobbed. Leo immediately ran after Harry.

* * *

**Bit of a cliffy. The next chapter... OMG. Just wait for it. Review for me!**


	6. It's All Over

Chapter 6: It's All Over

Nikki, still sobbing, forced herself out of bed and shoved her feet into her slippers. She then tugged the drip out of her arm, wincing slightly, and threw on her dressing gown. When she left the room she could see the nurses and security guard wondering what was happening. As far as they were concerned, Andy was a law-abiding policeman.

"Call the police!" she screamed at them.

"Dr Alexander, you should be in bed!" Nurse Brenda shouted, but Nikki ignored her and ran down the corridors. Harry was going to do something stupid, she just knew it. Up ahead Nikki saw Leo disappear into the stairwell. Her legs felt like jelly from lack of use, her head was thumping, and her stomach felt like it had been sliced open again, but still Nikki ran after them.

When she reached the stairwell she could hear the pounding of feet above her. However, as keen as she was to catch up with them, Nikki had to resign herself to the fact that her body just wasn't well enough at that moment to fly up the stairs, so she had to take them more slowly.

On and on she went, the stairs seemed never ending. Her lungs were screaming at her to stop, but she persisted. Each time she reached a landing there was another door to another floor, but Nikki was confident by the footsteps several flights ahead of her that the men were still going up. Eventually the sound of footsteps stopped, and after three more flights of stairs Nikki reached a very small landing with a large, red door. She leant against the wall for a moment, catching her breath.

Her whole body ached and her chest was searing with every breath she took. It didn't help that she was still sobbing. Twenty minutes ago she'd been fast asleep, now here she was, about to go on to what looked like the hospital roof, petrified by what she might find. Nikki took a deep breath, pushed the door open, and stepped through.

She was indeed on the rooftop. The cold wind immediately whipped her hair around her face, although it was oddly refreshing. A few metres away stood Leo, who was watching something in front of him. Nikki quietly stepped to her left to see what was happening, pushing the door shut behind her.

Up against the railings that ran along the edge of the roof a fight was taking place between Harry and Andy. They were so precariously close to just toppling over the railings that Nikki's heart leapt into her mouth. She tried to shout out but found that her throat had ceased up. Leo, of course, was trying to talk to Harry, but it was having little effect. Nikki gasped as Andy suddenly threw a punch that knocked Harry backwards, but he soon returned the favour and Andy fell heavily to the ground. Tears leaked from Nikki's eyes as she observed the scene. She knew Harry would do something stupid, she'd known it all along. But this? This was something else.

Harry yanked Andy up again by the jumper on his chest and slammed his back into the railings so that Andy had to use his hands to cling on to them, and was therefore defenceless.

"Harry! Stop being stupid, let him go!" Leo shouted, suddenly a lot louder and more forceful than he had before. It was then that Nikki understood what Harry was intending to do. Fear rose in her throat like vomit, and she began shaking violently. She could see Harry shouting at Andy, but couldn't make out what he was saying because of the wind. Just then the door was flung open and half a dozen police officers stormed through, including Paul Harmer. Leo looked around at the noise and didn't look surprised to see the police there. He did look shocked to see Nikki, however. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve to clear her vision before turning to Paul.

"It was PC Bowen. He's tried to kill me twice now, and he also killed Graham Potts. I remember and he confessed," she sobbed.

"Okay, we know," Paul soothed, giving her arm a squeeze.

"Please stop him," Nikki begged desperately. "Don't let him throw his life away over this, please."

The officers knew she was talking about Harry, and immediately formed a large circle around the struggling pair. Nikki moved slowly over next to Leo, who put his arm around her shoulders.

"It'll be okay, Nikki," he said, although he sounded uncertain. "Everything's going to be okay."

Nikki just weeped at the sidelines as she watched the proceedings, desperately hoping that what Leo said was true.

"Dr Cunningham!" Paul called out. "Please step away from the edge!"

Harry was still pressing Andy so hard into the railings that the killer was bent backward at almost a ninety degree angle, facing a daunting drop below of what Nikki knew was over ten floors.

"Please Dr Cunningham! Let us take him, and we'll throw him in jail. Don't give him the satisfaction of ending his life, let him rot behind bars for the rest of his days!" Paul tried again.

"He deserves _hell _for what he did!" Harry shouted back, and it was the first time Nikki had heard him speak. She hated it, it sent an involuntary shudder up her spine. He sounded deranged, and never in her whole time of knowing Harry had she seen him so furious and determined. He was hell-bent on giving this man what he deserved, and Nikki knew the police weren't going to stop him. So when she saw Andy's body go yet another inch closer to death, she ran away from Leo, despite him trying to pull her back, past the police, until she was only a few metres from Harry.

"Harry!" she cried out. He turned slowly to look at her. He obviously hadn't realised she was there until that moment. "Harry please, don't do this! You're scaring me," she begged.

"He's tried to kill you, Nikki! Twice!" Harry bellowed, turning away from her.

"So do what Paul said and let him waste away in jail!" Nikki sobbed.

"I can't do that!" Harry shouted, sounding distinctly close to tears himself. Nikki could see Andy was absolutely terrified, his knuckles were white due to him gripping so hard to the cold metal railing.

"Yes you can!" Nikki cried defiantly. "You've got too much to lose!"

Harry snorted. "Is that a fact?"

Nikki could hear Leo calling her back, but she ignored him. She knew that she was possibly the only one who would get Harry to stop what he was doing.

"I know how you feel about me!" she shouted. Harry stopped struggling for a moment to absorb this piece of information. "And if you love me – if you really love me – then you'll let him go," she said seriously. "Do it for me. Because _I_ need you. I need you here with me, every minute, of every day, not sat opposite you wearing a brightly-coloured bib at a table for an hour every Sunday! I can't lose you Harry, the idea terrifies me. So please, please just let him go."

Harry's grip on Andy's jumper tightened, and for a moment Nikki thought he was going to throw him over the edge anyway and her stomach lurched. However, he pulled Andy away from the railings and flung him on the floor. Harry then stood there, his mouth wide open in shock at what he'd nearly done and his breathing shallow and jerky. His face was incredibly pale, and he suddenly turned and looked straight at Nikki with a kind of helplessness in his eyes.

Nikki walked straight over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling her into him. At that moment she couldn't even feel the pain in her body, and didn't care that she was frozen. All that mattered was that Harry had let Andy go. Nikki heard him release a sob into her shoulder, and she stroked the back of his head.

"It's okay now," she mumbled. Over Harry's shoulder Nikki saw Paul yank Andy off of the ground and throw a pair of handcuffs on his wrists before marching him off. Nikki then caught Leo's eye. He nodded at her and followed after the police, leaving Nikki alone on the cold and blustery rooftop with Harry.

She put her hands on Harry's shoulders and pulled back to look at him. He had tears rolling down his cheeks, and he looked so lost that Nikki didn't have the heart to be angry at him over what he'd done.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, a sob escaping his lips. Nikki pulled her into him again, holding him tightly.

"I know you are," she muttered. "I forgive you. But don't you ever scare me like that again, Harry Cunningham!"

"Everyone's going to hate me, aren't they? I mean, I almost killed a man!" Harry said, his voice shaking. Nikki looked at him again, but this time instead of saying anything she just put her hands either side of his face and kissed him. The wind suddenly got stronger, and Nikki took an automatic step closer to Harry. He wrapped his arms around her waist but it wasn't long before Nikki broke the kiss.

"No one hates you," she told him softly. "Now let's get back inside before I get hypothermia on top of everything else."

Harry smiled at her and after taking his hand she led him back inside. They took the steps slowly due to the fact that Nikki's stomach and ribs were incredible painful, and when they reached her ward again she never thought she'd be so pleased to see her bed. As soon as she'd climbed into it Dr Reed came bustling in, frowning at her.

"Right, I think that's enough excitement for one day, Dr Alexander, don't you?"

"I'm sorry, but I really couldn't just sit here in bed not knowing what was going on," she said sheepishly.

"Look, I don't know what happened on that roof, and I don't want to know what happened. My main concern is getting you better. So I'm just going to give you a quick check over, okay?" the doctor said.

Nikki smiled. "Okay."

Dr Reed then asked Nikki to roll up her hospital gown so that he could have a look at her. As Nikki did so, being careful to make sure the sheets were pulled up to her hips, Harry said to her, "Do you want me to go?"

"Don't be silly," Nikki smiled, taking his hand. Dr Reed carefully peeled back the dressing on Nikki's stomach, and she winced when she saw her scar, and saw Harry do so as well.

"Well, it's very red and inflamed," the doctor informed her. "You've obviously pulled on the stitches when you were climbing all those stairs. Luckily it doesn't look as if it needs restitching, so I'll just put a fresh dressing on and give you some antibiotics to stop any infection. I expect your going to want some more painkillers for your ribs as well, aren't you?"

"That would be quite good, yes," Nikki replied.

"Okay. How about your head? How's that feeling?" he asked, checking the wound on the side of her scalp.

"It's not too bad actually," Nikki said truthfully. "It kind of stings a bit."

"Well it's healing up quite nicely. I'm not too worried about that one."

"That's good. Doctor? When will I be able to leave here?" she asked.

"If everything continues to heal as well as it's doing at the moment, then I'd say in the next couple of days," Dr Reed grinned. Nikki let out a relieved sigh.

"That's excellent. Thank you," she said.

"No problem. I'll come back and check on you later," he said, and left the room. Nikki turned to Harry, who still looked a bit shaken up. She was about to say something to comfort him when there was yet another knock on the door and DCI Paul Harmer walked in.

"Hi, sorry to disturb you," he smiled. Nikki glanced nervously at Harry, who was looking apprehensive himself. Her grip tightened on his hand.

"It's fine," Nikki said. Paul walked over to the end of her bed.

"I just wanted to let Dr Cunningham know that no charges are going to be pressed," he told them. Nikki let out a relieved sigh. "Bowen is refusing to give a statement as to what happened up on that roof, and as far as the police are concerned, we didn't see anything."

"Thank you," Harry croaked out.

"Yes, thank you so much Paul, you've been brilliant," Nikki grinned. Paul nodded at them both and then left.

"Well that's good," Nikki said to Harry. "Andy did have a scrap of human left in him."

"I suppose..." Harry muttered miserably.

Nikki gave his hand a squeeze. "Hey, it's all over. Everything's going to be okay," she said soothingly. Harry looked straight at her.

"What is this, Nikki?" he asked abruptly, gesturing at her hand that was on his arm. "I mean, are we together now or what?"

"Do you want us to be together?" she asked him quietly.

"Of course! I just never thought you felt the same way," Harry replied. Nikki swallowed hard.

"Nor did I really. Not until I was on that rooftop," she confessed. "But I meant everything I said up there."

"This time we're going to make it work," he said determinedly.

"Okay then," Nikki smiled. She reached over and gave Harry another quick kiss, before shuffling over in bed and patting the space next to her. Harry climbed on, on top of the blankets, and put his arm around Nikki's shoulders whilst pressing a kiss to her hair.

"Everything's going to be okay," he muttered, repeating Nikki's words. She smiled, unable to believe that her and Harry were finally together. She lay her head on his chest, breathing in the smell that was so distinctly Harry, and let her eyes close.

* * *

**Okay, what do you think? Phew, it took a lot out of me writing this chapter. This isn't the end, by the way. I'll probably go to ten chapters. Please review! **


	7. Sink Or Swim

**Chapter 7:** Sink Or Swim

"Harry, stop fussing," Nikki scolded as he took her keys from her and let her into her own house.

"Sorry, I'm just trying to help," he said defensively, taking her bags through to her lounge. Nikki stepped into her house with a roll of her eyes. She had just been discharged from hospital, and the whole way home Harry had been fretting about how she was going to manage. Nikki walked into her lounge, wincing slightly as she pulled on her stitches, and saw that Harry was now rushing about plumping up her cushions, and moving coffee tables so that she had more room.

"Harry!" she exclaimed, and he looked up at her. "I'm not an invalid, I can look after myself. It's very sweet that you're trying to help, but I really don't need my cushions plumped and my furniture rearranged."

Harry looked slightly put out, so Nikki walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I just don't want you hurting yourself even more," he muttered. Nikki found this adorably cute, and reached up to give him a quick kiss.

"I'm okay. I'll take it easy, I promise. But just to let you know, I am coming back to work tomorrow," she said defiantly.

"You are not," Harry said loudly.

"I am."

"No, Nikki, you're not. There's no way you're ready to return to work! You can barely move without wincing, let alone go out to crime scenes and be on your feet all day. Just take a few days off, it won't kill you," he said forcefully.

"But Harry!" she whined. "It _will_ kill me! I hate being stuck at home bored, it's worse than being stuck in hospital bored!"

"You'll be fine. Me and Leo will come and visit you during our lunch hour," he said, obviously suppressing a grin.

"Oh okay. I'll just sit at home doing crossword puzzles and watching daytime TV whilst I eagerly await your arrival," Nikki said, her voice laced with sarcasm. Harry laughed and kissed her forehead.

"Sit down I'll get you some lunch," he said, patting her hip and moving into the kitchen. Nikki followed Harry into the kitchen and sat at her breakfast bar.

"Do you have to go back to work this afternoon?"

"Yes, soon unfortunately," he replied, his back to her as he pulled out some bread. Nikki just nodded. She was feeling slightly apprehensive about being in her house alone.

"Will you come round after work for a while?" she asked Harry casually after he put a sandwich in front of her.

"Of course. If you want me to," he grinned, turning away again and putting the kettle on. "I don't know what time it'll be, you know as well as I do how unpredictable our hours can be."

"It doesn't matter. Just as long as you come," she told him. Harry turned around and frowned at her as he stirred his tea.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied. "I just... want to spend some time with you."

Harry laughed and said, "As if we don't spend enough time together already. Not that I'm complaining, of course."

"You'd better not be, Dr Cunningham. I hope you realise that now we're a couple we're going to be spending even more time together," Nikki grinned.

"Well if I'd known that was part of the deal I'd never have signed up for this," he joked, before draining his cup of tea. Nikki just narrowed her eyes at him as he shrugged his jacket back on.

"Hey, if it wasn't for me you'd be in jail about now!" she said indignantly. Harry just laughed and bent down to give her a quick kiss.

"I'll see you later," he smiled.

"Bye," Nikki said softly, turning around on her stool to watch Harry leave the room. When she heard the front door click shut she sighed. She had a feeling it was going to be a long afternoon.

The first thing Nikki decided to do was unpack her case. It was rather a tedious task, but it had to be done. Besides, it would kill some time. Then she was going to completely relax and have a long, hot, bubble bath. Not only would it hopefully clean the incision on her stomach, but it would probably soothe her aching ribs as well.

*

When Nikki had got out of the bath darkness had fallen outside and her house was considerably colder than it had been earlier in the day. She shivered as she changed into her pyjamas and wrapped her dressing gown around her. When she emerged out of the sanctity of her bedroom and onto the landing Nikki gazed down the stairs nervously.

The entire downstairs was pitch black and a shudder crawled up Nikki's spine. She knew it was completely irrational to be scared in your own house, but what if someone had crept in whilst she was in the bath? What if someone was lurking around the corner, just waiting to pounce on her as she descended the stairs?

Ever so quietly and carefully, Nikki made her way down. As soon as she reached the bottom she reached over and snapped the light on. There was no one there, as she knew there wasn't. Tears brimmed in Nikki's eyes as she realised that everything that had happened to her recently was having a greater effect that she first realised.

A sudden, sharp knock at the door made Nikki jump violently. "Who is it?" she called out, trying not to let her fear show in her voice.

"It's me," came Harry's voice. Nikki let out a huge relieved sigh. As soon as she'd opened the door she flung her arms around Harry's neck. "Whoa, are you okay?" he chuckled, patting Nikki's elbow.

"I'm messed up. I'm completely messed up," she told him. Harry frowned at her.

"Right. I think we're going to need some coffee," he said, leading the way into Nikki's lounge. "Why is it so dark in here?"

"I was in the bath. I've only just come downstairs," she said. "Make yourself comfy, I'll get the coffee."

"Okay," Harry smiled, and Nikki went into the kitchen. While the kettle boiled she leant against the counter and sighed. When Harry had suggested that she spoke to a counsellor in hospital she'd shot him down, but now Nikki was beginning to think he was right. There was no way she could live her life in illogical fear.

Nikki hastily made herself and Harry a coffee and took it back through to the lounge, where Harry was waiting patiently on the sofa. She passed him his tea before sitting down and sipping her own.

"Harry?" she said after a while.

"Mmm?"

"You know when I was in hospital I couldn't sleep because I was scared that the killer would come back and finish me off?"

"Yeah..." he said slowly, a crease appearing on his forehead.

"It's... it's somehow got worse since I got home," she admitted, already feeling better just by voicing her concerns.

"It has?" he asked worriedly, placing down his mug.

"You must think I'm crazy, and if I'm honest I do as well. Because I am perfectly aware that I have absolutely no reason to be afraid of anything. But you should have seen me just before you arrived. I was too scared to even go downstairs at first! Why is it affecting me this badly?" she asked him quietly. Harry moved up the sofa closer to her and put an arm around her shoulders. Nikki leant into him, taking a deep, calming breath.

"You have been through more than most people in a lifetime. You've been kidnapped, you've been knocked unconscious in the depths of a hospital, you've been nearly strangled to death by someone you thought was a friend. Only last year you had your laptop stolen at gunpoint right outside your own house, and then just a few weeks later spent the night in African jail cell. To be quite frank, I'm surprised you're still standing. It's perfectly normal for you to feel insecure. Book an appointment with a counsellor. Until then, you know I'll be here for you," Harry said softly. "You just need to hang in there. You can let these fears overwhelm you and control your life, or you can fight against them. Sink or swim, Nikki."

Nikki sat up to look at him properly, before moving forward so that their foreheads were almost touching. Neither of them said anything; they didn't have to.

Harry kissed Nikki really gently and she put her hands on his shoulders to pull him closer. The kiss soon got more heated, and Harry deepened it. Nikki moaned slightly into his mouth, before breaking away and taking his hand.

"Come on," she muttered, leading him out of the room and up the stairs.

* * *

**I know it's short but I wanted to update. What has happened to the SW section on here? Has everyone **_**died**_**? I haven't had and email for aaages! Lol :D**


	8. Guilt Trip

Chapter 8: Guilt Trip

Nikki was lying in bed, wide awake despite it being the early hours of the morning. She was lying on her side with her back to Harry, staring out into her dark bedroom. Though it wasn't fear that was depriving her of sleep this time, it was guilt. Guilt because she'd used Harry.

In hospital whilst waiting to be discharged, Nikki had planned this entire evening that her and Harry were going to have for their first time together. There would have been candles and wine, chocolates and romantic music... But now they weren't going to have any of that. All because Nikki hadn't wanted to spend the night alone.

She hadn't planned for her and Harry to sleep together that night. Back in the hospital they'd agreed to take things slowly. Date first, sex later. But when Nikki had been kissing Harry all those hours ago on the sofa in her lounge, she had realised that he was the perfect way of making her feel safer whilst she lay in bed. She had used him, and she knew it.

Nikki rolled over to look at a silently sleeping Harry. He looked so content and peaceful, that Nikki couldn't bear it and turned her back to him again. She wasn't regretting actually sleeping with Harry, it had been the best sex she'd ever had, she just felt guilty for taking advantage of him. Harry had been so lovely to her, completely understanding her stupid fears. What was it he'd said? That she had to fight against these issues she had. Well, at the moment it was getting harder and harder to lift her fists. Maybe if she just ignored her problems then they would go away.

What was ironic was that she had enticed Harry into bed so that she'd be able to sleep without being scared, but the remorse over taking advantage of him was stopping her dropping off anyway. She might as well have just not done anything and had their special night another time after all.

*

Nikki was wide awake when Harry woke up the next morning. She had fallen asleep eventually, but only for an hour or two, and had promptly woken again at five-thirty. Harry looked around blearily, realised where he was, and frowning at Nikki.

"How long have you been awake?" he asked her sleepily. Nikki decided it was best to bluff her way out of this conversation. Harry was going to think she was a wimp if she kept saying how petrified of everything she was.

"Not long," she smiled. It wasn't really lying, she _had_ only been awake about an hour. But she wasn't going to mention the fact that she couldn't get to sleep in the first place.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her concernedly.

Nikki tutted and rolled her eyes at him. "I'm fine, Harry. I was just overtired last night, and got a bit... worked up," she said, knowing that this time it was a blatant lie.

"Promise you'll talk to me if... well, if you need to," Harry said, looking at her expectantly.

"Of course," Nikki said, before shifting sideways slightly so that she was closer to him. Harry wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into him, planting a kiss on Nikki's shoulder.

"I'm coming with you to the lab today," she said after a minute, and immediately felt Harry stiffen. However, before he could protest she cut across him. "I'll just sit at my desk and do paperwork. I'll be more use at work than I will here. You and Leo must be busy with me off anyway, so let me help."

"Just paperwork?" Harry asked doubtfully.

"I promise," Nikki said firmly. "And maybe the odd post mort-"

"Nikki," he interrupted, using his warning voice.

"Fine. Just paperwork," she conceded. "It was worth a try."

Harry laughed and buried his chin in the crook of Nikki's neck, sending a shiver up her spine. She felt so safe in Harry's arms, like nothing could ever hurt her ever again. It was what happened when they got out of bed that worried her.

"Leo's not going to like you coming back to work so soon," Harry muttered.

"I don't care. I can't spend another day cooped up in this house," she replied.

"That's the only reason you're coming back is it?" he asked knowingly. "Just because you're bored."

"Of course, what else would it be?"

"It's got nothing to do with what you said to me last night?"

"No," Nikki lied. "I told you, I'm okay."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, until Harry said, "Come on, we'd better get up. I've got to go home and get some clean clothes before I do anything else. Come with me and I'll give you a lift to work." He leant over her to press a kiss to her cheek.

"I don't want to get up," Nikki whined, rolling onto her back and looping her arms around Harry's neck, playing with his hair absent-mindedly. "Why can't we just stay here all day?"

Harry laughed. "That does sound very appealing, but I don't think Leo would appreciate it."

Nikki kissed him, and when they broke apart she muttered, "I think I love you."

Harry grinned at this and gave her another quick kiss. "Well you know that I love you," he smiled. "And that I'll be here for you whatever, just like you were there for me on that rooftop."

Nikki gave him a small smile. Harry pulled her into a kind of horizontal hug, and Nikki rested her chin on his shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around him. A tear worked it's way down Nikki's cheek, but she wiped it away gently and returned her hand to the back of Harry's head.

"Don't ever leave me," she whispered. Harry's grip on her tightened.

"I won't," he told her, his voice cracking slightly.

*

When Nikki arrived at work hand-in-hand with Harry later that morning, she wasn't surprised to see Leo come rushing out of his office, glaring at her.

"What do you think you're doing here?" he asked her.

"I work here," she attempted feebly.

"You're supposed to be at home recuperating," Leo reminded her.

"I know, but I get so bored at home. Just let me do some paperwork and reports," she begged. "I'll be sat at my desk recuperating."

The corners of Leo's mouth twitched and Nikki knew she'd won. However, Leo rounded on Harry instead. "I can't believe you let her come in!"

"Harry didn't really have much choice in the matter," Nikki grinned.

"I have a feeling I won't have much choice in anything from now on," her boyfriend grimaced. Leo laughed.

"You never have, Harry," he joked, before turning once again to Nikki. "I do not want you to move from that desk all day. No autopsies, no crime scenes. You will do nothing but paperwork and research."

"Fine. Thank you," Nikki said.

"And if you so much as get a twinge of pain in that stomach of yours, then I am sending you home without argument."

Nikki tutted and looked at Leo reproachfully, but didn't say anything.

"Right. Now we've got that sorted, I have work to be doing," their boss said, retreating back into his office. Nikki walked over to her desk, wincing as scar twinged, but not letting on to Harry. He was busy rummaging around on his own desk, however, and saw nothing. As Nikki was getting her computer up and running, Harry wheeled a stool over and sat on the other side of her desk.

"Yes?" she asked him amusedly. Harry's face was uncharacteristically serious as he pushed a small something towards her. It was a cream coloured business card with the name 'Grace King' on it.

"What's this?" Nikki asked bemusedly.

"It's the number of a friend of mine. She's a counsellor," Harry told her quietly. Nikki's face fell.

"I don't need a therapist. I'm not going crazy."

"I never said you were. I just think you need someone to talk to," he said. There was something patronising in Harry's tone, and Nikki didn't like it. She pushed the card back at him.

"I'm fine, Harry. I don't want or need it."

Harry sighed and took the card. "You always have been stubborn," he muttered. "It's one of the many things I like about you. But sometimes you need to let people help you."

He stood up and walked off, leaving Nikki to think about what he'd said. But what did Harry know? He wasn't the one feeling what she was feeling, he wasn't the one who was almost killed coming back from a routine crime scene. Nikki just wished that everyone would stop asking her if she was okay. So she was feeling a bit down at the moment, and a bit anxious about things, that did not mean that she needed to see some shrink. It was nothing major, Nikki knew she could have been a lot more traumatised by what happened to her, and she would get over it. It just might take a while. But until then she had Harry, and Leo. Even if she wasn't going to bring up how she was actually feeling with either of them – not after hearing Harry's condescending tone earlier – she could still feel safe being with the pair.

Nikki's computer beeped and it pulled her out of her train of thought. She looked at it to see an instant message from Leo asking her how she was. Nikki had to take a deep breath to calm herself down, this was exactly what she was just thinking about. She sent Leo back a quick message telling him that she was fine and to stop asking her that, before switching her status to 'offline'.

*

The rest of the afternoon passed agonisingly slowly for Nikki. Her paperwork was boring, and she was half-regretting her decision to come in to work. Harry and Leo had been busy on a case all day, meaning that Nikki hadn't even had them to take her distract her from the dull task of typing things up.

However, mercifully the clock eventually reached six, and Harry appeared back in the room, all changed out of his scrubs and ready to leave.

"Shall we go?" he grinned. Nikki nodded and smiled before standing up and gathering her bag. She laced her fingers through Harry's as they left the lab.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier," Nikki said.

"That's okay," he chuckled. "I think you can be excused from snapping at people at the moment."

Nikki bit back a retort to this patronizing comment about how she was coping, and instead just nodded at Harry before sitting down heavily in his car. The majority of the journey was spent in a comfortable silence, and it wasn't until Harry pulled up outside Nikki's house that things began to go downhill.

"So, have you thought any more about what I said earlier?" Harry asked as he switched off the engine.

"About what?" Nikki asked, unbuckling her seatbelt.

"About speaking to a counsellor?"

Nikki froze in the process of grabbing her bag, and slowly turned to look at Harry.

"No, I haven't thought any more about it, because I'm not speaking to a counsellor!" she exclaimed. Harry tutted.

"I really think it would help," he said softly.

"How would you know what would help me or not, Harry? Stop trying to make me do things that I don't want to! I thought you understood how I felt?" she said, the level of her voice rising.

"I do understand!" Harry insisted.

"Obviously you don't, or else you wouldn't keep forcing me to speak to some shrink!" Nikki shouted. "There is nothing wrong with me, I am fine! And people keep asking me if I'm okay is doing my head in! So I almost died, so what? It's happened before, and no doubt it will happen again one day! But I am coping the best I know how, so just leave me the bloody hell alone!"

Nikki got out of Harry's car and stormed down her garden path, fishing for her keys.

"Nikki!" he called after her, also out of his car and stood on the pavement.

"Don't even _think _about coming after me!" she cried. Her front door swung open and Nikki stepped through it, slamming it behind her.

Being winter, as soon as she was inside darkness engulfed Nikki. The overwhelming apprehension that she had the previous night resurfaced once again, and Nikki could barely make it to the light switch in her hall without shaking violently and feeling fear grip her stomach. As soon as she had switched the light on, Nikki sunk down the wall until she was sat on the floor, he knees under her chin. Sobs wracked her body as she realised she was once again very alone.

* * *

**Well... It would appear that Nikki may be having some sort of breakdown. I didn't really see this coming, but it's an angle that I've never tried before and thought it might be quite interesting. Not too sure how well I've written this chapter though. Please review and let me know what you think! **


	9. Crying, Laughing, Loving, Lying

Chapter 9: Crying, Laughing, Loving, Lying

Ten minutes after she'd slammed the door on Harry, and Nikki was still sat on the floor in her hallway sobbing. The tears were falling down her cheeks thick and fast, and not only was she terrified of being in her house alone, but she was now equally scared that she'd just ruined things with Harry. She was so messed up, and she knew it. But just because Nikki knew that she had problems, it didn't mean that she was able to talk about them with anyone.

There was a knock at her door and Nikki climbed up off the floor, sniffing and wiping her eyes on her sleeve. She opened it to reveal Harry stood there, a sad look on his face. Nikki let out another sob and walked into Harry's arms.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I didn't mean to have a go at you."

Harry held her tightly, one hand on her back, the other gently stoking her hair. "I know," he said. "It's okay."

"I need to get out of my house," she told him after a minute. "Can we go to yours?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Thanks," Nikki smiled. "Let me just run upstairs and get some things."

When Nikki reached her bedroom she realised just how stupid she was being. Looking at her house now, she realised she was perfectly safe. But she knew that she was only feeling like that because Harry was stood at the bottom of the stairs. Nikki grabbed a large day bag and stuffed it with her pyjamas, her toothbrush, her make up bag, and a change of clothes. She then zipped it up and walked back down to an awaiting Harry. He took Nikki's hand and led the way out of her house.

*

When they arrived at Harry's, Nikki immediately went into his kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. Harry followed her somewhat slower.

"Should you be drinking with your tablets?" he asked her.

"I don't care," Nikki declared. She saw Harry look at her worriedly, so put the glass down and turned to him. "Stop looking at me like that, I'm fine."

"You were in a right state earlier."

"Because I thought I'd lost you," she muttered. Harry sighed and gathered her in his arms once again.

"You won't ever lose me," he told her. "You can't get rid of me that easily."

Nikki let out a watery chuckle. "I love you, Harry Cunningham."

"Blimey, twice in one day," Harry grinned. "Has the doctor changed your medication?"

Nikki slapped him playfully before looping her arms around his neck. Harry placed his hands on her hips.

"How are you feeling after being at work all day?" he asked her. Nikki rolled her eyes.

"I was sat at my desk all day, Harry. I don't think there's much chance of my stitches splitting. Besides, it feels fine, it really does. And when I changed the dressing this morning the swelling had gone right down. It's definitely beginning to heal."

"And your head?"

"My head twinges from time to time, but that's what the painkillers are for. What's all this about?" Nikki quizzed. Harry moved his face closer to hers.

"So I can do this-" he pressed his lips lightly against hers. "-without hurting you?" he asked suggestively. Nikki grinned.

"You can do that," she replied.

"How about this?" He trailed kisses across her jaw and down her neck, causing goosebumps to erupt on Nikki's arms.

"Definitely," she breathed. Harry brought his head back up and kissed Nikki full on the mouth. She responded eagerly, running her fingers through Harry's hair. He pushed them both against the kitchen counter causing Nikki to moan into his mouth. She started working furiously at the buttons on Harry's shirt, eventually managing to throw it to the floor. Harry wrapped his arms around Nikki's waist again and he pulled her from the kitchen and into the lounge, where he slammed them both against the wall.

"Harry..." Nikki groaned.

Harry didn't say anything, but continued to kiss his way down her neck. Nikki gripped his shoulders, digging her fingers in to suppress a moan.

"Bedroom," she hissed. Harry grinned at her before carrying her into the desired room.

*

"Are you okay?" Harry asked Nikki sometime later as they lay in each others arms. "You're very quiet."

"I wish people would stop asking me if I'm okay," Nikki said lightly.

"I know, I just worry about you," Harry admitted. Nikki lifted her head off his chest to look at him.

"Well you don't have to, I'm fine," she told him, pressing a light kiss to his cheek.

"Alright," Harry said, although he didn't sound entirely convinced. But Nikki wasn't going to press the subject. Especially when she didn't really know how she was feeling.

It wasn't long until Harry's deep breathing filled the room, and Nikki knew he was asleep. She quietly untangled herself from him and climbed out of the bed, pulling on her pyjamas that she'd bought with her. Then, as silently as possible, she crept from the room and back into the lounge.

Nikki padded into the dark hallway and picked up Harry's keys from the sideboard. She then proceeded to lock the front door. As if that wasn't enough, Nikki also clicked the latch down, so even if someone did have a key, they still wouldn't be able to get in. Then she spotted that Harry had a security chain on his door, so she slid that across as well. Once she was certain that it was as locked as it fully could be, Nikki turned to go back to bed, only to be startled by Harry stood there watching her with just his pyjama bottoms on.

"Harry!" she gasped. "Don't creep up on me like that!"

"What are you _doing_?" Harry asked sleepily.

"I just realised that we forgot to lock the door before we went to bed," she explained innocently, placing down his keys.

"But you've... _triple_ locked it!"

"Just to be on the safe side," Nikki replied.

"Who were you expecting, Jack the Ripper?" he asked sarcastically.

"That's not funny. I'm sorry if I'm being safety conscious," Nikki said, stung slightly.

Harry sighed. "When was the last time you actually slept?"

"Last night."

"Okay, let me rephrase that. When was the last time you slept for more than two or three hours?" he asked again, his eyebrows raised.

"Not since I was in hospital," she confessed. Thankfully, Harry didn't question why this was. Whether because he already knew or because he didn't want another row, Nikki didn't know, but she was extremely grateful. Instead Harry walked into the kitchen and started rifling around in one of the cupboards. He eventually found what he was looking for and threw a small box to Nikki. She caught it neatly but sighed when she saw what it was.

"Sleeping pills?" she asked him.

"Just for tonight. You need to sleep or else your body won't recover properly," he said gently.

"Why have you got sleeping pills?" Nikki quizzed.

"I bought them after the helicopter crash," Harry admitted quietly. "But don't worry, tablets don't really go off."

He walked over to the sink and poured Nikki a glass of water. She took it reluctantly and with a roll of her eyes she popped out two tablets and gulped them down.

"What time is it?" Nikki asked Harry as she put the glass by the sink.

"Just gone midnight."

"I don't think I'll come into work tomorrow. There's some stuff I have to sort out at home. Do you think you can drop me off in the morning?"

"That is the most sense I've ever heard you speak," Harry smiled.

Nikki tutted. "I was going to suggest that you came round to see me in your lunch break, but if you're going to mock me..."

"I wasn't mocking you," Harry said quickly. "I'll come round tomorrow."

Nikki grinned as she walked over to Harry and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "Good. Now go back to bed, I'll be in in a minute."

"Why, what are you going to do?" he asked her suspiciously.

"Nothing! I'm just going to get another drink."

"Okay," Harry smiled. He left the room.

Nikki walked back into the kitchen and did indeed pour herself a glass of water, however she also decided to take another two sleeping pills, just to get her to drop off. On her way back to the bedroom she checked the front door once again, just to make sure it was properly locked.

A minute later she joined Harry again. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into him, pressing a kiss to Nikki's shoulder. She laced her fingers through his and with her other arm reached out to switch off the lamp.

**I know this chapter's a bit short, but I really wanted to update. I don't go back to college until Friday, so I still have plenty of time on my hands! What happened on here? It wouldn't let me upload any documents! I've had this chapter written for a couple of days! Oh well, it seems to be fixed now, touch wood! :P Review! x**


	10. Safety In Numbers

Chapter 10: Safety In Numbers

"Harry, go to work or you'll be late," Nikki scolded. It was the next morning and Harry had just dropped Nikki off back at her house, and had insisted on walking her up the path. He was now stood with his arms around her waist, pulling a face at the idea of going to work.

"I don't want to," he moaned.

"If it's any consolation I don't want you to either. But you have to," Nikki grinned.

Harry sighed and after giving her another quick kiss he let Nikki go.

"I'll come round and see you during my lunch break," he told her.

"Good. Bring Leo," she replied.

"Leo? Why?"

"Because I want to see him," Nikki sighed, noticing the disappointment in Harry's eyes. "Go! I'll see you later."

Harry blew her a kiss and climbed into his car. Nikki waited until it disappeared around the corner before she went into her house, locking her front door behind her. This time she tried to ignore the frightened feeling she had, and instead marched straight through to her lounge. It helped that it was sunny out, and also that once she'd made the phonecall that she was about to make, she knew she wouldn't be alone.

Nikki found the Yellow Pages that was buried under numerous work papers on her desk and flicked through it until she found what she was after. She picked up her phone and dialled.

_"Jones' Security Systems; this is Gloria speaking, how may I help you?"_

"Hi. I'm enquiring about getting a burglar alarm fitted in my house," Nikki explained. She scribbled down some different alarms and prices on a pad of paper as Gloria reeled off a list. It was soon arranged that one of their workmen would arrive at Nikki's later that morning. Nikki then made her second phonecall.

_"Hello?"_

"Hi, is that _Abbott's Locksmiths_?" she asked into the phone.

_"Yes, how may I be of assistance Madam?" _a young-sounding man replied.

Nikki took a deep breath. "I'd like to get my locks changed."

Once she'd hung up the phone, Nikki didn't really know what to do. She'd thought that making those calls would have taken longer, and she still had an hour until the man who was fitting her alarm was due to arrive. Until then, Nikki was at a loss for ideas. There was always going out to get the food shop; she didn't really want to stay in her house alone. But the food shop was boring. What was there that she could do for an hour.

Eventually Nikki decided that nipping down to her local supermarket and getting a few things might be quite useful. She had just tried to get herself a cup of tea and had discovered that there were no biscuits.

With a weary sigh, she picked up her bag and keys and left her house.

Her car was sitting in her driveway. Whilst Nikki had been in hospital the mechanics had fixed her car and even driven it back to her house. It had come with a hefty bill – despite her insurance – but as Nikki's car was so essential to her work, she'd decided that it was worth it.

It looked as good as new. There wasn't a scratch on it. She didn't know what she'd been expecting, she hadn't seen the damage that had been done in the accident, but Nikki was almost surprised that there wasn't even a hint of a dent.

However, as soon as Nikki sat in her car, something happened. All she could see was the road where she'd had her accident, even with her eyes wide open. She gripped the keys in her hand so tightly that they dug in as Nikki looked out of the passenger window. The face of PC Andy Bowen seemed to jeer and loom in at her, so much so that Nikki's chest became tight. She felt tears leak from her eyes as she tried to focus on her driveway but couldn't. All she could picture was her being forced off the road, hurtling through the trees.

It was too much for Nikki. She tugged at her door handle, but it wouldn't open. A soft scream escaped her lips as she banged on the window, but then saw that the door was locked. She must have done it without realising when she squeezed the keys. As quickly as her violently shaking hands allowed, Nikki unlocked the door and flung herself from her car. Her breathing was shallow and painful as she leant against the closed car door, clutching her chest. She swallowed hard, trying to regain control of her lungs and stop the tears that were pouring down her cheeks.

Having her medical degree, Nikki knew exactly what had just happened. She'd experienced a panic attack. Sitting in her car had triggered all those memories that she had tried to bury, and forced them to surface until they were screamingly clear in Nikki's brain. But this was ridiculous, she thought. Not only was she terrified of being in her house alone, but she was now unable to use her car!

After taking a deep, shuddering breath, Nikki slowly walked over to her front doorstep and sat down, enjoying the cool winter breeze on her hot face. She had to get past this. Driving was a crucial part of her job. But surely it was normal to be experiencing what Nikki was going through after what had happened to her. After all, it was only just over a week ago.

Nikki remained sat on that step until the security man arrived, but she convinced herself that she was enjoying the fresh air and that it had nothing to do with her not wanting to be in her house alone. The man in question parked his van at the end of her drive and walked up it with a large toolbox. He flashed her a puzzled smile.

"Are you okay love?"

Nikki took a deep breath and stood up. "I'm fine thank you. Just getting some air. Are you from _Jones' Security Systems_?"

"Yep. Name's Dave. Now, what d'you want doing?" he asked her. He was a middle-aged, balding man, who was rather large around the middle. But he seemed friendly enough. Nikki opened her front door and let him in.

"I want the best burglar alarm that you've got. The most reliable and the safest. I don't care how much it costs," she explained. Dave looked a bit startled, but he quickly recovered.

"Well, we 'ave two five-star alarms, both do slightly different things, but-"

"Install both of them," Nikki interrupted.

"Both of 'em, Madam? Y'know, one is really enough-"

"Look, I am the one paying you here," she said roughly. "It is my house, and I will decide."

"Okay Madam, right you are. I'll install both. It could take a while though," Dave told Nikki.

"That's fine. I'll be here all afternoon," she said, glad to have the company. "But I've got a locksmith coming at about one, I hope that won't be a problem?"

"No, that shouldn't be any hassle. They don't take long, do locksmiths."

"Good. Well, call me if you would like a cup of tea or if you have any questions," Nikki said.

"Actually Ma'am... Do you mind me asking why you want all this done? You been burgled recently?" Dave asked tentatively.

"No. I'm just being cautious," Nikki smiled. "You can never be too careful these days."

Dave clearly thought Nikki had gone mad, but he didn't say anything else. A satisfied smile spread across Nikki's lips and she went into the lounge, flopping on the sofa with a magazine.

*

It was half-one by the time Harry and Leo finally arrived. Nikki could see them getting out of Harry's car from her lounge window. She bit her lip nervously when she saw their puzzled expressions at the work she was having done. Both the locksmith and Dave were still here. Not only was she having her locks changed, but she was having a manner of other security measures attached to her door, and Dave hadn't even finished the first alarm.

"Nikki?"

Nikki heard Harry and Leo fighting their way through the mess of toolboxes in her hallway, and they finally stepped into the lounge.

"What's going on?" Leo asked her.

"It's just a few additional safety measures," she said innocently.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want someone to creep into my house and murder me in the middle of the night," Nikki replied, tutting at Leo's display of stupidity.

"But Nikki," Harry said. "You don't need all this stuff. I mean, what is that? A burglar alarm?"

"Two burglar alarms," Dave put in, sticking his head into the room. Harry turned to him.

"Two?"

"Yes mate. I did tell Madam that one would do the job, but she insisted on both of 'em."

Harry looked at her exasperatedly. "What?" Nikki cried. He just sighed and shook his head before turning back to Dave.

"Have you put the second one in yet?" he asked.

"Not yet. I've only just finished the first," Dave replied, seemingly glad to speak to someone more sane.

"Well forget about the second," Harry told him. "You can leave now. Thank you."

"_What?_" Nikki cried. "No he can't! Harry, this is-"

"This is ridiculous is what it is!" Harry exclaimed. Dave was loitering in the doorway looking a bit awkward.

"What d'you want doing Sir?" he asked Harry. Harry looked imploringly at Leo, who nodded and left the room, putting his hand on Dave's shoulder and steering him away before snapping the door shut behind him.

"Who the hell do you think you are telling me what I can and can't have in my house?" Nikki shouted at her boyfriend.

"You do not need two burglar alarms," Harry said calmly.

"Yes I do! I don't want someone breaking in!"

"Yes, because they'll be able to do that with the hundreds of locks on the door," he said sarcastically. This just fuelled Nikki's anger.

"Harry, someone has tried to kill me _three times_ now! I'm sorry if I'm maybe being a bit paranoid."

"I want to help you, Nikki. But you have to let me in, not shut me out like you are at the moment!" Harry exclaimed.

"I'm not shutting you out!"

"You didn't tell me that the reason you wanted to come back to work so early was because you're petrified of being in your house alone, did you?"

Nikki momentarily faltered. "I- It's not... I'm-"

"Over and over again you tell me that you're fine, when clearly you're not!" he cried.

"You don't know how I'm feeling," she said in a dangerous tone. "No one's ever tried to kill you."

"I do know that you need to speak to a counsellor," Harry persisted. This was the final straw for Nikki.

"Oh here we go," she shouted. "This argument again!"

"Yes, this argument again. How long are you going to deny that there's something wrong?"

"I. Am. Fine. The reason I don't want to be in my house alone? I'd rather be wherever you are," Nikki lied. "Because I've finally found something so fantastic, that I don't want it to stop for even a moment."

Harry was looking a bit sheepish, so Nikki continued.

"Maybe I was being a bit melodramatic, asking for two alarms. But I know there are plenty of people out there that wouldn't exactly mind if I died; it comes with the job. And my house is the first place they'd come looking! I just wanted to feel a bit safer, that's all."

It wasn't really lying. Well, the first part wasn't. But it seemed to do the trick, because Harry walked over to her and laced his fingers through hers.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you," he smiled. Nikki hooped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug.

"I know," she whispered. "Stay here tonight."

It was clear that Harry was trying his hardest not to frown or say something at his, but he obviously wanted to avoid another argument.

"Okay," he smiled, pressing his lips to hers.

* * *

**Right. The next chapter is going to be the peak of Nikki's breakdown, I think. It might be rather angsty and depressing, just to warn you! I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to write it yet though, so bare with me! Review please!**


	11. Drowning On Dry Land

Chapter 11: Drowning On Dry Land

It was two weeks before Nikki finally managed to persuade Leo that she was ready to return to work properly. She was absolutely sick of being stuck at her desk with nothing but paperwork. However, she did have a slight niggling feeling in the pit of her stomach about having to drive herself there everyday. Since the panic attack that Nikki had had last time, she hadn't been in her car again. Instead she took advantage of her relationship with Harry and had spent every single night with him for a fortnight, meaning that he would give her a lift to and from work the next day. It was wrong and she felt ashamed of herself, but she didn't know what else to do.

Harry was being brilliant, he really was. He never questioned Nikki, nor did he suggest the counselling again. But she knew that he suspected something was wrong with her. Only the previous day Nikki had caught him frowning at her as she locked and bolted all the windows in her house before they left for the lab.

Just then Harry came in to where Nikki was sat in her kitchen eating breakfast. He smiled at her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he walked over to the fridge.

"Good morning," she grinned.

"It is a good morning," Harry said. "The winter sun is shining, the coffee machine is whirring, and _you_ are coming back to work properly." He smiled again and turned his back to her as he poured milk on his cereal. Nikki's grin vanished. All of sudden it didn't seem like such a good idea to go back to work. However, she didn't tell Harry that when he sat down opposite.

"Yeah," she agreed, forcing a smile. A crease appeared on Harry's forehead.

"Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You were up very early," Harry commented. "Which isn't like you."

"I'm just a bit apprehensive about returning to work," she told him, not entirely untruthfully.

"Is it the crime scenes?" he asked her.

Nikki frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Are you nervous about going out to crime scenes again after what happened to you? I mean, I would be. But I don't think you have to worry. No other killers would be stupid enough to try and kill you again."

Harry's reassurance, far from making Nikki feel better, made her feel worse. Thoughts about the dangers of the actual crime scene hadn't even crossed her mind. She'd been more worried about the fact that she couldn't face being in her house alone, and that she had a panic attack every time she got in her car, and that the most sleep she was getting every night was three or four hours. Plus the whole issue of her using Harry was constantly on Nikki's mind. But what if she was attacked coming home from another crime scene? It's happened once, what's to stop it happening again?

"Nikki?"

Harry was watching her concernedly; she'd obviously spaced out for a minute.

"Sorry, what did you say?" she asked apologetically.

"I was just saying that we're going to have to make our own way to work this morning. Now you're back at work properly we're both going to need our cars."

Nikki gulped. There was no way she would be able to drive her car all the way to work. She couldn't even start the engine the last time she was in it.

"I can't take my car," she said to Harry quietly. A knowing expression spread across his face, almost as if he expected that to be her answer. Nikki knew she couldn't tell him the truth, because he'd become all patronising and 'I-told-you-so' with her at first, and then he'd push the card for the stupid therapist into her hand again. For the millionth time since her accident, Nikki was going to have to lie.

"Why?" he asked slowly.

"Well... It's just... It's still not going properly since the accident," she said.

"I thought the mechanic had fixed it all up as good as new?" Harry replied suspiciously.

"Externally, yes. But there's something wrong with the engine. It kept stalling the other day," she fibbed.

"When did you go out?" he quizzed.

"A couple of weeks ago. The day I had my alarm fitted."

"Where did you go?"

"What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?" Nikki joked feebly, but Harry fixed her with his piercing gaze. "I just went to get a few food bits."

"Do you want me to take a look at it for you?" he asked her, and narrowed his eyes as he waited for her answer.

"No, it's fine. I'll take it to the garage this weekend," she told him.

"Today's only Wednesday. Leo's not going to be happy if you don't have a car."

"Well then you can go out to the crime scenes and I'll just do the PMs," Nikki suggested. Harry, however, was definitely doubtful. Nikki couldn't hold his gaze in the end and looked down into the bottom of her mug.

"Or you can just borrow my car," he said. Nikki swallowed hard.

"Okay, fine," she smiled, knowing that she couldn't give another excuse for why she wouldn't drive.

*

Harry remained suspicious all the way to work, and Nikki had the impression that he was closely observing her. This did nothing to improve her mood. But it wasn't until they were sat at their desks and she looked up from her work to see Harry frowning at her that she finally snapped.

"Will you stop watching me!" she exclaimed. Harry didn't flinch at Nikki's outburst. Instead he just nodded calmly.

"Of course," he said.

"Good."

"When you admit that you're struggling to cope."

Nikki glared at him. This was an argument that she just wasn't prepared to have. Especially as she knew that Harry may be on to something. She blew out a deep, calming breath and turned back to her computer.

"Go on then, give me the silent treatment," Harry said. "You're only doing it because you know I'm right. And you wouldn't dare argue with me because then there's the chance that you might have to spend the night alone for the first time since your accident."

Nikki's eyes began to prickle as she looked up at Harry. "I don't know what you're talking about," she lied coolly. Harry shook his head.

"Fine, have it your way. But there is no shame in asking for help," he told her, before getting up and walking into Leo's office. Nikki ran a hand through her hair. Harry wasn't stupid, and he obviously thought that Nikki wasn't managing very well. But she was fine! There was nothing seriously wrong with her, she was just finding things a bit difficult, that's all. She definitely didn't need 'help'.

A few minutes later Harry returned to his desk, closely followed by Leo.

"Nikki, there's a stabbing on Church Street, if you want to take it. It is your first day back, after all," their boss grinned, holding out a slip of paper. Nikki smiled reluctantly.

"You know, let Harry have it," she said. Leo looked puzzled.

"But I thought you'd be dying to get out of here?"

"Well I am. But my car still isn't fixed properly, so I haven't got it with me," she lied.

"You can take my car, Nikki. Like we discussed this morning," Harry cut in. Nikki felt her stomach clench.

"No, thanks for the offer, but it's probably just best all round if you take the case," she said to him. Harry and Leo exchanged a glance that clearly said she was reacting exactly as they feared she would.

"Nikki, can I have a word in my office?" Leo asked. Nikki sighed and followed the older man. When they were sat down at his desk, Leo looked at her anxiously.

"Harry and myself are worried about you," he said cautiously.

"Well there's no need, I'm fine," Nikki snapped.

"I don't think you are," Leo said.

"And how would you know, Leo?" she half-shouted. "How on earth would you know how I am feeling?"

Leo sighed and placed his hand over Nikki's on the desk. "Harry says you haven't been sleeping."

This piece of information momentarily threw Nikki. She had no idea that Harry was aware of her sleeping issues. She would always pretend to be asleep if he was awake.

"Perhaps you should speak to your doctor, get him to prescribe some sleeping pills," Leo continued. Nikki snatched her hand off of his desk.

"I am fine," she said harshly. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with me. Now are we done here?"

She stormed from Leo's office and back to her desk. However, her boss followed her, and after sharing another glass with Harry, said, "If there's nothing wrong then you'll take that stabbing."

"All right, I'll take the bloody stabbing! If it will get you two off my back!" Nikki yelled. She flung her coat on and picked up her field kit. Harry was holding out his car keys, ignoring the glare she was giving him. Nikki snatched them up and marched from the lab.

Once outside Nikki leant against the wall and released a long breath. How was she going to do this? How was she going to get in a car and drive to a crime scene? She should of just told Harry and Leo the truth from the start. But the tangled web of lies that she'd built up over the past three weeks since her accident was stopping her. How could she hurt them like that? How could she hurt Harry? Nikki had used him from the start. She loved him, she really did, but he was going to be crushed when he found out that all this time she had been feeding him a reel of lies.

Nikki wiped away the tears that were rolling down her cheeks and slowly walked over to Harry's car. With shaking hands she unlocked it and opened the door. She could do this. It was a stupid, irrational fear not to want to get back in a car. It wasn't like it was her fault that she crashed.

Nikki sat down in the drivers seat, releasing a deep breath as she did so. With fumbling fingers, Nikki eventually managed to get the keys in the ignition. She felt sick. Every particle in her body was willing her to get out of the car, yet she forced herself to stick it out.

However, when it came to actually switching the engine on, Nikki just couldn't seem to muster the energy to twist the keys. It was like her hands were physically not letting her. Several times Nikki tried and failed to start the car. The engine would fire up only to die again a second later when she gave up. A frustrated sob escaped Nikki's lips, and she hit the steering wheel in frustration, accidentally sounding the horn.

Suddenly there was a _tap tap tap_ on the passenger window. Nikki looked to her left and saw a man's face looming in. That was it. She was back there, back to when it had happened and she'd seen PC Bowen smirking at her as he lifted his visor... Nikki could fear the same fear now as she did then, the same fear that she felt all the time; all day, every day. The stranger was signalling for Nikki to wind down the passenger window, but Nikki had frozen. She burst into noisy, frightened tears and flung herself from the car, slamming the door behind her before she was violently sick on the tarmac. Crying hysterically, Nikki tugged a tissue from her pocket and wiped her mouth with it.

"Are you alright love?" the man asked, evidently startled and concerned.

"Get away from me!" Nikki screamed. "Leave me alone!" She began to run back into the lab. The lab techs in the corridors gave her a wide berth as she hurtled past them. What they must have thought, seeing their boss in such a state, but Nikki didn't care. Nothing mattered any more. Her chest felt tight and painful. The urge to throw up again was almost overwhelming.

Nikki skidded to a halt outside the frosted glass doors and fumbled in her pocket for her security pass. Her hands were trembling so much that she could barely swipe it through the system on the wall. Eventually she managed it – after a lot of cursing and swearing – and hurled herself through the doors and straight into Harry's arms. He held her close.

"I ... too scared ... I couldn't ... and then ... man ... I panicked ... sick," she sobbed incoherently.

"I know," Harry said quietly. "Leo and I saw everything from the window."

The flow of Nikki's tears increased and she clung to Harry's jumper as if her life depended on it. He gently stroked her hair and rubbed her back soothingly.

"You know you told me to sink or swim?" she mumbled shakily a minute later. Harry nodded. "Well I think I'm beginning to sink, and I can't push myself to the surface anymore."

Harry grip on her tightened and he pressed a kiss into her hair. "It's okay," he said thickly. "Everything's going to be alright."

* * *

**Phew. This chapter's a bit sad and depressing. I did say it would be! I hope I wrote it okay, I've never done this sort of thing before. Normally all I write is fluff! :)  
****Please review and make me happy! **


	12. Love, Truth & Honesty

Chapter 12: Love, Truth & Honesty

Harry had taken Nikki home early that afternoon, and she was now sat on the sofa as Harry bustled about in her kitchen putting the kettle on. That seemed to be his answer to everything; a good cup of tea. But Nikki wasn't really aware of what was going on. She was in shock. Either that or her entire brain and limbs had just stopped functioning properly. This time, Nikki wasn't afraid to admit that she needed help.

Harry came back in and, sure enough, he placed a mug down in front of her. Nikki just stared at the wall and didn't say anything. She wasn't really in the mood for speaking.

"Do you want something to eat?" he asked her. Nikki replied with a slight shake of her head. Harry sighed and sat right next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"We're going to be okay. We can get through this," he told her. Something inside of Nikki snapped.

"It's not 'we', Harry! There is no _'we'_ in this, just me! _I_'m the one who's completely messed up! I am the one who is going completely crazy! There is definitely no we!" she shouted. Poor Harry was stunned by her outburst, but as he was about to reply his mobile rang. Nikki tutted as he pulled it out and walked into the kitchen with it.

Maybe Nikki was a bit harsh on him. It wasn't really his fault, after all, and he was still here with her instead of at work like he supposed to be. She pushed herself up from the sofa and slowly made her way to the kitchen, but paused just outside the door when she heard Harry's conversation.

"She's not _that_ important, Leo!" he was saying into the phone. Nikki's stomach plummeted. There was a pause as Harry listened to Leo's reply, then he said, "Well that's not my fault, is it?"

Hot, salty tears slowly dripped down Nikki's cold cheeks. Even Harry didn't want to bother with her any more. He obviously hadn't realised that getting himself into a relationship with her was going to cause him this much trouble. As quietly as she could, Nikki walked over to the sofa and sat down on it, making sure that she was far enough from the kitchen that she couldn't hear Harry's conversation. What had he just promised her? That everything was going to be okay. But at the moment, Nikki couldn't see how this could be.

Her handbag was lying against the sofa and Nikki fished in it for the counsellor's card that Harry had given her. However, her fingers found something unfamiliar first, and she pulled out the box of sleeping pills.

Turning them over in her fingers, Nikki thought how much easier it would be for everyone if she just wasn't here. Harry wouldn't have to worry about her, Leo could find a proper replacement in the lab, not just a temp, and – best of all – Nikki wouldn't have to fight what she was sure was going to be a long battle to get better.

Making sure that she could still hear Harry on the phone, Nikki got up and grabbed a bottle of wine from the shelf behind her. When she returned to her original position, she popped out each pill into the palm of her hand, until there was a small mound of them. The bottle was already uncorked, her and Harry having opened it the previous evening, so all Nikki had to do was tug out the loosely-replaced cork.

Just then she heard a noise to the left of her and Harry was stood there, watching with a look of horror on his face.

"Nikki? What are you doing? Don't be stupid," he muttered shakily.

Nikki remained eerily calm. "No one wants me around. It'll be so much more convenient if I wasn't here."

"No it wouldn't! Who said that they didn't want you around?" Harry asked roughly, moving a bit nearer to her.

"You did. I just heard you on the phone to Leo." Harry looked completely baffled, so Nikki sighed. "_'She's not that important'_," she mimicked. "_It's not my fault'_."

"I wasn't talking about you!" Harry exclaimed. "I was talking about Linda Harris, one of the bodies in the morgue! Leo wanted me to complete her PM this afternoon, but I told him no and that she wasn't that important. Leo retorted with 'that woman is dead, Harry' and I said that it wasn't my fault!"

This made Nikki feel marginally better. She glanced down at the tablets in her hand, and Harry knelt down in front of her.

"Give me the tablets, Nikki," he said softly, but Nikki closed her fist around them. Harry continued in a sad voice. "You can't do this. I need you to stay with me, I need you to keep breathing. I am completely here for you, and _together _we can fight this. Because I can't lose you, it would kill me. I love you. So much. Which is why I am not going to leave your side, whether you want me to or not. You're stuck with me."

Shaking with emotion, Nikki slowly reached her hand out and dropped the pills into Harry's outstretched one. He gently took the bottle of wine from her as well, before standing up with them both and walking from the room. She heard him putting them in the bin. When Harry entered the room again, Nikki burst into noisy tears. Harry wrapped his arms around her and Nikki rested her chin on his shoulder, breathing in the smell that was so distinctly him.

"You're so amazing," she mumbled. "Always there, always keeping my feet firmly on the ground."

Harry chuckled. "What sort of best friend would I be otherwise?"

"I really love you," she whispered.

"Understandably so," he replied seriously, causing a grin to flutter on Nikki's lips. She pulled her head back to look at Harry and placed her hands either side of his face before pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

"Thank you."

Harry smiled at her. "Just promise me something?"

Nikki nodded. "Of course."

"Don't keep shutting me out. No more lies, no more secrets. I want to help you, but I can't if you don't tell me what's going on," he said. Nikki took a deep breath.

"I think it's time I told you everything then," she said quietly. A crease appeared on Harry's forehead. Nikki took his hand in hers. "The day you bought me home from hospital, you came to see me after work and I was in a state because I'd been scared of coming downstairs..."

"Yeah..." Harry frowned.

"You were really lovely, and you said all this stuff about how it was to be expected, and then you kissed me." Harry nodded and Nikki broke off for a second. "And I kissed you back, and one thing led to another and we had sex," she finished bluntly.

"Where is this going?" Harry asked, seemingly amused.

"I used you," Nikki confessed, and Harry's grin vanished. "In hospital I had planned this amazing first night together, with candles and wine etc., but I was so scared of being in my house alone that when you were kissing me, I just realised that you were the perfect way of quelling those fears. So I didn't stop the kiss from going further, like I normally would have done."

Nikki saw Harry swallow hard, so she hastily added, "But I don't regret it! Because not only was it the best sex I've ever had, it was with the man I love."

Harry gave her a small smile at this, but he still didn't say anything. Nikki pressed on, deciding it was best to get it all out in the open. "That's not all," she said apprehensively. "You were right, the reason I kept coming into work was just because I couldn't bear to be alone in my house. And I wasn't sleeping all night, but Leo said you already knew that. When we had that argument in your car the day after I came home, and you found me in tears, that wasn't because I thought I was going to lose you like I told you. It was because when I stormed into my house, it was pitch black and I was terrified that there was someone waiting to kill me somewhere, and this time I didn't have you to protect me. I could barely even switch the light on. But then you came after me, and the relief that I wouldn't have to spend the night alone was greater than my pride and I apologised to you-"

"And we went to mine," Harry interrupted flatly.

"Yes. That was when you offered me the sleeping tablets..." she said slowly, and Harry's face became worried. "You told me to take two, and I took four sleeping tablets that night. And I have done every night since."

"Four?" Harry exclaimed.

Nikki was on the verge of tears again. "Four," she confirmed weakly. "It's the only way that I can sleep, and then I only do for a couple of hours. Whenever I shut my eyes all I can see is me in my car, hurtling through the trees, and when I do drop off I have all these nightmares about people killing me. Which is why I haven't been in my car since the accident. I lied to you about that as well."

Harry ran a hand over his face. "I had no idea what you were going through," he breathed. "Well, I knew something was wrong, but I wasn't aware it was this bad."

"You weren't to know," Nikki sighed. "I lied to you. I lied to you over and over again, when I knew that it was stupid and that I should just talk to you."

"So why did you?" Harry asked her.

"I was scared that if I told you how messed up I was feeling, you wouldn't want to go out with me any more. I thought you'd leave me," she confessed.

"And of course, you needed me here so that you wouldn't have to spend the night alone," he replied coolly. Nikki blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"No, that never even crossed my mind. I really was just scared to lose you. You have to understand, Harry, I only lied to you to protect you."

"To _protect _me?" he exclaimed. "How on earth were you protecting me?"

Nikki did her utmost to remain calm, although it was proving difficult. "It wasn't your burden to bear. I knew you'd just worry about me, and then you wouldn't get any work done-"

"Nikki," he interrupted. "I don't care about work! Making sure that you're okay is the most important thing, not how many PMs I get done in a day. You should have told me."

"I know," she said sadly, looking down at her lap. "And I will in the future. Because it's been tearing me apart, lying to you."

Harry took her chin in his hand and turned her head to look at him. He sighed and shook his own head slightly.

"You're angry with me," Nikki mumbled.

"No, I'm not. I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed that you didn't think you could trust me," he said.

"I do trust you. I was just ashamed of myself. I thought I was weak, feeling so scared all the time."

Harry sighed again. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're just not coping with things very well. But tomorrow we are going to go and see this counsellor, and she's going to help you, okay?"

Nikki nodded and Harry pulled her into him, gently running his fingers along the top of her arm.

"And you're not going to leave me?" Nikki asked timidly.

"No! Of course not," Harry replied. "I love you."

"I love you too," Nikki smiled, looking up at him to press her lips to his.

* * *

**Hmm... not too sure about this chapter. Sorry it's been so long since I last updated, but I have just started college and have been so busy with essays! It's only our first week and I already have two! So sorry about that, I'll try and be a bit more efficient in the future!  
****Review for me please!**


	13. Coming Up For Air

**Chapter 13:** Coming Up For Air

Nikki released a huge yawn as she stirred the next morning. Her insides filled with dread at what she knew was to come later that day. Her stupid meeting with her stupid counsellor. Harry's arm was draped across Nikki's stomach and she rolled over to face him.

"I'm not going," she said loudly. Harry took a deep breath in but didn't open his eyes.

"Yes you are," he croaked.

"I am not," she argued.

"You are going, Nikki," Harry mumbled, his voice muffled further by the pillow which he had buried his face in. Nikki sighed fiercely before pulling a pillow out from underneath her and throwing it at his head.

"I hate you," she told him.

"I know," he replied sleepily, reaching up blindly to grab the pillow and chuck it back at her. Nikki couldn't help but grin as the pillow landed by her knees.

"Are you staying like that all day?" she asked him after a minute.

"Yes."

"You're not even going to roll over and face me?"

"No. Then you'll think I'm encouraging you to talk to me, which I am most definitely not."

"If you roll over I'll give you a good morning kiss," she said temptingly. Harry moved so quickly that Nikki barely saw it happen. She giggled and kept her promise. When they broke apart, Harry smiled at her, still a little sleepy.

"Good, now I've got your attention, I just want you to know that I'm not going to see the shrink," she told him.

Harry released a huge groan and turned away from her again, picking up the abandoned pillow and holding over the exposed side of his head so that both his ears were covered.

*

Nikki was sulking. Harry had forced her into his car and they were now on their way to the counsellor's office.

"I hate you," Nikki told her boyfriend again.

"So you've said," Harry smiled, not taking his eyes off the road.

"This isn't going to help."

"Yes it will," he insisted. "But you know that. Your pride is stopping you from accepting help, that's all."

"It's got nothing to do with my pride," Nikki said hotly. Harry just shook his head and didn't say anything for a while. When he did, it was not what Nikki was expecting.

"I saw a shrink."

"You did?" Nikki asked, startled by this revelation.

"Yes. After my father died. How do you think I had Grace King's card?" Harry admitted.

"Do you still see her now?"

"Occasionally. Not as often as I used to. Sometimes it helps to have someone to talk things through with."

"I didn't know that," Nikki said.

Harry snorted. "You don't know everything about me, Nikki."

"Obviously not," she replied. "What other secrets are you hiding?"

"Well..." Harry said slowly. "There's my wife and kids that I've got hidden away."

Nikki slapped him playfully, a rueful grin on her lips.

*

It seemed all too soon for Nikki that they arrived in the quiet waiting area of Grace King's office. They were the only people there except for the receptionist. Harry was holding Nikki's hand, and he gave it a reassuring squeeze when the door to Dr King's office opened and she and a young man came out.

"I'll see you next Wednesday, Jeremy," the woman said. Then she turned and spotted Harry and Nikki.

"Ah, Harry," she smiled. "How are you doing?"

Harry stood up, dragging Nikki with him. Grace King was reasonably old, Nikki would guess mid-fifties. Her hair was greying and her face lined, but she had startling green eyes which spoke of kindness and generosity.

"I'm good thank you, Grace," Harry replied.

"I didn't see you down in the books today," Grace frowned.

"Well, no. See, it's actually Nikki here who has the appointment," he said. Grace looked between Harry and Nikki, her gaze wondering to their joined hands.

"Nikki?" she questioned. Nikki nodded. Grace then looked at Harry. "_The _Nikki?" she asked him. Nikki too looked at her boyfriend, whose cheeks had turned a furious shade of red.

"Yes, _the_ Nikki," he said through gritted teeth.

A smile spread across Grace's face. "And I'm taking it from the joining of hands and loving expressions that the pair of you are-"

"Yes, yes we are," Harry cut across, but he was smiling. "Now can we stop analysing me?"

"Sorry," Grace laughed. "Force of habit. Come on through to my room, Nikki."

Nikki looked up pleadingly at Harry, but he just pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Go on. I'll wait out here for you," he smiled.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Nikki reluctantly disentangled her fingers from his and followed Grace through to her office. Funnily enough, it wasn't anything like Nikki was expecting. There was a large, comfortable-looking sofa with an opposing armchair, a desk in the far corner, and a fish tank full of tropically-coloured fish. The whole room just looked like a well lived in lounge.

"Please take a seat, Nikki," Grace smiled. Nikki nervously perched herself on the edge of the sofa as Grace picked up a large notebook and settled in the armchair.

"So, let's start with something basic," she said. "You're a forensic pathologist, yes?"

Nikki was startled. Grace seemed to know a lot about her. She was going to have to have a word with Harry and find out what he'd said.

"Yes," she replied quietly.

"Do you like your job?"

"Yes, most of the time," Nikki said. Dr King scribbled something down in her book.

"So you've got a good job, that you enjoy. That's pretty rare," she said.

"I suppose it is," Nikki agreed.

"What about out of work?" Grace asked. "How's your love life?"

Nikki found herself thinking that the questions were very forward. Grace certainly didn't hold back. However, Nikki was determined to do this. For Harry's sake.

"I'm with Harry," she said simply.

"Are you happy with Harry?"

"Yes, very. He's – I don't how to describe it. Harry makes me feel wanted. He makes me feel beautiful first thing in the morning. It's like we were made for each other. I know that sounds really corny, but we just seem to... fit. He loves me, so much," Nikki gushed.

"Do you love him?" Grace asked, without looking up from her notes.

"Yes, of course!" Nikki exclaimed.

"Because sometimes one can misread what they think is love, for the simple longing to _be _loved."

"No," Nikki protested, not at all sure if she liked this woman. "I love Harry with every particle of my body. I wouldn't know how to exist in a world where he doesn't."

Grace smiled at her. "Okay then. So, you have a fabulous boyfriend and a wonderful job. What brings you here?"

Nikki swallowed hard. Now she knew how suspects felt under police interrogation.

"Three weeks ago I was in an accident," she confessed.

"What happened?" Dr King frowned. Nikki stopped for a moment. She gazed at the fish, admiring the extraordinary ability they had to breathe under the water. The whole 'sink or swim' analogy that Harry had come up with wouldn't be any trouble for them. After taking a huge breath in, Nikki turned to Grace.

"Dr King, I was run off the road on my way back from a crime scene by a murdering policeman," she told her calmly.

* * *

**I know this chapter's short and boring, but I wanted to end it there so that I could update today, as I might not be able to for the next few days. Oh, by the way... there is an AMAZING programme on tomorrow! It's on BBC4 at 9:00pm, and it's called 'Watching the Dead'. It's all about forensic crime dramas such as Waking the Dead and Silent Witness, and includes and interview with Tom Ward!!! As well as others (like William Gaminara), but he's the best :D **


	14. Fight Or Flight

**Chapter 14:** Fight Or Flight

Nikki sat, shaking slightly, as Dr King absorbed what Nikki had just told her.

"How bad was this accident? Physically?" she asked. Nikki swallowed hard. Her gaze never strayed from the fish as she replied.

"I had to have pretty extensive surgery on my intestine and diaphragm, and was on a ventilator for the first 24 hours. Apparently is was touch and go. I don't know, I was unconscious for the whole thing," Nikki informed her.

"How did you feel when you woke up and realised what had happened?" Dr King asked.

"Well, I couldn't remember at first, it wasn't for a few hours until I could remember what happened," Nikki said, putting off the question.

"So how did you feel when you _could_ remember?" Grace persisted.

"Scared. Terrified," Nikki admitted. The doctor scribbled something down in her book.

"Scared of what?"

"Of the killer coming back to get me while I slept. Because I knew who he was. Well, at first I couldn't see his face, but was certain that it was someone I knew."

Dr King frowned. "Did you find out who it was?"

"Yes, eventually. I kept having this same dream, of the events of that day, but the bit when I saw his face was all blurry. However, about three or four days after my accident I remembered. Then when I woke up he was there in my room," Nikki said shakily, trying to ignore the pain of reliving everything.

"He was there? In the hospital?"

"Yes, he was one of the policemen, don't forget. No one had any reason to suspect him of anything. But my fears had come true; he was back to finish the job," she told the doctor.

"There was a second attempt to end your life?" Dr King asked.

"I was almost smothered with a pillow," Nikki said calmly.

"Almost?" The doctor questioned.

"Harry and Leo came in and saw what was happening," she said. There was a minute's silence as Dr King wrote furiously in her notebook. Then she looked up at Nikki and said, "It must have been hard. Afterwards, I mean. It must have shaken you up a bit."

"Yes," Nikki said shortly.

"How have you been coping since?"

"I haven't. That's why I'm here," Nikki replied.

"In what way haven't you been coping?" Grace asked. This was it. This was when Nikki was going to have to tell her what was wrong. Part of her just wanted to flee from the room and never return, but she wouldn't be able to bear the look of disappointment on Harry's face if she did that.

"I'm permanently scared," she confessed quietly. "All the time. I can't be in my house alone, I can't sleep at night, I can't even get in my car."

"It's normal to suffer from a certain degree of anxiety after going through a traumatic experience," Grace said softly.

"It's more than anxiety though," Nikki said. "I had a panic attack when I tried to use Harry's car yesterday. The sheer terror of getting into a car made me vomit."

"You said it was Harry's car?"

"Yes."

"So how did you get here today?"

"We drove, but it's different when I'm in the passenger seat. When I'm in the driver's seat, all I can see is what happened on that day, but in the other seat I'm not the driver and I'm in the car with someone I know," Nikki explained.

"Okay," Dr King smiled. "What about sleep then? You haven't been getting much of it?"

"No. Every time I close my eyes all I can see is the murderer's face. It's like it's burnt into my skull. But I'm scared to go to sleep as well, because then I have nightmares."

"What sort of nightmares?"

"Nightmares of people trying to kill me," Nikki said quickly. Another note was scribbled down. "I've been taking sleeping pills, but they don't really make much difference."

Dr King stopped writing and looked up sharply. "How often have you been taking these pills?"

"Every night," Nikki admitted.

"And how many?"

"Four."

"Nikki, you know that's not good for you, you'll become addicted," Grace frowned.

"I know," Nikki said. "I'm not addicted, but they're the only thing that helps me fall asleep."

"Does Harry know that you take these pills?"

"He does now, but he didn't at the time," Nikki told her.

"Right. Let's move on," the doctor said. "Tell me about being in your house alone."

Nikki sighed. She felt so tired; it was exhausting going through all this again. "It's not just in my car when I have panic attacks. It's in my house as well. But only when I'm alone. If Harry or Leo's with me then it's okay."

"What scares you about being alone?"

"I'm always frightened that there's someone there hidden out of sight who's just waiting to kill me," Nikki muttered.

"Why would someone want to kill you?" Grace asked.

"Dr King, I help put people in prison with my forensic evidence. That's why I was run off the road in the first place. There are plenty of people out there who wouldn't particularly mind if I was dead. It's not like this was the first attempt at my life either."

There was another pause and Dr King just looked at Nikki. Nikki fidgeted uncomfortably, and eventually Grace spoke.

"You still haven't answered my question, Nikki," she said quietly. "What brings you here? What do you hope to achieve my coming to see me."

"I want you to fix me," Nikki said. "I want you to make me better. I want to be able to drive my car, and sleep alone."

"What if that can't be done?" Grace asked, her eyes narrowed.

"It has to be," Nikki replied defiantly. "I have to get better for Harry. I'm doing this for him."

Dr King nodded, then started writing again. Nikki sat back a bit on the sofa, gazing once more at the brightly coloured fish. It must have been nearly five minutes until the peaceful silence was broken by Grace.

"Right," she said, closing her notepad and leaning forwards. "Do you want to know what I think?"

Nikki nodded, her eyes sparkling.

"You've been through so much for someone of your age, more than most. This last attack has suddenly bought the reality of what has happened to you over the years crashing down, and it's terrifying. Your brain can only focus on the bad things, and you're forgetting all the good times. You're forgetting the fact that _you're still here_! There is nothing more precious than human life, Nikki, and despite the many attempts to take yours away, you're still clinging on with such determination. This may be exhausting, and sometimes it may feel like the effort isn't worth it, but you can't let go. If you did there would be massive repercussions. Think of Harry. You said you wanted to get better for him, but it's going to take work on your part. _I _can't fix you, Nikki. Only you can do that. It will be hard, and I expect you'll struggle from time to time, and that's when I can help. I'm here to keep you on track, to talk things through.  
"Now when you go out of here in a couple of minutes time, you're going to be feeling emotional having relived all this, and that's when you've got to let Harry look after you. Don't shut him out, let him in. He can help you, Nikki. Don't forget that he has been sat in that chair himself. And trust me, you're going to need all your friends around you for the next few months."

Nikki could feel her eyes prickling. She wanted to say something, but didn't know what.

"Where do I start?" she asked eventually.

"You already have. Coming to see me is the first step," Dr King said. "But I'm setting you homework. Before our next session I want you to have come up with a list. A list of at least ten good things in your life. Things that make you smile. I'm also going to tell you to stop taking those sleeping pills. They'll do more harm than good, and you'll probably find that you won't need them anyway."

Nikki nodded as they both stood up.

"You're an incredibly strong woman, Nikki. I believe that you can do this, I really do," Grace said. Nikki smiled weakly.

"Thank you," she croaked.

"I'm just doing my job," Dr King said, opening the door and letting Nikki pass through it first. As soon as Nikki entered the waiting room Harry stood up. Nikki walked straight over to him and burst into tears. Harry didn't question what was wrong, in fact, he didn't say anything. He simply wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Nikki heard footsteps behind her, and knew who it must be.

"Take her home, Harry," Dr King said. Nikki felt Harry nod, and he pulled back from her.

"Come on," he muttered. "Let's get you out of here."

They walked out into the car park, Harry's arm around Nikki. She was still sobbing, and Harry was gently soothing her.

"It's okay, it's all over now. We're going home," he was saying, but it wasn't making Nikki feel better as such.

"Can we go to your place?" Nikki asked Harry.

"Of course," he muttered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

*

When they arrived back at Harry's apartment, the enormity of everything that Nikki had done that morning finally hit her and she sunk onto Harry's sofa, completely shattered. Harry came and sat next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him. Nikki lay her head on his chest.

"She said I should let you in," she muttered tiredly.

"You should," Harry replied.

"She also said that I have to stop taking those sleeping pills," Nikki mumbled.

"Good. If I'd known that you were still taking them then I'd have stopped you myself," Harry said.

"I'm sorry," she whispered after a minute.

"Don't be sorry. None of this is your fault," Harry muttered. They fell into a comfortable silence, broken only by the ticking of the clock.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" Nikki asked eventually.

"Leo's given me a few days off," he replied. "Don't worry about it. I told you that I was going to be here for you whatever, and I will be."

Nikki wiped away a tear that trickled down her cheek. She raised her head to look at her boyfriend.

"Dr King asked me if I was really in love with you. She said people can sometimes mistake love for the simple longing to _be_ loved," she told him.

"And what did you say?" Harry asked.

"I told her I wouldn't know how to exist in a world where you don't."

Harry smiled at her gently and kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger slightly before he lay his cheek on her hair. Nikki leant into him once again, and for the first time in days a proper smile graced her lips.

* * *

**Another chapter for my lovely readers! I'm not too sure about this one either, but oh well!  
****Did anyone else watch the 'Watching the Dead' programme on Thursday? It was rather good! I don't like Harry's hair though!!! I think it looks so much better short :( But we did get to see some nice clips of series 13!  
****Review! (It makes me write quicker!)**


	15. Dreaming Wide Awake

**Chapter 15:** Dreaming Wide Awake

_Nikki was running through the trees. The forest was so dense that darkness engulfed her. It was impossible not to keep stumbling on tree roots and sticks in her haste to get away. Her lungs were working so hard on running that she could barely breathe, and it didn't help that she was sobbing too. She could hear panting behind her, drawing closer. _

_"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with N," he called in a sing-song voice. "I'm coming to get you, Nikki Alexander!"_

_Nikki uttered a small scream, her breathing shallow, and increased her speed. It wasn't doing any good though, she could hear him catching up with her. Suddenly, her foot caught on some brambles and with a cry of fear she fell face-first to the ground. She could taste the soil and leaves in her mouth as she sobbed herself into hysterics._

_From her position on the dirty, leafy floor, Nikki could clearly feel the pounding and thundering of feet on the ground as he approached her. She could also hear him laughing. It sent a shudder up her spine. There was no point in forcing herself to run again, he was faster than Nikki and would easily catch her._

_Then he was there, his muddy brown boots level with her eyes. He got down on his hands and knees beside Nikki and she screwed her eyes up tight. When she opened them again she could see Andy Bowen's face only an inch from hers, a smirk on his face. "Boo," he jeered. Nikki screamed. _

"Nikki! Nikki!"

Nikki couldn't breathe properly, then she realised that she was tangled in the duvet. To her surprise she was sobbing, obviously as a result of the dream she'd just had. She could feel hands trying to pull the duvet off of her, and suddenly Harry's concerned face materialised above her. She was curled up in a ball at the bottom of the bed, although how she got there she didn't know.

Nikki gulped down the cool air, trying to control her erratic breathing. Her face was hot and sweaty and she was shaking violently. She clutched out at Harry and he gathered her in his strong arms and pulled Nikki onto his lap.

"It's okay, you just had a bad dream," he told her, brushing Nikki's hair away from her sticky forehead. She nodded, clutching at his t-shirt.

"It felt so real," she gasped.

"That's the cruel thing about nightmares, they usually do," Harry said, rubbing her back soothingly.

"I thought seeing Grace King was supposed to stop my nightmares," she sobbed.

"Nikki, you've only been seeing Grace for a fortnight," he replied gently. "And it has helped, this is the first bad dream you've had for a while."

Nikki sniffed and just nodded again. She flopped her head onto Harry's shoulder, releasing a long, shuddering breath.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," she said guiltily.

"It doesn't matter, it's almost six anyway. My alarm would have gone off in ten minutes," he replied, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"You have to work?" Nikki asked him.

"Yes, are you coming in too?"

"I don't know. I spent yesterday here on my own, didn't I?" Nikki said thoughtfully.

"You did, and I'm so proud of you. That just proves that Grace is helping, because you'd never have been able to spend the entire day in your house alone a week ago," Harry smiled.

"I'm not sure I could do it two days in a row though," she said. "That might be too much too soon. I'll come into the lab."

"Okay," Harry replied, tightening his arms around her waist. "And you can just sit there drinking coffee all day while we have to work."

Nikki giggled. "It's not my fault if I have sick leave for another two weeks. Besides, if I'm honest I miss the PMs. I'm not really sure about the crime scenes – seeing as I still can't get in my car – but I can't wait to get up to my elbows in a corpse again."

"You're so morbid!" Harry laughed. Nikki smiled and twisted herself around on Harry's lap so that she was facing him.

"I am not! I just love my job. What's your excuse?" she grinned.

"I need the money," Harry said, but then his face broke out into a smile. Nikki tutted and loosely draped her arms around his neck, still sat on his lap.

"Thank you, Harry," she said sincerely.

"For what?" Harry asked, clearly puzzled.

"I don't know really. You just seem to have this ability to make me smile, no matter how I'm feeling or what's happened. You always have done," she told him. "Ever since the day I met you."

Harry laughed. "Well it's nice to know that I'm good for something!"

Nikki grinned coyly. "Oh, I could think of other things that you're good for," she whispered. Harry raised one eyebrow at her, which Nikki found very cute. She giggled and closed the gap between them, pressing her lips to his.

Harry eagerly responded to the kiss, placing his hands on her hips to pull Nikki even closer to him. She tightened her arms around his neck and buried her hands in Harry's hair, moaning as he deepened the kiss. Harry pushed them both down onto the bed so that he was leaning over Nikki and kissed his way down her neck, tugging at the strap on her pyjama top. Nikki ran her hands down Harry's back and under his t-shirt, eventually managing to pull the garment off of him.

"Harry..." she breathed. Her fingers dug into his shoulders as she suppressed another moan. However, just as Harry started to work on her pyjama bottoms his alarm went off.

They both groaned as the loud radio flickered into life. The Kings of Leon's _'Sex On Fire'_ blared into the room and Nikki giggled. Harry realised what was so amusing and laughed too, before rolling off of Nikki and flopping back onto his pillow.

"Well, I guess we'll never find out" he grinned, releasing a dramatic sigh. Nikki giggled again, both of them breathing heavily. After a minute of comfortable silence, Nikki pushed herself up on one elbow to look at Harry.

"You know," she said slowly, tracing random patterns on his stomach with her finger. "There's no strict rule that says we _must _be out of bed by six. I think it would be perfectly acceptable to stay here for say... another fifteen minutes."

"Fifteen?" Harry asked, pulling an uncertain face.

"Fine, thirty," Nikki grinned. Harry smirked at her before suddenly grabbing Nikki's waist and rolling them both over. Nikki squealed in surprise, but soon responded to Harry's fierce kiss.

*

It was the middle of the afternoon when Nikki noticed something was wrong. Harry and Leo had been having whispered conversations since just before lunch - when the last body was bought in. Nikki could see them now from where she was sat on the sofa. They were in Leo's office, seemingly arguing in hushed tones. Peering over the top of her book, Nikki carefully watched them.

Harry was shaking his head, but Leo was gesticulating wildly with his hands, first in her direction and then in the direction of the morgue. Nikki's eyes narrowed as she clearly saw Harry's lips form her name. Perhaps they were arguing about her coming back to work. Maybe Leo wanted her help on the body that came in, but Harry didn't think she was up to it. Well she was. And it would be a lot more interesting than what she was currently doing.

With a sigh Nikki forced herself up and quietly walked over to her bosses office. She knocked but didn't wait for an answer. Both Harry and Leo stopped talking abruptly as she entered, only confirming her suspicions that something was up.

"What's going on guys?" she asked with a smile.

"Nothing. What makes you think something's going on?" Leo asked nervously. Nikki frowned at him, and then focussed her attention on Harry, who was staring resolutely out of the window.

"Well something's wrong, I can tell," she said loudly to Leo. "You're all red and Harry can't even look at me, which is a sure sign that he's hiding something."

Harry turned around and sighed. He glanced at Leo, who nodded slightly, before walking over to Nikki and taking both of her hands in his own.

"Harry? What is it? You're scaring me," she muttered, suddenly apprehensive.

"A body was bought in to us at eleven this morning," he started quietly.

"I know," she frowned. "A suicide wasn't it?"

"Yes. He was a prison inmate awaiting trial," Harry told her.

"Yes, and..." she said, slightly amused.

"Nikki..." This time it was Leo who spoke, but he trailed off. Nikki looked between the two men. Leo, was watching her nervously, and Harry, who was gazing at the floor. Suddenly it clicked. Pulling herself away from Harry she stormed out of the office and in the direction of the morgue, her boot heels loud on the linoleum floor. The footsteps of Harry and Leo could be heard coming after her, but Nikki ignored them and strode straight into the cutting room. The body was on the slab furthest from her.

"Nikki, wait!" Harry called, but it was too late. Nikki had come to a halt in front of the black body bag, which was open to reveal the face. There, with bloody tissue protruding from his mouth and both nostrils, was the ghostly face of PC Andy Bowen.

* * *

**Ooh! I bet you didn't see that coming! Nor did I really, if I'm honest. I'd just finished all the fluff, and couldn't think what to put next and this sprung to mind!  
****I'm home ill today, which is why I've been able to update so quickly for you! Please review to make me feel better!  
****xxx**


	16. Death and All His Friends

**Chapter 16:** Death and All His Friends

Nikki pressed shaking fingers over her mouth as she looked down at the man on the slab, unable to tear her gaze away. Bowen's eyes were wide and staring, and they seemed to be looking right at her. All those memories from her accident that Nikki had managed to put aside suddenly came hurtling back into view. Elbowing past Leo and Harry, Nikki only just made it to the sink before she threw up.

Nikki released a weak groan and tugged a paper towel from the dispenser above her to wipe her mouth. It was then that she noticed someone rubbing her back. It was Leo. Nikki leant into him, still shaking violently. Behind her she could hear Harry zipping up the body bag, hiding Bowen's face.

"I wanted to tell you, not for you to find out like that," Leo muttered. Nikki didn't say anything, but turned around to face the room again. Although the black bag was done up, it didn't hide the outline of the man underneath it. Taking a deep breath, Nikki turned her back to the slab to face Harry and Leo instead.

"I'm okay," she said, her voice trembling.

"Are you?" Leo asked, disbelievingly.

"Of course she's not," Harry put in. "Nor would I be after seeing the person who tried to kill me dead on a slab. I said we shouldn't of told her, Leo," he muttered furiously.

"Nikki is a grown woman, Harry-"

"Hello! I'm stood right here," Nikki said, cutting across the argument. Both men fell silent and just watched her. The unpleasant acid-like taste was still lingering in Nikki's mouth, and she swallowed hard. "It was asphyxiation, was it?" she asked.

"Yes," Leo answered. "As you saw, he stuffed his nose and mouth with tissue, therefore suffocating himself."

"Was he on a suicide watch?"

"No." This time it was Harry who responded to her question. "He never showed any sign of depression or wanting to take his own life, apparently."

"But it was definitely suicide? There was no foul-play?"

"It couldn't have been anything other than suicide," Leo said gently.

Nikki nodded and remained silent. She didn't know what to feel. Surely she should be happy that he was dead? But there was some other feeling inside of her, something that she couldn't put a name to.

"Nikki?"

Leo's voice pulled Nikki out of her stupor. He was looking at her expectantly, unlike Harry who was watching her worriedly.

"What?"

"Harry's right, you're not really okay, are you?" he asked.

"Not as such," she muttered.

"But why?"

Nikki looked at Leo incredulously, and Harry said, "Leo," in a warning voice.

"No, it's just... I don't understand. Why aren't you pleased to see him dead? I thought you would be," the older man went on.

Nikki's eyes prickled as she considered what Leo said. It was that same question again: why wasn't she happy? Feeling the waterworks coming on big time, Nikki fled from the cutting room. She eventually stopped in the locker room and leant her forehead on the cool metal of her own locker, closing her eyes and taking a deep, calming breath.

"I don't think Leo meant to offend you."

Nikki hadn't even heard Harry approach, but she'd never been so glad to see him. Turning around to face him, she saw he had his arms outstretched. Nikki walked straight into them, releasing a small sob as she did so. Harry held her tightly and pressed a kiss to the top of her head as she cried.

"So how are you feeling about him being dead?" he asked Nikki quietly.

"I don't know. I'm so mixed up," she confessed, but then sighed and added, "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me," Harry challenged. Nikki pulled back from him and leant back against her locker. Harry stood with his arms folded across his chest patiently.

"Part of me feels a sort of... vindictive pleasure that he's dead. But the other part still sees the young, fresh-faced, kindly police officer, that I think deep down he was. He was practically just a kid, Harry; a messed up kid in need of help that no one was prepared to offer. When you were on that roof, I could see how scared he was, how much he feared death. So that part of me, that part feels sorry for him. And I hate that part of myself, because I'm not supposed to feel sorry for the man who tried to kill me."

Harry was watching her closely, and for a moment Nikki thought that he was going to judge her. However, he just sighed and took a step closer to her, entwining their fingers.

"There is nothing wrong with feeling like that," he told her. "You knew him, you befriended him for a little while. It's perfectly normal to experience a sense of pity for the victim."

Nikki immediately felt more reassured and gave Harry a small smile. Untangling her hands from his, she placed them either side of Harry's face, gently running her thumbs over his cheekbones.

"I don't think I could have done this without you. You understand me when no one else does," she whispered. "I have never felt closer to you. I have never needed you or wanted you more than I have done lately. It's like..."

"It's like what?" Harry breathed.

Nikki looked him right in the eye. "It's like you're my ventilator. You keep me breathing, you keep me fighting... You keep me feeling alive. Even when I've been close to just... letting go."

"That's because I needyou to _want_ to stay alive. I need someone to keep my feet firmly on the ground, someone to stop me making stupid decisions," he whispered. "When I was on that roof, I was _this_ close-" He held up his index finger and thumb just millimetres apart. "-from dropping Bowen over the edge. The Metropolitan Police's top CID couldn't talk me down. _Leo_ couldn't talk me down. Even Bowen's desperate pleas for his life couldn't have stopped me. But you did, Nikki. I'd never realised before then just how much _I _need _you_. You've become this... integral part of my life in the last five years, and I love you now more than ever."

Nikki swallowed the lump in her throat and kissed Harry quickly, before wrapping her arms around him and laying her cheek on his shoulder.

"I love you too," she muttered, feeling a tear drip out of the corner of her eye and fall onto Harry's jumper.

"Blimey," Harry said thickly. "That was a very deep conversation."

Nikki let out a watery chuckle. "I know."

"So, are you ready to go back out there?" he asked her. Nikki took a deep breath.

"I suppose. Just... just promise me that I won't have to look at his body again," she mumbled.

"Of course," Harry said. He unwrapped himself from Nikki and placed an arm around her shoulder and guided her out of the room and back to their desks. After Harry had sat Nikki on the sofa and supplied her with a cup of tea, Leo emerged in front of them.

"I'm sorry, Nikki," he said sheepishly. "I didn't mean to upset you, I just didn't think."

"That's okay," Nikki smiled. "I'm not angry."

Leo sighed. "Good. Look, why don't the pair of you take the afternoon off?"

"Are you feeling alright, Leo?" Harry frowned, causing Leo to tut at him.

"There's just not much point in either of you being here. Nikki, you're still on sick leave and Harry, I don't exactly think you're the right person to be watching me cut up Bowen's body."

"Okay then," Harry said.

"Thanks Leo," Nikki smiled.

"No problem. Now get out of here!" he grinned, before shaking his head slightly and walking off. Nikki looked at Harry.

"All that stuff you just said," she muttered, pressing her forehead to his.

"What about it?" he breathed back.

"Take me back to yours," she whispered. Harry's face broke out into a smirk, before he grabbed Nikki's hand and bag and dragged her from the lab.

*

A while later and Nikki was lying in bed with Harry. His cheek was resting on her hair and he was running his fingers gently up and down the top of her bare arm.

"Nikki?"

"Mmm?"

"What would you say... if I asked you to move in with me?"

Nikki's eyes widened and she lifted her head off of Harry to look at him.

"I would say that you are insane, Dr Cunningham. That would never work!" she said with a nervous laugh.

"Why not?" Harry asked in all seriousness.

"Well ... I – It ..." She faltered. Harry was looking at her with his eyebrows raised, and Nikki sat up away from him, leaning against the headboard. "I don't know! But you don't want to live with me! I'm all messed up!"

"You're not messed up, you're just going through a rough patch," Harry corrected, also sitting up but keeping his distance from a worked up Nikki. She ploughed on anyway, however.

"Harry," she said sadly. "I need to get better. And to get better I have to be completely independent. I can't depend on anyone, including you. I can't have you spoon-feeding me, and driving me to and from work everyday, and tucking me into bed at night."

"You won't be dependant on me," Harry argued. "I'm not going to 'spoon feed' you, and you can drive yourself to work... eventually. However, me putting you to bed at night would not be an act of dependence on your part, merely good sense."

Nikki let out a reluctant smile, a sign that Harry obviously took to be good, because he edged a bit closer to her and took one of her hands in both of his.

"Come on, Nikki. It will be great!" he insisted. "We have such a laugh when we're together, and I meant every word of what I said in the locker room earlier. You've always been a _very_ independent woman, you know that – not that that's a criticism! – and I really don't think that's going to change just by you moving in with me."

Nikki considered him for a moment. He looked so keen and excited that she couldn't help but smile and say, "Fine! I must be mad, but I'll move in with you."

Harry flashed her a massive grin, before leaning over and pressing his lips to hers.

* * *

**Another chapter for you! I'm still ill with flu (luckily not the swine sort!) so I have basically just spent all day writing this, and watching _The Pianist_ which also has Emilia Fox in. It's a good film actually, I recommend it!  
Oooh!! Did anyone watch the series finale of Waking the Dead last night?? It was very tense and exciting, wasn't it? I don't want the series to be over! :(****  
****Anyway, please review and let me know what you think. This chapter is practically all fluff! **


	17. Behind Closed Doors

**Chapter 17:** Behind Closed Doors

Nikki groaned when Harry's alarm flickered into life the next morning. She hit out at the bedside table blindly, resulting in the clock falling to the floor. But at least it had stopped.

"Do you mind not destroying my things?" Harry mumbled sleepily, rolling over and wrapping an arm around Nikki's waist to pull her closer to him.

"Sorry," she yawned unconcernedly, snuggling into Harry a bit more.

"Oh well, seeing as you're going to be living with me from now on, that was technically your clock too, so if it's broken then you're going to have to buy a new one," he joked. Nikki smiled at this, still with her eyes closed.

"I blame the bang on my head from the accident for making me agree to that," she grinned. "I can't think of any other reason why I would want to live with you in your 'bachelor pad'."

"'Bachelor pad'?" Harry repeated with a laugh. "Besides, I can think of something."

"And what might that be?"

Harry pressed a kiss to her shoulder, letting his lips linger. "Well..." he whispered against her skin. "I doubt that any other guy has ever made you scream like I did last night."

A shiver travelled up the ladder of Nikki's spine, and she swallowed hard before rolling over to face Harry. He smirked at her, but Nikki shrugged slightly and pulled an uncertain face before saying, "I don't know... You weren't that good." However, a smile was tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Oh please," Harry muttered. "I bet your knees are still trembling just thinking about it."

This did, in fact, make Nikki's knees go a bit weak, but she would never admit that to Harry.

"You're very sure about yourself, aren't you, Dr Cunningham?" she whispered.

"I'm just going by what I've been told by the many, _many_ women in my life," he muttered in mock seriousness. Nikki couldn't help but snort with laughter at this one, and Harry chuckled as well. After kissing her forehead, he said to Nikki, "Come on, we should be getting up. I need a shower."

"Let me have a shower first, you always drain all the hot water," she protested, climbing out of bed and pulling on her dressing gown.

"_I_ do?" Harry exclaimed incredulously, also getting out of bed.

"Yes! Please can I go first?" she asked nicely.

"Well, I'm sure there's room for two in that cubicle... just about," he said with a smirk.

Nikki tutted as he walked towards her and placed his hands on her hips.

"You have a dirty, dirty mind, Harry Cunningham," she mumbled, placing a hand on his chest and kissing him lightly. "But I'm afraid I don't have time for dirty, I have to shower before work," she added, and before Harry had registered what was happening she had ran into the en suite bathroom and locked the door.

*

Harry was still sulking when they arrived at the lab later that morning. Nikki sighed as she watched him at his desk, pouting moodily.

"If the wind changes you face will stay like that," she told him. Harry looked over at her and frowned.

"You used all the hot water!" he complained. "I'm going to have to use the showers here now."

"I'm sorry, but it's your fault if you forgot to switch the hot water on last night," Nikki smiled. "Anyway, what I wanted to ask you was whether I could have a lift to Grace's office this afternoon?"

"I didn't know you had an appointment today," Harry said.

"I booked it this morning," she told him. "I thought I should after... yesterday. So, can I have a lift during your lunch hour? I'll get a taxi back."

"Don't be stupid, I'll pick you up as well. Just give me a ring when you're done."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Harry said. "It'll give me an excuse to get out of here."

Nikki smiled at him. "Thank you."

Harry just winked at her and picked up a folder before taking it to Leo's office. A wink. That was it. No hug, no kiss, not even an 'I love you'. Surely he can't still be in a strop because of the shower fiasco? But he was fine before that, winding Nikki up with his crude innuendo as usual. Unless that was just his way of covering up. Harry had often had a tendency to joke about rather than admit how he was feeling.

A minute later Nikki saw Harry leave Leo's office and head off in the direction of the cutting room. Making her decision, Nikki gave him a couple of minutes before she followed. When she pushed open the frosted glass doors, she could see Harry scrubbed up and about to start a PM.

"Are you okay?" she asked tentatively as she walked in.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Harry replied, slightly cooler than he normally would be.

"You just seem..."

"What?"

"I don't know. Different," Nikki said.

Harry frowned at her. "Okay..." he said slowly, before turning back to the body on the slab.

"So you're alright?" she asked him. Harry peered over his shoulder at her and nodded.

"I'm good," he said with a small smile before turning away again.

"Right then," Nikki muttered, and she left the room.

*

"Are you ready to go?"

Harry emerged in front of where Nikki was sat reading her book, an expectant look on his face. Nikki glanced at her watch and gasped; she'd got so lost in her book that she'd completely forgotten about her counselling session.

"Yeah, let's go," she smiled, standing up and shrugging on her coat. They walked out into the cold car park in near silence. Harry was being uncharacteristically quiet, and Nikki didn't like it. It worried her, because usually when he was angry or upset with her he wouldn't hesitate to let his feelings be known. Harry only ever clammed up when something was worrying him that he didn't want to share with Nikki.

"So, who's PM were you doing this morning?" she asked him after 10 minutes of silent driving.

"A 17-year-old girl. She was on the phone to her boyfriend whilst crossing the road. Poor girl never saw the several tons of lorry coming towards her," he said bluntly, his eyes fixed on the road ahead. Nikki winced sympathetically.

"That's horrible," she stated sadly.

"Yeah, well... If it didn't happen then we'd be out of a job," Harry replied. Nikki frowned at him.

"Harry," she said reproachfully.

"Well, it's true! Everyday we hope for someone to get killed in the most interesting way we can think of just so that we can put off paperwork! We call ourselves 'doctors' but we don't wish for people's lives, we wish for their deaths!" he argued, the volume of his voice increasing. "If people didn't go getting themselves stupidly killed then our days would be empty and pointless, and the ludicrous Ph.D. that is meaningless expect for the fact that it gives us fancy titles would have been a waste of time and effort, not to mention Oxbridge fees, because for some reason unless you've gone to Oxford or Cambridge you're not as good as everyone else is!" He was shouting by the time he'd finished the last sentence, and Nikki flinched slightly.

"What's the matter with you?" she asked him sharply.

"Nothing!" he snapped. Nikki sighed angrily and leant back against the seat, glad that they were only a couple of minutes from Grace's office.

"I'm not even going to bother to speak to you when you're in this mood, once-" Nikki started to say, but Harry interrupted her.

"That's it, it's always Harry's fault, isn't it?" he cried. "What about how I might be feeling lately? I almost killed a man and then yesterday he turned up dead on a slab anyway!"

Nikki continued regardless of what he said, however she did find herself almost shouting. "_Once_ you've calmed down and stopped feeling sorry for yourself and you decide to tell me what's wrong, then I might be a bit more sympathetic!"

Harry swung the car into the car park and skidded to an abrupt halt outside the doors. Nikki wasted no time in picking up her bag and getting out of the car. However, before she shut the door she leant back inside and said, "Oh, and don't bother coming to pick me up later, I'll get a taxi. At least that way I might get some stimulating conversation!"

"Fine!" Harry exclaimed. Nikki slammed the door as hard as she could.

"Fine!" she shouted after him as he revved up and sped off. Then she released a large, frustrated groan and – still seething – stomped into the building.

When she stormed into the waiting room, Nikki could see Dr Grace King talking to another patient, both of them leaning against the reception desk. However, Grace saw her and noticed that Nikki was worked up. She said something to the person she was with, patted their elbow, and then walked over to Nikki.

"Come on," she said kindly, leading the way into her room. Nikki flopped onto the sofa, picking at the corner of one of the many cushions.

"I hate him," she muttered mutinously.

"Who?" Dr King asked, opening her book and finding the right page.

"Who do you think?" Nikki snapped, but then immediately felt guilty and said quietly, "Sorry."

"That's perfectly okay. I take it you're talking about Harry?" Nikki nodded. "You're clearly very angry. Do you want to tell me why?"

"He just..." she started ferociously. "He was fine this morning! Then as soon as we arrived at work he was suddenly really cold towards me, and couldn't even look at me properly! I don't know what I'm supposed to have done wrong!"

Dr King frowned and scribbled something down. "Has he actually told you that he's angry at you?"

"Oh yes, he's made that very clear!" Nikki said loudly. "Just now in the car he starts randomly going on about how immoral and wrong our job is because we wish for people to die, and then about how pointless a Ph.D. is! He was practically shouting at me, as if it was my fault that he chose to be a pathologist!" She released a long breath, impatiently brushing away a frustrated tear from her cheek.

Grace remained silent for a minute, other than offering Nikki a tissue which she refused. Eventually she said, "Do you know _why_ Harry is feeling like he is?"

"No," Nikki muttered moodily. "I didn't really give him the opportunity to explain."

"Okay. What I want you to do is this: _Talk to him_. Hear him out. Maybe not straight away, I think you both might need some space for a while."

"But where do I go in the mean time?" Nikki asked. "I still can't face spending the night alone in my house, and if I can't go to Harry's, then I'm stuck."

"Do you not have anyone else that would be willing to put you up for a night?" Dr King asked. Nikki ran a hand through her hair.

"I suppose there's one other person," she said quietly.

*

Nikki heaved her large night bag onto her shoulder a bit more as she paid for her taxi and walked up the familiar driveway. A light was on in the lounge, and when she knocked on the door she could see the shadow of the man coming to answer it.

"Nikki?" Leo said, surprised. Then he noticed her bag. "Are you okay?"

"Can I stay here with you tonight?" she asked sadly, this time not bothering to try and wipe away the tear that was rolling down her pale cheek.

"Of course," Leo said softly, taking Nikki's bag and putting it in the hall behind him. He then turned back to face Nikki who was still stood on the doorstep, before gathering her into his arms for the hug that she so desperately needed right then.

* * *

**Bit of father/daughter bonding from Leo and Nikki at the end there, because I realised I hadn't done any for a while.  
****Hope you like this chapter, I've thrown some angst in there! It couldn't be all sickly sweet and fluffy for ever! Lol**

**Ooh, Emilia Fox is on the **_**Alan Titchmarsh Show**_** on ITV1 next Thursday (8****th**** October) at 3.00pm. Unfortunately I'm going to have to watch it on ITVPlayer on their website, as I'll still be at college. I hope she talks about Silent Witness! You probably don't care, but I thought I'd let you know just in case!**


	18. Love Changes Everything

**Chapter 18:** Love Changes Everything

Nikki was sat at Leo's breakfast bar, absent-mindedly prodding at her bowl of soggy cornflakes with a spoon.

"Nikki?"

Leo walked into the room, a newspaper tucked under one arm. He threw it next to her and then walked over to his coffee machine. Nikki picked up the paper and unfolded it. A huge picture of Andy Bowen in his police uniform took up the majority of the page, with smaller photographs underneath. One was of the crime scene at the farm and the other was a picture of farmer, Graham Potts, and his wife. The headline read _'POLICEMAN AWAITING TRIAL FOR MURDER KILLS HIMSELF'_.

Nikki fought down the urge to vomit again, and instead just turned the paper over.

"How do they know?" she asked Leo.

"The press have an uncanny ability to find out almost anything," he replied dryly. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"I feel... better, knowing that he's dead. It makes me less scared."

"That's not what I meant," Leo said.

"I know," she replied quietly. "I don't know how I'm feeling. Tired, because I didn't get much sleep. Angry at Harry, because he had no right to fly off the handle like that at me, and upset, because last night was the first night in over a month where I had slept alone."

Leo sat down opposite her, stirring his coffee slowly. "You need to speak to him."

"I know," Nikki sighed. "I'll come into work with you."

"Okay."

"I'm dreading it though," she added. Leo smiled.

"I think the trouble is that you're both as hot-headed as each other," he chuckled. "But that's what makes you work so well. You balance each other out."

"If we 'balance each other out'," Nikki muttered. "Then why are there so many ups and downs?"

"There aren't!" Leo pointed out. "Since the pair of you got together you've been nothing but happy. Well, maybe _you_ haven't been, but that's not got anything to do with Harry, has it? In fact, I doubt whether you'd have even been able to get better if it wasn't for him. My point is, you're good together. You look like the perfect couple, you have a fantastic friendship. You _get_ each other, that's what's important."

Nikki gave him a reluctant smile, sipping from her luke-warm cup of tea. "We _look_ like the perfect couple?" she repeated with a laugh.

"You do," Leo grinned. "You're a beautiful woman and he's... a good-looking bloke, I suppose."

Nikki snorted. "Don't let Harry hear you calling him 'good-looking', you'll never live it down."

"I know," he smiled. "Come on, let's go. The sooner you get it over with, the better."

Nikki pulled a sulky face and groaned. Leo just laughed and grabbed her arm before pulling her from the room and out of the house, stooping to grab his case on the way.

"Thank you for lending me your spare room last night, Leo," Nikki smiled when they were pulling out of the driveway.

"That's alright. It was nice to have some company."

"I was a blubbering mess."

"Yes, but you were a blubbering mess keeping me company," he grinned, and Nikki giggled. A comfortable silence fell, and it was a few minutes before she spoke again.

"Harry asked me to move in with him."

"What?" Leo exclaimed, twisting his head to look at her. "That's great!"

"Why would he ask me to move in with him, only to bite my head off less than 24 hours later?" she asked sadly. Leo sighed.

"I don't know. He's Harry, you know what he's like," he said. "Whenever something's worrying him, or has upset him, he'll slip into the 'strong and silent type' persona, until someone can snap him out of it."

"But _what's_ upset him? That's what I don't understand," Nikki said angrily.

"That's what you need to find out," Leo told her.

*

"He's late," Nikki said as she walked into Leo's office.

"He sent me a text saying that he was caught in traffic about half an hour ago," Leo told her, not looking up from his computer. Nikki started pacing the room, biting at her thumb. She had absolutely no idea what she was going to say to Harry. It wasn't going to be her that apologised first though, she knew that. There was no reason for her to apologise, she hadn't done anything wrong.

"You'll wear a hole in the carpet," Leo muttered, and Nikki stopped walking.

"Sorry."

Suddenly the doors buzzed, and both Nikki and Leo looked out. Nikki glanced at her boss, who nodded encouragingly, and she walked out of the office. Harry had just sat down at his desk, but when he saw Nikki walking towards him he got up again and walked to the other side of the room.

"Stop being so childish," she tutted, following him as he further ignored her and left for the locker room. Eventually he stopped at his locker and started rummaging in it.

"Why are you being like this?" Nikki asked him, but Harry didn't even acknowledge that he'd heard her. "Is it something I've done?" she persisted. "Is it work?"

Still, Harry wouldn't answer her. He snapped his locker shut and walked from the room again, with Nikki close on his heels.

"This is ridiculous, Harry, you can't ignore me forever!" she said angrily. They had reached their desks again now, and Nikki was beginning to get annoyed. If there was one thing she hated, it was being ignored. "For God's sake, Harry, say something!" she demanded.

Harry just focussed his attention on his computer screen. Nikki sighed and said, "You know, I knew that this wouldn't work. Right from the beginning I've had this niggling feeling that me and you would be over before it had begun, and I was right! And do you know why it is that we don't work, Harry?" she paused to see if what she was saying was having any effect. It wasn't, and this just made her angrier. "It's because when it comes to relationships you have the emotional maturity of a _nineteen-_year-old!" she screamed before storming off into Leo's office again, slamming the door behind her.

"That obviously went well," her boss said sarcastically.

"Shut up," Nikki snapped, flopping down in the chair opposite him.

"Don't take your frustration with Harry out on me! What did he say to you?" Leo asked.

"He didn't," Nikki muttered sourly. "That's why I shouted at him. He just completely refused to talk to me!"

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"Thanks, but I don't think me sending in the boss to sort out our relationship problems would do much good, do you?"

Leo chuckled. "I suppose not."

"Besides," she added. "I need to talk to him myself. I just wish that he wanted to talk to me too."

Leo looked thoughtful for a moment, before he said, "I'm going to get myself a coffee, do you want something?"

"No thank you. But is it okay if I wait in here for you to get back? I don't particularly want to have to go out there and face Harry again at the moment."

"No, that's fine," Leo smiled. "I won't be long."

After he'd left Nikki blew out a long breath and looked around his office. There was a photo on Leo's desk of the three of them, but Nikki found that she couldn't even remember when it was taken. When did her life get so messy? She could barely remember the days before all this, when she could drive her car and be in her house alone. The days when all three of them were just great friends; when her and Harry were _best_ friends.

Nikki was pulled out of her train of thought by the door opening again and Leo walking in, closely followed by Harry. Harry looked completely shocked to see Nikki sat there and he made to leave again, but Leo snapped the door shut.

"Leo, stop being stupid, let me out," Harry said, tugging on the door. Leo, however, was leaning on it and refused Harry's request.

"The pair of you need to talk," he said. "And if locking you in my office together is the only way of making that happen, then so be it."

Harry glared at his boss. "You can't do that!"

"Watch me," Leo quipped. He smiled at Nikki, who mouthed 'thank you' at him.

"Leo!" Harry cried, but Leo just said, "Don't touch my computer. And don't steal any of my pens either."

Then he left and locked the door. Harry wasn't happy. He banged on the glass, but when he realised that Leo wasn't relenting he released an angry groan and rested his forehead on the door instead, his back to Nikki.

"Well, now it looks like you're going to have to talk to me," Nikki said. "Unless you want to spend the rest of your days locked in Leo's office?"

Harry still didn't say anything, and Nikki released a weary sigh. "I just want to know w_hy,_ Harry," she said quietly. "I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"I don't need help," he spat, still with his back to her. "I'm not you."

Nikki pretended not to hear this last bit, but was just relieved that he actually said something. "So what is it then?" she asked. "Because one minute we're completely and utterly in love, and the next you're shouting at me! Did I do something to upset you?"

"No," Harry sighed, finally turning round and leaning his back on the door, although he looked at his shoes when he spoke. "You haven't done anything."

"So _what_ then?" she cried. "All that stuff you said to me the other day. About how much you needed me, and loved me. Did you even mean any of that? When you asked me to move in, did you mean that?"

"Yes," he said simply.

Nikki let out an exasperated sigh. "So _what_ is your _problem_ then?" she shouted. "Because I can't work you out at the moment! It's like you've transformed into the whole other person, that I don't even recognise any more!"

"I just don't think I can do this any more," Harry muttered. Nikki felt tears prickle at the corners of her eyes.

"_Why_?" she asked desperately. "Is it because of how messed up I am? Because I will get better."

This time Harry stood up straight and looked her right in the eye. "No, that's not your fault," he told her firmly.

"Then please Harry, just tell me why," Nikki pleaded.

"It's because of all those things, Nikki!" he cried. "It's because I need you, and because you make me who I am. It's because I love you so damn much that I can't do this any more!"

This time it was Nikki's turn to remain silent. Her brain was going into overdrive trying to work out what Harry meant.

"You have almost been killed five times in as many years," he continued. "And you get yourself into these situations without a care in the world! You got kidnapped because you wandered away from a crime scene, _alone_, when you knew a dangerous animal rights group worked in that area; you were left for dead in that hospital basement because you were too stubborn to wait for me, and again wandered off alone. You were left with a gun pointing at your head last year when you _chased after_ the armed robber who stole your laptop! It's like you're metaphorically standing on the edge of a cliff, just waiting for the wind to blow you one way or the other!"

"I am not suicidal, Harry," Nikki frowned.

"You're careless with your life. Only a couple of weeks ago I found you sat with a bottle of wine and a handful of tablets. And the idea that I might just lose you one day petrifies me. Which is why I can't do this any more. I'm scared to breathe, Nikki, in case I say something that might upset you and cause you to take your own life. I'm scared to sleep, in case I wake up to find you dead next to me. The night before last I just lay there and listened to you breathing, all night."

"Harry..." Nikki whispered, feeling a lump in her throat.

"I am crazy about you, Nikki. And I thought that this was it, I thought you were the one that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But I can't do that with someone that plays so dangerously with death like you do."

Nikki stood up and took a step closer to Harry, blinking away the tears that were forming. But she didn't know what to say to him.

"I am getting better," she told him. "Knowing that Bowen's dead has finally let me breathe again. And I know that I can be a bit... reckless, when it comes to cases. But that's because I never really had anyone that I worried about leaving behind."

"You had me!" Harry cried.

"Yes, but as far as I was concerned you didn't think of me as anything more than your best friend. But what I'm trying to say is, it's not like that any more!" Nikki placed her hands on Harry's chest. He stiffened, but didn't push her away. "I love you, and I'm not prepared to lose what I've got with you."

"How do I know that you're not just telling me what I want to hear?" he asked, pushing her hands away.

"You don't. You just have to trust me," Nikki told him, her voice shaking with emotion. "Now, you can take back all that crap about breaking up with me, you can wrap your arms around me and you can kiss me; or you can go out there and face the wrath of a very protective Leo. What's it going to be?"

* * *

**Haha, thought I'd end it on a cliffy, as it is rather a long chapter. What do you think? I hope that's a good enough reason for Harry's behaviour! **


	19. The Nature of Reality

**Chapter 19:** The Nature of Reality

"Now, you can take back all that crap about breaking up with me, you can wrap your arms around me and you can kiss me; or you can go out there and face the wrath of a very protective Leo. What's it going to be?"

Nikki never broke eye contact with Harry, who she could see looked close to tears himself. He swallowed hard, and for a minute Nikki had this terrifying image of him turning his back on her. However, after blowing out a long breath and running his hand across his face, Harry said, "I'm sorry."

Nikki let out a sigh of relief, and she gave Harry a reassuring smile. "I know."

"No, I really am. I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I went off on one like that. It was completely selfish and inconsiderate of me, and I'll understand if you hate me, but I am so sorry, and I love you and don't want to break up with you," he rambled. Nikki silenced him by pressing her finger to his lips.

"I don't hate you," she told him. "Far from it. Now, what did I tell you to do?"

Harry looked puzzled, so Nikki elaborated. "Well, there was taking back that crap, which you've done, then there was-"

"Wrapping my arms around you," Harry grinned, doing exactly that.

"And then?" Nikki whispered.

Harry didn't say anything, but put one hand on Nikki's cheek, gently stroking it with his thumb. "I love you," he muttered. Nikki smiled and Harry closed the gap between them, pressing his lips against hers. The relief that everything was okay completely consumed Nikki, and she couldn't help but break the kiss and smile against Harry's lips. He chuckled and gathered Nikki into a hug. She rested her cheek on his shoulder, breathing in the smell that was so distinctly Harry.

"I've missed you," she mumbled.

"I've missed you too," Harry replied, planting a kiss in the crook of her neck. "Where did you sleep last night?"

"In Leo's spare room," she told him. "Not that I could sleep."

"I'm glad you went to Leo's. I was up all night worrying about you," he said. "I dialled your number so many times, but I just hung up before it connected."

"Well you didn't have to worry, Leo looked after me. It wasn't the same though."

"I know, I'm sorry."

Nikki just smiled at Harry before embracing him in a quick hug again.

"Come on," Harry said when he pulled away. "I'm beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic locked in here."

He walked over to the door and knocked on the glass. Eventually Leo came pottering over, and unlocked his office. However, before he would let them out he shut the door again and said, "So, have you sorted things out?"

"Yes," Nikki smiled. However, Leo didn't look exactly thrilled.

"Good," he said, "You can both go then. Harry, can I have a word?"

Harry nodded for Nikki to go ahead and she did so, but slowly. Part of her was worried what Leo was going to say to Harry. However, he shut the door behind Nikki and she was unable to hear anything, so she nervously went and perched on the corner of Harry's desk.

When Harry re-emerged a few minutes later he looked a bit sheepish and flushed. He spotted Nikki and walked over to her.

"What happened?" she asked him quickly.

"I got a bit of a ticking off," Harry told her, sitting down heavily in his chair.

"What?" Nikki exclaimed. "What did he say?"

"Just that I wasn't to mess you about, and that you needed me, and that I should have seen the state you were in last night..."

"I can't believe him," she muttered.

"Don't worry about it," Harry told her. "He's right. I completely deserved that."

"Yeah, well maybe you did. But I've forgiven you, and Leo doesn't even know _why _you did what you did."

"It doesn't matter why," he said dejectedly. "I still shouldn't have treated you like I did."

"Look, let's just forget about it and move on shall we?" Nikki asked, taking Harry's hand in hers. He smiled up at her, and suddenly Nikki had an idea. "Come on," she said. "Let's go for a walk."

"Nikki, I can't. What about work?"

"It'll be fine, just take an early lunch. I'll clear it with Leo while you get your coat."

To her surprise, Leo didn't take much persuading. In fact, he seemed quite relieved to be getting rid of them for half an hour or so. His reasoning was 'he needed the peace and quiet'.

So Nikki walked down to the car park, where Harry was waiting for her. The cold air bit at her cheeks, and she wrapped her scarf around her a bit more as her breath rose in smoky clouds in front of her. When she reached Harry she entwined their fingers and together they walked out of the car park.

"Where are we going?" Harry asked her.

"I don't know. I thought maybe the lake."

Just a ten minute walk from the lab there was a large park, full of lush, green grass and copses of trees. Right in the middle of the park was huge lake, a place where Nikki had gone many a time to clear her head.

It was a stunning sight, when Harry and Nikki arrived there a few minutes later, despite the fact that it wasn't a sunny day. It was relatively empty due to the fact that most people were at work in the warmth, and the stillness that surrounded them was surreal. They were walking on a wide footpath lined with trees, which were dropping their leaves in considerable haste now that December had arrived, creating a mass of gold, scarlet and orange on the ground. Blackbirds could be heard singing contentedly in the trees, and every so often a dog would bound past them with a stick in its mouth.

"Harry?"

"Yes, Nikki?"

"Do you think if I hadn't had my accident we'd have still got together?"

Harry looked thoughtful for a moment. "I don't know. I think something would have happened one day – although knowing us it would have been an alcohol-induced one night stand – but I'm not sure when. It took your accident to really open my eyes and see things for how they were."

"Oh. So something good did come out of Andy Bowen trying to kill me," Nikki said.

"I suppose. It didn't feel like that while you were in hospital though. You have no idea just how scared I was."

"What happened exactly?" Nikki asked. "I've never really wanted to talk about it before, but I think I have to to move on, and I don't know what happened in the gap between when I was run off the road, and when I woke up in hospital."

Harry took a deep breath. "Okay... Well, Leo and I were in the layout room waiting for you and DCI Paul Harmer to bring your body back from the farm, but Paul turned up and you didn't. When half an hour had passed and there was still no sign of you, we began to panic. Paul started calling people, and Leo kept trying your number, but no one knew anything. Then my mobile rang."

Harry paused, it was obviously painful to relive it all again. Nikki gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"It was some doctor or nurse or something. As soon as she said the words 'critical condition' my mind just went blank. Leo had to take the phone off me. I had no idea that I was your next of kin."

"Well, you just seemed to be the most obvious person to do the job," Nikki told him, and Harry nodded. It was another minute before he continued.

"Paul drove us to the hospital. He put the siren on the top of his car. When we got there no one would tell us anything. All the doctors and nurses just kept saying you were in surgery, and they'd let us know. It was five hours before we finally got to see you." There was another deep breath. "You had so many wires and tubes, and you just looked completely lost under all the blankets. There were machines all around you that were keeping you alive. I couldn't believe that you were on life-support. It just didn't seem real somehow. But I sat with you, and held your hand, and I refused to leave your side for practically 24 hours. The nurses were really good. One kept supplying me with coffee and gave me a blanket when the night drew in. Then I think I fell asleep, because the next thing I knew, all your machines were going crazy and you were writhing around in bed making this horrible choking sound. At first it petrified me, but then I realised it was just you fighting your intubation."

"Then I woke up?"

"Then, after a few hours, you woke up, yes."

Nikki squeezed Harry's hand. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry! It wasn't your fault."

"Yeah, I know, but..." she trailed off. They walked in silence for another couple of minutes before Harry suddenly said, "So, when are you moving in?"

Nikki paused before answering, and Harry obviously noticed because he said, "What's wrong? I though you wanted to move in?"

"I do," she told him. "I just wasn't sure that the offer still stands."

"Of course it does!" Harry laughed. "Why wouldn't it?"

"Well... things were said the other day, and..." Nikki trailed off, aware that she was being stupid. Harry just released her hand and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into him.

"Well the offer does still stand, and I would like very much for you to move in with me, Nikki Alexander."

Nikki reached up and kissed him on the cheek. "How soon can you take me to get my stuff?" she smiled. Harry's grip on her shoulders tightened and he pressed a kiss to her hair.

*

As soon as Leo had let them leave that evening, Nikki had dragged Harry out to his car and promptly told him to drive to her house. Now they were sat in the usual rush-hour traffic, worsened by the rain that had steadily been falling since earlier in the afternoon.

"Harry, if I move in with you, can you do something for me?" Nikki asked her boyfriend as they ground to another frustrating halt.

"Of course."

"I want to come back to work properly," she said. "And to do that I need to be able to get in my car without throwing up. So, will you help me get over my panic attacks?"

Harry turned his head to look at her closely. "Are you sure you're ready? You've only been seeing Grace for three weeks."

"I'm sure. She recommended that I start trying to get back into my old daily routine, but she told me that I'll need someone to help me. Will you help me?"

"Yes, I'll help, of course I will. Although I'm not sure there's much I can do," Harry replied uncertainly.

"Just be there for me, that's all," Nikki assured him. "And stop me from backing out at the last minute."

Harry chuckled. "Okay, how soon were you thinking?"

"This weekend. I want to start work again on Monday."

"Do you think that's plausible? You might not be able to just overcome everything in a couple of days," he frowned.

"Well, we'll see," Nikki said simply. "I know how much I can or can't handle."

They spent the rest of the journey in a comfortable silence, until Harry eventually pulled up outside Nikki's house. Having been absent from her humble abode for five days, there was a large pile of post waiting on the doormat when she stepped inside. Nikki picked it up and tossed it to one side when she noticed that the sheaf of envelopes consisted of practically all bills.

"What do you need to get?" Harry asked her, shutting the front door behind him. "Obviously we'll have to come back at the weekend or sometime to get the big things."

"I know, I'll just get the rest of my clothes, and my big make up bag is here as well."

The pair of them went upstairs and into Nikki's bedroom, where Harry promptly sat on the end of the bed. Nikki tutted.

"It's okay, Harry. You just sit there, I can manage," she said sarcastically.

"Oh don't worry, I will," Harry grinned. Nikki narrowed her eyes at him but a smile crept onto her face as she reached onto the top of her wardrobe and pulled off her large suitcase.

"Bloody hell, how many clothes do you have?" Harry exclaimed as Nikki started bundling the contents of her wardrobe into the case.

"Enough," she replied simply. "At least I add variety to my outfits."

"So do I!" Harry cried.

"No you don't. It's always jeans and either a shirt or a jumper," she said, trying not to laugh at the offended look on Harry's face. He pouted at her.

"I don't think I want you moving in if you're going to be like that," he said sulkily. Nikki did laugh this time. She walked over and sat next to him.

"I'm very sorry," she grinned. "I'll make it up to you when we get back to yours."

Harry's eyes widened, and he said, "Well, we'd better pack all this up quickly then, hadn't we?"

"That's more like it," she laughed. "I can't believe I'm going to trust you with this, but can you fold those clothes while I go and sort out what I need from the bathroom?"

"I can fold clothes, Nikki," Harry said indignantly. Nikki just snorted and left her bedroom. As she walked across the landing and into the bathroom she considered just how much her life had changed in the last month. Whereas a month ago she'd had a boring, plain, single life devoted to her work, she now had Harry. He wasn't exactly 'new', but he'd completely turned her life on its head. For the better, of course.

Nikki sighed contentedly and opened her bathroom cabinet. How she was expected to sort through the mess in there, she didn't know. Nikki immediately plucked out her beloved make up bag. Lately she'd had to survive using only the bare essentials that she'd had in her handbag: mascara and lip gloss, so it was good to see the large, pink bag again.

However, when Nikki opened it up and spotted what was lying on the surface, her stomach took a sickening jolt. She pulled out the small packet and slowly walked back into her bedroom with it. Her hands were shaking violently.

"You know, you have way too many things," Harry grinned when he spotted her. He was attempting to close her suitcase. "I have no idea where we're going to fit all this stuff-"

"Harry..." Nikki croaked.

"Perhaps I'll have to have a clear out, get rid of some of the old junk that I've got lying around my flat-"

"Harry."

"I could chuck out that old armchair in the spare room for a start. I don't really know why I've still got it..."

"Harry!"

"What?" he asked, clearly annoyed by her consistent interruptions. Nikki took a deep breath.

"You know that I'm on The Pill?" she started slowly and quietly. Harry frowned.

"Yeah..."

Nikki held up the packet of tablets that she was holding. "I'm supposed to take it every day, but... I left it here last weekend, along with my make up."

"You _what_?" Harry exclaimed, and Nikki saw him gulp.

"I've been forgetting to take it," she mumbled.

"So the last time you took it was... Saturday?" he asked her shakily. Nikki nodded, her eyes shining. "But Nikki, today's _Thursday_! The Pill is... The Pill is the only thing we've been using! And we've had sex in the last five days!"

Nikki wiped away a tear that was rolling down her cheek as she looked nervously at Harry.

"You might be pregnant," he stated quietly. Nikki nodded again, her insides twisting in fear.

* * *

**Bit of a cliffhanger. I'm not telling you whether she's preggers or not, you'll have to wait until the next chapter to find out! **


	20. Tears For Fears

**Chapter 20:** Tears For Fears

Harry was looking at Nikki with an expression that she couldn't read. It was something like panic, with a hint of nervousness. Eventually he cleared his throat and said, "We need to know for sure. I'll go out and get you a test."

"No," Nikki protested. "They can be so unreliable, the last thing we need is a false result."

"So what do you suggest? We just wait nine months and see what happens?" Harry said sarcastically, slightly cooler than he normally would have been.

"Harry, we work in a lab. Tomorrow you can take a sample of my blood and send it to toxicology to test," she replied shakily. "You can't get much more accurate than that."

"But Lorraine works in the lab on a Friday, and she's such a gossip," Harry said, looking completely against the idea. "By the end of the day the whole lab will know that you're pregnant."

"Might be pregnant," Nikki corrected hastily, hoping that was the case. "And I'm not suggesting that we label it 'Dr Nikki Alexander' in block capitals, we can put Jane Doe or something."

"That's all very well, but it will take a good few days to get the results back," Harry argued. "It would be so much simpler just to buy a test!"

"Please, Harry, don't fight me on this," Nikki pleaded, feeling her eyes stinging. "I can hurry the lab up, we can get the result by Monday at the latest."

Harry looked as if he was about to argue back, but he sighed and gave Nikki a forced smile. "Fine," he agreed. "I'll wait."

*

The next day Nikki went into work feeling distinctly apprehensive. She knew that nothing could be done about it, but the waiting was the awful part. Waiting to discover if there was life growing inside of her, if her and Harry were going to have a _baby_. The idea terrified Nikki; she didn't have what it took to be a mother. Both her and Harry had come from very dysfunctional families, neither of them had ever had a role model to learn from. How on earth could they be expected to raise a child?

Suddenly Harry appeared at her side. He dragged his stool right opposite her, and after glancing nervously at Leo's office to make sure its owner was preoccupied, he started pulling things out of his pocket. An empty syringe, a packet with a sterile needle in, and a clear plastic bag to put the blood sample in. Then there was the other pocket, containing a small piece of cotton wool and a plaster.

"Toxicology are going to be suspicious," Harry muttered, snapping on some disposable gloves. "We don't normally send them blood samples this way."

"It's a Friday afternoon. I really don't think they're going to care," Nikki replied, annoyed slightly by Harry's persistent coolness towards her. As he prepared the needle – and Nikki tried not to think how big it was – she rolled up her sleeve to expose the underside of her elbow.

"Right, are you ready?" Harry asked her. Nikki nodded, feeling her face pale. She screwed her eyes up tight as Harry placed one hand on her elbow to support her arm, and then took a sharp intake of breath as she felt the needle slowly pierce her skin. Daring herself to look, Nikki tentatively cracked open one eye to see what was happening, but snapped it shut again when she saw the crimson liquid gradually filling the syringe. A small whimper escaped her lips, and Harry said, "It's okay, we're almost done."

At last Nikki felt the needle being removed, and she took it as safe that she could open her eyes again. Harry was now injecting her blood into a small test tube, which he bunged up and dropped into the plastic bag. As soon as he'd done this he peeled off the gloves before picking up the piece of cotton wool and pressing it to the pin-sized hole in Nikki's arm that was slowly oozing blood. With his other hand he gently tucked a piece of hair behind Nikki's ear and let his fingers linger on her cheek.

"I just want you to know, whatever the outcome is from this whole thing, I'm going to be right here beside you all the way," he whispered, giving her a small smile. Nikki's eyes filled with tears, and she placed her hand over Harry's.

"Thank you," she told him sincerely. Harry just nodded before sniffing and turning back to his desk. He picked up the plaster and carefully stuck it on her arm. He then pressed a quick kiss to her forehead and stood up.

"I'm going to put Jane Doe," he told her, bending over his desk and writing on the specimen bag. "We've got a Jane Doe in the morgue, so hopefully they won't notice anything."

"Okay," Nikki smiled. "I'll take it down to toxicology then."

Harry passed her the bag and she discreetly slipped out of the room. Luckily Leo didn't notice her go so no awkward explanations were needed.

As she slowly walked down the toxicology room, Nikki wondered how she'd feel if the results came back positive. There was no way she was ready to have this baby. Harry obviously didn't want the baby either, or else he'd have said so. Surely he'd would understand if she told him that she didn't want to keep it...

*

When Nikki returned back to her desk she found Leo leaning on Harry's desk talking to him.

"Ah, Nikki," Leo said when he spotted her. "Can I have a word?"

Nikki glanced at Harry, who raised his eyebrows behind Leo's back.

"Yeah, sure," she replied, sitting down.

"I was just apologising to Harry for shouting at him yesterday," her boss said guiltily. Nikki didn't really know what to say to this, so just nodded. "I think I upset you both – judging by the way you took an early lunch – so I'm sorry."

"Okay... thanks," Nikki said uncertainly. Leo smiled at her.

"Harry says you're going to try and get in your car again," he continued.

"Yes, I thought it was about time that I did," she smiled.

"So that's what's worrying you both, is it?"

"What?" Nikki gulped, shooting a nervous glance at Harry, who frowned.

"Well, you're both really quiet and barely talking to each other-"

"We're talking to each other!" Harry interrupted.

"Not in the way you used to," Leo persisted. "Something is troubling the pair of you. I'm assuming it's worry about this whole car business?"

"Yes, yes it is," Nikki lied, not entirely convincingly.

"There's nothing else is there?" Leo asked, this time standing up so that he could look between Harry and Nikki. "Apart from that you're okay?"

"Fine," Harry said.

"So, it's got nothing to do with that blood sample that was sent down to the lab?"

Nikki took a sharp intake of breath and Harry's eyes widened. She fidgeted in her seat but didn't say anything.

"Neither of you knew that toxicology have to call me to ask my permission to fast-track a result, did you?" Leo went on, his face becoming serious. "But they do. And I just couldn't understand why another sample of Jane Doe's blood had been sent for testing. Then I realised that it couldn't be our Jane Doe because she hasn't been out of her fridge all morning. So which one of you has decided to send an unauthorised and illegitimate sample to the lab?"

"It was my idea," Nikki confessed in a tiny voice.

"What? Well who's blood is it?" Leo demanded.

"It's Nikki's blood," Harry said.

Leo sighed. "Will someone just explain what is going on?"

"I thought I might be pregnant, Leo," Nikki snapped. "And I needed a test that was reliable; sending off a sample of my blood seemed like the best way to do that."

Leo looked slightly gobsmacked. Once he'd recovered he said, "You might be having a baby?"

"We don't know," she replied miserably, noticing Harry frown slightly at her tone of voice.

"We could be," he said, almost hopefully. This did nothing to improve Nikki's mood.

"Wow, I can't believe it. Who'd have thought the day would come when the two of you would be requiring a pregnancy test?" he laughed. "Although you would both make wonderful parents." This was the final straw for Nikki. She stood up and made to leave the room.

"Nikki?" Harry called after her concenedly.

"I'm just going to the loo," she snapped. "You don't have to check on my every move, Harry."

With that Nikki pushed her way through the doors, and she actually did make her way to the toilet. Once there she leant against the edge of the sink and blew out a long breath. Having this baby just wasn't an option for her. What about work? Her and Harry weren't even properly living together yet either. Unprepared was an understatement. They had only been together a little over a month. Nikki still wasn't entirely convinced that her and Harry were 'forever', not with the amount of ups and downs that they seemed to have. What if they had a baby only for them to split up when it was a few years old. Nikki knew what it was like to not have both parents, and she didn't want any child of hers to go through the same thing. But Harry would hate her if she told him that she wanted an abortion. Tears slipped down her cheeks as Nikki realised that this could be the beginning of the end.

After splashing some water on her face, Nikki realised that she should probably go back. At least ten minutes had passed since she stormed out, and she didn't want Harry to worry. However, when she did reach her desk again it was to see Leo in his office, and Harry gone. Walking over to her boss's office she knocked on the door and said, "Leo, where's Harry gone?"

"He's just been called out on a case, I'm afraid, and then he has this afternoon off. Why, are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine. I just wondered, that's all." Nikki smiled at Leo and made to leave the office. However, when she reached the door she turned back. "Leo?"

"Yes?"

"Can you hurry the lab? I need to know," she said, knowing perfectly well that Leo would understand what she was talking about. He nodded kindly.

"Of course."

"Thank you," Nikki said before forcing a smile and walking back to her desk. Flopping down in her chair, Nikki pulled a report towards her. She obviously wasn't going to see Harry again all day, and she still wasn't really back at work, so she might as well get on with a report. At least it would take her mind off... other things.

*

Nikki yawned and ran a hand through her hair. It was nearly seven, but the idea of going home to Harry, who would want to talk about what the result was going to be, was unappealing. However, she knew that it was also unavoidable, so gathered her bag and switched off her lamp.

Just as she was leaving, Leo suddenly came bounding out of his office after her. "Nikki!"

"Leo?" she frowned, stopping to let him catch up with her.

"Thank goodness I caught you," he said. His face was uncharacteristically grave and Nikki knew what he was going to say next. "I just got your results back."

He held out a folded piece of paper, and Nikki looked down at it with terrified eyes. Her hands shaking violently, she reached out and took it.

* * *

**Hee hee, I'm so evil leaving it like that! I know I said you'd find out in this chapter, but I'm going to keep you hanging again until next time. :) I will probably update again today though, or at the very latest tomorrow. It depends if I'm dragged out with my stupid family or not this afternoon!**


	21. Dream Catch Me

**Chapter 21:** Dream Catch Me

Nikki walked slowly along the corridor towards Harry's apartment, desperately hoping that he was at home. She was in shock. Every particle in her body was in shock. Her fingers were trembling as she reached into her handbag and fumbled for the keys that Harry had given her. As she did so her hand brushed against the piece of paper that held the results to her future. Swallowing the lump in her throat at the thought of how Harry was going to react, Nikki opened the door and stepped inside.

"Oh good, you're home. You got a taxi okay then? It must be costing you a fortune. We'll definitely have to work hard at getting you back in your car this weekend." Harry was brimming with happiness, and it made Nikki feel a little bit sick. She just nodded as she took off her coat.

"I went and did a bit of shopping this afternoon," he told her when Nikki walked into the lounge. He stood up and started rummaging in a bag. "Look what I bought." He held up a soft toy aeroplane. It was a blue material, with red wings and a yellow tail. There was a large smiley face on the front. It was obviously designed to be a baby toy, because not only was it soft-bodied, but there were different shiny bits, and colourful bits, and bits that made noises. Nikki felt tears spring to her eyes.

"Harry..." she breathed, but he didn't hear her.

"I just saw it and couldn't help myself, you know how much I love planes," he smiled. "And I know that you might not even be pregnant, but something's telling me that you are. I can just feel it, can't you? And I've come to the conclusion that it maybe wouldn't be such a bad thing after all. I mean, babies are cute, and now that I'm with you the idea of having a baby doesn't scare me like I thought it would, it makes me excited."

He stopped talking and just smiled at her. Nikki ignored the tear that rolled down her cheek, and ever so slightly shook her head at Harry. His face visibly fell, and the hand with the plane in fell limply to his side.

"You know?" he croaked out. Nikki passed him the piece of paper.

"My HGC and progesterone levels are normal. Everything's normal" she whispered as Harry's eyes scanned the sheet. "I'm not pregnant."

Her immense relief was mingled with sympathy for Harry, who was still holding the aeroplane. When he looked up at her she could see his eyes shining.

"I thought..." He trailed off. The piece of paper fluttered from his fingers and fell to the floor. Nikki walked towards him and took his hand in hers.

"I know," she said softly.

"I mean, I suppose it's for the best," he muttered, but he sounded uncertain and wouldn't quite meet Nikki's eyes.

"Exactly," she agreed, giving him a small smile in an attempt to cheer him up. "I don't know about you but I wasn't prepared to have a baby. At least now we don't have to worry about what to do."

This time Harry looked up at her, but there was contempt in his gaze. He tugged his hand out of her grip as he glared at her.

"'What to do'?" he repeated incredulously. "You had to think about what to do?"

"We're not ready, Harry," Nikki said defensively.

"But you were ready to _kill_ the baby, had there been one?" he shouted. "I can't believe you! I thought you wanted the baby! You let me think you wanted the baby!" In his anger he ferociously threw the toy plane at the wall on the other side of the room.

"I didn't know how to tell you that I didn't. How was I to know that you _did_?" she replied sharply.

"I'm not cruel enough to want to get rid of it," he spat.

"Oh really, because isn't that what you asked Penny to do?"

The silence that followed this statement seemed to press on Nikki's skull. Harry's eyes filled with tears. He nodded and walked away from her. Nikki felt immediately guilty.

"Harry..."

Harry ignored her and continued making his way out of the room, however, he turned around when he reached the doorway.

"I..." he said, but stopped and swallowed hard. His anger seemed to have dissipated somewhat. "I bought an aeroplane," he whispered, before turning away again and walking down the hall and into their bedroom.

Nikki sunk onto the sofa and pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes until little spots of colour erupted. She had no idea that Harry was so excited about the prospect of them having children. He'd never struck her as the paternal type.

Nikki suddenly had a thought; this might not be about that at all... He might still be feeling guilty about the whole Penny business, and just wants to have another child to make up for the one he wasn't prepared to be there for. That had to be it. Didn't it?

A weary sigh escaped Nikki's lips. She knew that she was just making excuses now. Harry was genuinely disappointed, she knew that. Looking around the dark room, Nikki spotted the toy aeroplane on the other side of the room. She slowly moved across and picked it up. Then she had an idea. Nikki walked towards the bedroom, but stopped just outside the door. It wasn't until she'd taken a deep breath that she entered.

The room was in darkness, and Nikki could see Harry's outline in bed. However, it was impossible to tell whether he was asleep or not.

"Harry?" she breathed. "Are you awake?"

There was no answer, but Harry's breathing wasn't as deep as it normally was when he was asleep. Nikki sighed. She walked over to her side of the bed and climbed on. Sitting with her legs crossed underneath her Nikki wanted to reach out and touch Harry, but he was lying with his back to her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't know that you wanted the baby. But I'm not going to pretend that I'm not relieved, I can't do that."

She saw Harry tense slightly, and realised that he was listening to every word she was saying. So she pressed on.

"I want children one day, I do. I want children with _you_, but not now. I'm not ready to make that step. We've only been dating for a few weeks, and yes, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, but you can't have children after only being together that long."

Harry still didn't say anything, and Nikki needed him to. Then it occurred to her what could still be upsetting him.

"I wouldn't have had an... I wouldn't have done anything without talking to you first, Harry. I hope you know that. I couldn't have," she told him quietly. "I'm sorry that you're upset, and I'm sorry that you're angry with me." Nikki looked down at the toy in her hands. She got off of the bed and moved round to Harry's side, bending down to his level. Sure enough his eyes were open, and Nikki could see light from the street lamp outside that they were filled with tears.

"Take this," she told him, pressing the toy into his hand. "And I want you to keep it. Because in a few months, or a few years, we will have a baby, and that baby is going to need its daddy to give it naff aeroplane toys."

Harry gripped the plane tightly, and Nikki placed a hand on the side of his face, gently running her thumb across his cheekbone.

"I'm really sorry – for your sake – that I'm not pregnant," she said, struggling with the lump in her throat.

"Me too," Harry said sadly. He rolled onto his back before sitting up against the headboard. Nikki walked back around to her side of the bed and resumed her original sitting position.

"I never knew," Harry went on. "That I would want the baby. When you first told me I was scared and shocked, which is why I was slightly cold towards you. But then the idea sank in and I thought that maybe it wasn't so scary after all. I began to imagine myself taking our daughter to her first ballet class, or taking our son to see an air show. The more I imagined these things, the more my excitement grew."

He fell silent and gazed down at the toy in his hands.

"I really thought you were pregnant. I really did," he mumbled, almost as if it still hadn't sunk in yet.

"I know," Nikki said sadly. Harry blew out a deep breath and turned his head to look at her.

"One day?"

"One day," she confirmed with a tiny smile. Harry reached out his arms and Nikki fell into them, gripping onto his t-shirt as she lay her head on his shoulder.

*

When Nikki awoke the next morning she fully expected to see Harry next to her. However, the bed was empty apart from herself. The sheets were cold on Harry's side, meaning that he'd already been up for quite a while. However, when Nikki glanced at the clock she saw that it wasn't even six yet. She stretched and climbed out of bed, padding out of the room and into the lounge. What she saw next was not what she was expecting. Harry was sprawled out on the sofa in his pyjamas, fast asleep and with nothing but a thin blanket covering him and the pillow from the spare room under his head.

Nikki marched straight over and threw a cushion at her boyfriend.

"Ow," he groaned sleepily, burying his head further into the pillow.

"Why did you sleep out here?" Nikki demanded. Harry breathed in deeply and ran a hand over his face before eventually sitting up. His elbows were on his knees and his head in his hands.

"Because I just... I needed some space," he mumbled sleepily.

"_Space_?" Nikki repeated. "What did you need space for?"

"It doesn't matter," Harry said, smiling at Nikki.

Nikki knew that it _did_ matter, and that something was still bothering Harry. She also knew that it would have something to do with the events of the previous day, but was scared of pressing him on the matter. What if he said he couldn't be with her any more? What if he was still really angry about her wanting to have an abortion? There was no way Nikki could ask him exactly what was wrong.

Then again, on the other hand she wanted to know if Harry wasn't happy. She wasn't going to stay in a relationship if the only person committed to it whole-heartedly was herself. Eventually she decided what to do.

"What's wrong, Harry?"

"Nothing is wrong, I'm fine!" he insisted.

"So why did you sleep on the sofa?" Nikki asked him.

"I realised last night that it was today you wanted to get in your car again, so I was trawling the internet to see if I could find a way to make it easier for you. Then it got really late and I didn't want to wake you by getting back into bed."

It was only then that Nikki noticed the laptop closed at the other end of the sofa, and Harry was smiling at her so genuinely that she knew he was telling the truth.

"So you're not going off me?"

Harry chuckled. "Of course not," he said. He stood up and placed his hands either side of her face before kissing her. Nikki eagerly responded, her fingers immediately running through Harry's hair.

"I love you, no matter what," Harry whispered against her lips. Nikki smiled and just kissed him again.

* * *

**There we are, another chapter. So many of you assumed that she was going to be pregnant. In the reviews it was all 'I hope Harry's okay about the baby' and stuff. :D But she's not. I hope I wrote this okay, it wasn't very easy! **


	22. When Darkness Falls

**Chapter 22:** When Darkness Falls

"Are you sure you're ready for this? We can hold off another week if you want?" Harry asked Nikki as they pulled up outside her house, where her car was waiting for her in her driveway.

"Harry, I've been holding off for over a month. I'm ready," Nikki smiled. As soon as she climbed out of Harry's car the cold air stung at her cheeks and she shivered slightly.

"Just... don't push yourself too much."

"I'm not going too. Look, do you think you can just get in it first and make sure the engine's going okay? I haven't been in it for so long it might just need the once over." Nikki passed Harry her car keys.

"Okay. Where are you going?"

"I'm just going inside to sort out my post, that sort of thing. I'll be back in a minute," she told him. Harry smiled at her and proceeded to get into her car. Nikki, meanwhile, went into her house. There was a large mound of post on her doormat which she didn't even bother to sort through, but just shoved none too carefully onto the telephone table. Her house was cold where it had been empty for almost a week, and when Nikki entered the kitchen she discovered that most of her food was stale or off. Pulling a face at the stench of sour milk that caught in her nostrils when she opened the fridge, Nikki decided against a cup of tea. Instead she just sighed and realised that she had no excuse to put off getting into her car any longer, so she slowly made her way back outside.

Harry was leaning against the side of her car, but he straightened up when Nikki approached.

"It's fine," he told her, throwing her the keys which Nikki caught neatly. "A bit sluggish at first, but once I'd revved it up a few times it was like new."

"Thank you," Nikki said, giving Harry a nervous smile.

"So, how do you want to do this?" he asked her. "I read last night that you have to stagger it. You can't just get in and expect to be able to drive again."

Nikki nodded. "That's what Dr King told me. She recommended that before I try driving anywhere, I see if I can manage sitting in the passenger seat while someone else drives."

"Right then, so that's what we'll do," Harry grinned. Nikki didn't return his smile however, and Harry walked over to her and placed his hands on the top of her arms.

"I'm already scared and I haven't even got in the car yet," she whispered. Harry tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"I know," he sighed. "But you can do this, I believe in you. It's going to be difficult, and most probably emotionally draining-"

"Are you trying to make me feel better?" Nikki interrupted. Harry let out a small chuckle.

"Come on, let's get it over with," he said. Nikki nodded, nerves gripping at her stomach and making her feel sick. But she had to think positive. She could do this, she could. If sitting in the passenger seat of Harry's car was okay, then why shouldn't this be? All Nikki had to do was sit down. No driving was needed.

Nikki moved away from Harry and over to the passenger side of her car, whilst Harry went round the other side. Nikki opened the door, her hands shaking. The inside was spotless where the valet service had had to clean it to remove the blood.

No. She wasn't going to think of that. Grace King had told Nikki to concentrate on what she was doing at the present moment, not remember what happened in the past. So that's what Nikki was going to do.

She gingerly sat down in the passenger seat, but left the door wide open just in case she needed to make a hasty exit. However, she found that she wasn't panicking as much as she had expected she would. Harry looked at her concernedly.

"So far so good?" he asked her. Nikki just nodded, finding that she was unable to speak. With trembling fingers she reached out and pulled the door shut.

This action suddenly made her breathing a bit harder, but she prevailed. Harry reached out his hand and Nikki grabbed onto it, gripping it tightly. Eventually she swallowed hard and looked up at her boyfriend.

"Switch the engine on," she told him quietly.

"Are you sure?"

Nikki nodded, but stopped when it made her head spin. Harry did as he was told and the car shuddered into life. Nikki's stomach clenched painfully, and as she glanced out of the window it was almost as if she was back to that day, with Bowen's face looming in at her. Her head snapped back the other way. Harry looked at her questioningly, and Nikki nodded. Ever so slowly, Harry began to manoeuvre the car out of the driveway.

*

Nikki didn't even let Harry pull into her driveway, but only made it to the pavement outside her house before she flung the door open of the still slowly-moving car and threw herself out onto solid ground. Her legs felt like jelly as she staggered up her drive and leant against the wall of her house, taking deep, shuddering breaths. Her stomach was churning, and her whole body shaking.

Harry parked her car in the perfect first-time way that had always so annoyed her, before walking towards where she was stood with a sympathetic look on his face.

"Are you okay?" he asked her softly.

Nikki shook her head, too scared to open her mouth in case she vomited over her own shoes, which she thought was quite probable feeling the way she was right then. Harry pressed the back of his hand to her forehead.

"You're very hot," he stated with a frown. "Let's go inside and get you a drink of water."

"Or something stronger?" Nikki suggested weakly and Harry chuckled slightly. He put his arm around her shoulders and led her to her front door.

When they were in the lounge and she was safely perched on the edge of her sofa, Harry bought Nikki a glass full of cool water, which she accepted with shaking hands. He then sat next to her and said, "You did really well, you know."

"No I didn't," Nikki replied moodily.

"Yes you did! We were in that car for at least seven minutes. That's a lot more than you could have done a week ago," Harry insisted, taking one of Nikki's hands in his own.

"Seven minutes?" Nikki repeated. When she had been sat in that car, her blood pumping through her veins, it had felt like seconds, not minutes. Her brain had been full of fuzz the whole time, she couldn't focus on what Harry was saying, or where they were. It wasn't until she saw the familiar sight of her house again that she had finally been able to regain control of her senses and make Harry pull over.

"Yes Nikki, seven minutes," Harry smiled. "You didn't have a panic attack – not like you did before, anyway – and you didn't quit and make me pull over like you easily could have done, you waited until we got back. I'm so proud of you."

"You know, getting in that car has given me some perspective," she said thoughtfully.

"How so?"

"Well... it's so stupid that I can't stay in my house on my own, isn't it? I mean, it's understandable that I can't get in my car because that's where the accident actually happened. But no one's ever tried to hurt me in my own house, so why should I be afraid?"

"You're right," Harry said. "You do have no reason to be scared. But you're moving in with me soon, so you don't need to worry about staying in your house on your own."

"No, I do. I can't just avoid being on my own for ever more. There are going to be nights when you're on a conference, or working late. I need to work through this."

"I know what you're going to say next," Harry sighed.

"Yes, and you're going to tell me not to do it," Nikki said with a smile.

"I worry about you."

"Harry, it will just be one night. I'll stay here on my own, I'll watch TV, I'll go to bed early, and when I wake up I'll get a taxi and come straight into work. It will be fine. _I_ will be fine."

Harry still looked doubtful, but after gentle insistence from Nikki he eventually agreed to let her go ahead with her idea.

"As long as you call me if you need me. The slightest thing, Nikki, anything you need; make sure you call me," he told her sternly as he stood up on put on his coat.

"I will," she smiled. "Now go to work."

"Why?" Harry whined. "I have today off."

"I know, but if you go in today, then Leo's more likely to give you Monday off," Nikki explained.

"Why would I need Monday off?"

Nikki tutted. It was like trying to have a conversation with a toddler. "Because we're not going to be able to move all my stuff in tomorrow, are we? It's going to take more than one day."

A grin graced Harry's features and he leant down and kissed Nikki, taking her by surprise, although she soon responded. Her fingers were buried in Harry's hair in an attempt to bring him closer to her, and he gently pushed her backwards until she felt her body connect with the wall behind her. Harry deepened the kiss and Nikki's knees weakened. She had to grip onto Harry's shoulders to stop herself falling to the floor. However, when Harry's hand snaked its way under Nikki's top she broke the kiss.

"Stop it," she grinned. "You need to go."

"But Nikki..." Harry pouted. Nikki pressed another quick kiss to his lips but then stepped out from between him and the wall and straightened her top and hair.

"Go to work. I'll see you tomorrow morning," she told him.

"Remember to-"

"Call you if I need you, I know." Nikki rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. Harry reluctantly smiled.

"I'll see you tomorrow then. I would say good luck, but that would imply that you need it."

"I do need it," Nikki frowned. "I'm dreading spending the night here on my own."

"You'll be fine, I know you can do this," Harry said, and Nikki was glad that he wasn't trying to talk her out of it any more.

"I know I can, I just don't want to," she told him with a nervous laugh. Harry grinned. He kissed the top of her head.

"You'll be fine," he repeated, then flashed her his trademark grin and left her house.

Nikki walked back through to the lounge and sunk back onto the sofa she'd not long vacated. She released a long breath as she contemplated what she was going to have to do later that day. It was winter as well, which didn't help matters, as that meant it would be dark by four. But all she had to do was get through the rest of day, and then she could just sleep through until morning, when it would no longer be dark and she could get a taxi to work. But it wasn't the sleeping that worried Nikki, it was the gap between when it got dark and when she was tired enough to go to bed that she was scared of.

But Harry was right, she could do this. Her car had seemed like an impossible task at breakfast, but that had become easier. Surely spending the night on her own would be okay. Wouldn't it?

* * *

**Hmm, the end is in sight people! I think it will be the next chapter. Kind of can't believe it... but don't worry, I have an idea for another multi-chapter!  
Review!**


	23. The End Where I Begin

**Chapter 23:** The End Where I Begin

Nikki yawned but didn't open her eyes, instead she just snuggled up in her warm duvet further. Using one arm she sleepily reached behind her for Harry, but her hand hit cold sheets and her eyes snapped open. Recalling the events of the previous evening, a wide smile spread graced Nikki's features. She'd done it. She'd actually managed to spend the entire night alone in her house without freaking out.

Sitting up in bed, Nikki couldn't help but let out a joyous laugh when she spotted snow falling outside through the crack in the curtains. Getting up had seemed like a rather unappealing task a few minutes ago, but Nikki was in such a good mood that she practically jumped out of bed.

It didn't take her long to get ready for work. Nikki then sat down at her breakfast bar and munched on her toast. As she did so, her thoughts strayed to last night. It had been hard, knowing that she really was alone, but Nikki had also known that nothing was going to hurt her. The night had been mostly spent watching rubbish on the television and then she'd gone to bed by nine-thirty, but Nikki couldn't believe that she'd gone to sleep so quickly. A month ago she was dangerously close to becoming addicted to sleeping pills, and now she slept better without them.

As Nikki picked up her bag she headed to the phone to call a taxi, as she did every morning. However, then she spotted her car keys lying on the table from where Harry hadn't put them back in their rightful place, and she had an idea. If she could spend the night in her house alone, surely she could drive to work? It was a big gamble, because if she wasn't able to do it then it might turn into a case of 'one step forward, two steps back', but on the other hand if she managed it then everything would be okay again. Work would become an integral part of her life once more, and her independence would finally be back. No longer would she have to rely on Harry for lifts everywhere.

Making a decision, Nikki grabbed the keys and left her house before she could change her mind. Outside was bitterly cold, and there was a light sprinkling of snow on the ground that made Nikki smile for the millionth time that morning. With the cheery thought that it was only a couple of weeks until Christmas, Nikki unlocked her car. Realising that thinking of something else made the whole thing easier, Nikki began to dwell on what Harry and Leo's faces would look like when she arrived at work in her car.

After releasing a nervous breath, she turned the keys in the ignition. The cold engine spluttered into life. Nikki gulped. This wasn't going to be as easy as she hoped. But it was only ten minutes to the lab, and most of that time would spent being stuck in stationary traffic.

It was with shaking hands and unsteady movements that Nikki eventually mustered up the courage to pull out of her driveway. Okay, she'd made it that far, only another three miles to go. Her driving was jerky and twice Nikki stalled the engine – before she'd even reached the bottom of her road – because of her lack of practice. It felt strange being in the driver's seat again after spending so long as the passenger, but Nikki only realised then just how much she'd missed it.

The elation at what she'd achieved the previous night, and the thought about how proud everyone would be of her, was what kept Nikki going as she steadily made her way to work. Eventually she made it to the car park of the lab, greeting the cold and miserable looking security guard enthusiastically as he let her through. Parking her car in its usual spot, Nikki couldn't lie and say that she wasn't happy to be able to get out of it, but that was to be expected. She wouldn't just be able to pick it all up again immediately, it was going to take time. Bit as far as it was, Nikki thought she'd done quite well.

She trod the familiar route up to their office in what seemed like no time. When she reached the doors she was practically bursting to tell Harry and Leo her successes of the previous twenty-four hours. However, when she buzzed the doors open and entered, there was no one to be seen anywhere. Sighing in disappointment, Nikki knew where they'd both be. But she didn't particularly want to tell them both while they were elbow deep in a dead body. Harry's absence the night before had left Nikki feeling particularly lonely, and she quite wanted a hug from him. Of course, she'd never openly admit that either.

Luckily, when Nikki entered the cutting room, it was to find Leo and Harry had just finished a PM, so were no longer wearing a bloody apron or gloves. Her heels clicked on the floor as she walked towards them a bit more.

"Good morning," she said casually. Both Harry and Leo spun around.

"Nikki!" Harry exclaimed, giving her a relieved smile.

"How did you get on last night?" Leo asked her. "It can't have been easy."

"Oh, last night was fine, but never mind about that," Nikki said, brushing it aside. "Guess what?"

Harry frowned at her, obviously curious as to why she was so quick to dismiss her achievement of spending the night alone. But to Nikki, that was no where near as important as driving herself to work.

"What?" asked Leo in answer to her earlier question.

"You have to guess!" she insisted and both men sighed.

"You... bought a ticket to go to the moon?" Harry said sarcastically. "You're a Olympic gold medal winner on the spacehopper?" Nikki tutted so Harry laughed and added, "How are we supposed to know? You'll have to narrow it down a bit, Nikki."

"Fine. Guess how I got here this morning," she said, barely containing her excitement.

"Taxi?" Leo guessed. Nikki shook her head. "Umm... Bus?"

"No, I drove," she burst out, unable to keep it to herself any longer. "I actually drove myself to work!"

A laugh escaped Nikki's lips at Leo's reaction. His mouth fell open and he eventually spluttered out, "Nikki, that's fantastic!"

Nikki's gaze travelled to Harry, who had remained scarily quiet. His eyes were widened in shock, but when they connected with hers his face broke into a broad smile. "I can't believe..." he muttered, trailing off. "I am so, _so_ proud of you."

Nikki smiled at him, but it was a minute before Harry held out his arms and said, "Oh come here." She giggled and ran at him, flinging her arms around his neck as Harry hugged her so tightly that he lifted her off the ground. When he put her down he was smiling at her but shook his head and sighed.

"It's so typical of you," he said happily. "To be able to just overcome two fears at once. You're such an amazing woman, and I really do marvel at how strong you are."

"I couldn't have done it without you, Harry," Nikki mumbled, well aware that Leo was listening. "You're the one who's got me through this in one piece; without you I don't know where I'd be right now. I love you."

Harry didn't say anything, but pressed his lips to hers. Nikki decided that a kiss said more than any words, but the words that Harry did say when he pulled away were not what she was expecting.

"Marry me."

"What?" Leo exclaimed from somewhere nearby, while Nikki stared at Harry.

After swallowing hard she managed to croak out, "I'm sorry, _what?_"

"Marry me, Nikki. Be my wife," Harry repeated, and Nikki knew him well enough to hear the nervous tone to his voice. She looked him right in the eyes from her position only a few inches from him, just to make sure that he was being serious. He was. A grin spread across her lips.

"Okay," she said shakily.

"Okay?" Harry asked, hardly daring to believe it.

"Yes, I'll marry you," she smiled. Harry laughed and hugged her again, but this time spun them both round so that Nikki giggled loudly.

"Oh my god, I love you so much," he breathed when he put her down. Nikki placed her hands either side of his face.

"Good, because it looks like you're stuck with me," she grinned before gently kissing Harry. His hands went to her waist automatically, but Nikki knew that they couldn't go any further than a kiss with Leo stood watching them. Pressing another quick kiss to Harry's cheek, she stepped away from him and turned to look at Leo. He was laughing, yet looked like he was going to cry at the same time.

"Am I living in some sort of dream world, where everything good that can happen _is_ happening?" he smiled. Nikki laughed and walked over to her boss, pulling him into a hug. "Congratulations," he told her, patting her on the back. "I'm really happy for you." He then pulled away from Nikki and walked over to Harry. "Both of you," he grinned, embracing Harry and slapping him on the bag.

"I bet you thought the day would never come," Harry chuckled.

"I certainly didn't," Leo replied happily. "But I'm bloody glad it has."

Nikki chuckled before walking over to Harry again. He put an arm around her shoulders and pressed a kiss into her hair. "I have another autopsy to do," he told her. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay," she said. "I'll wait upstairs for you."

"I'll come with you," Leo smiled.

The pair of them then made their way back to Nikki's desk together, Leo talking the whole time about how they should go out for lunch to celebrate. However, just as she'd sat down and started up her computer, Leo suddenly asked if they could talk in his office. Feeling slightly apprehensive all of a sudden, Nikki followed him and sat in the chair facing his desk.

"What's wrong?" she asked Leo after he had shut the door and sat down himself.

"Oh nothing bad, don't worry," he smiled, and Nikki immediately relaxed.

"So what then?"

"I don't know, I just..." He trailed off and it was a few moments before he spoke again. "The day that I first met you, when you so spectacularly invaded our lab, I knew you had the potential to be a good pathologist. Now I can say, with some certainty, that you're not just a good one. You're a great one."

"Leo..." Nikki smiled modestly.

"Let me finish," he told her, and Nikki nodded. "I have watched you grow – physically and emotionally – into a beautiful, amazing, intelligent young woman. You've never given up, no matter how hard things have got, and you're not afraid to ask for help when you really need it. You're such a strong woman Nikki, you only have to look at you've been through to know that. That helicopter crash... Harry crumbled, but you didn't. You looked forward, you kept Harry looking forward. That's when I knew that one day you would become this amazing couple. I mean, it had to happen, neither of you could function properly without the other. Look at you now! Engaged to be married! I couldn't be happier for either of you, I really couldn't. Anyway, I'm rambling now," he added quickly, before taking a deep breath and saying, "What I really called you in here to say was... I am so proud of you. Of everything you are and of everything you've overcome. It's the sort of proud that I thought I'd never feel again after Cassie died. But I'm telling you now, if Cassie had grown up to be half the woman you are, I'd be the happiest father alive."

Tears were prickling at the corners of Nikki's eyes and she swallowed hard, unable to think what to say to Leo. Instead she just walked around the desk towards him. Leo stood up and readily embraced her in a hug. Nikki rested her cheek on his shoulder and a tear slipped out of her eye and down his back.

"I love you, Leo," she choked out.

"I love you too," he chuckled, stroking her hair. When they broke away a few minutes later Nikki wasn't surprised to see that his eyes were looking distinctly red and watery. Leo cleared his throat and said, "Right, what do you say we go and give Harry a hand so that we can all go to lunch sooner rather than later?"

Nikki giggled and followed Leo from his office, linking her arm through his as they walked down to the cutting room together.

*

It was nearly nine o'clock by the time Harry and Nikki got back to his apartment later that night. They'd had a fantastic lunch, followed by an even better afternoon when Nikki had driven her car to and from her first crime scene in over a month. Her spirits were high despite her being exhausted from the last twenty-four hours' events. Nikki flopped onto the sofa, and it wasn't long before Harry joined her.

"You're amazing, you know that?" he muttered, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"Blimey, first Leo and now you," Nikki grinned. "This whole 'nearly dying and being mentally scarred' thing does wonders for your ego when you get over it, I'll have to do it more often."

Harry laughed and said, "I still can't believe you're going to be my wife."

"Nor can I," she said happily. "I don't know what came over me."

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Nikki Alexander," Harry smiled. Nikki gave him a proper, genuine smile in return.

"I really love you, Harry," she said, edging closer to him and placing a hand on his cheek. "I really really do."

Harry leant forwards and their lips connected with such passion that goosebumps erupted on Nikki's arms. Her fingers automatically buried themselves in Harry's hair in an attempt to pull him even closer. Harry's arms tightened around her waist and he pulled them both up off the sofa. He then deepened the kiss, causing Nikki to moan into his mouth and Harry to stagger over to the doorway, still with her attached to his lips. Pressing them both against the wall, Harry trailed kisses along Nikki's jaw and down to her neck as she frantically started working on the buttons of his shirt. It was eventually thrown to the floor, and Nikki's hands were immediately running across Harry's toned chest. However, he broke the kiss and muttered, "Your hands are cold."

Nikki grinned. "Oh shut up," she whispered, kissing him again.

The pair of them eventually found their way into the bedroom, and collapsed onto the bed in a heap of tangled limbs.

*

Nikki was lying in Harry's arms some time later, wide awake and smiling to herself. Harry was asleep, she was sure of that, but something was stopping her from doing so as well. It could have been the elation that everything had gone back to normal, it could have been the sudden rush of affection the she had for Leo, but Nikki knew what was keeping her awake. She knew that every night for the rest of her life would be spent like this one, with Harry's arms wrapped around her protectively, and it was the best feeling in the world. Her whole life had been spent being let down by people, but she knew Harry would never do that to her. He was her person. Like Leo had said earlier, neither one of them could function without the other.

This was it now, this was the beginning of the rest of her life.

**That's all, folks! :) I can't believe it's over, I'm really going to miss this story! But I wanted to quit while I was ahead, I didn't want this story to get boring by me dragging it out. I hope I did this last chapter justice, anyway. Do you think you could manage on last review for me? Pretty please? :D  
****I have a new story in the pipeline as well, and it shouldn't be too long before I start that, so watch this space!  
****Charlotte xx  
****P.S. A huuuuuge thank you to all my loyal readers and reviewers! I couldn't have done it without you. **


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